What did he? acts of mercy, and refrain
Oppression in himself, and in his train?
Was his essential table full as free
As boasts and invitations use to be?
Where if his russet-friend did chance to dine,
Whether his satten-man would fill him wine?
Did he think perjury as lov'd a sin,
Himself forsworn, as if his slave had been?
Did he seek regular pleasures? was he known
Just husband of one wife, and she his own?
Did he give freely without pause or doubt,
And read petitions ere they were worn out?
Or should his well-deserving client ask,
Would he bestow a tilting or a masque
To keep need vertuous? and that done, not fear
What lady damn'd him for his absence there?
Did he attend the court for no man's fall?
Wore he the ruine of no hospital?
And when he did his rich apparel don,
Put he no widow, nor an orphan on?
Did he love simple vertue for the thing?
The king for no respect but for the king?
But, above all, did his religion wait
Upon God's throne, or on the chair of state?
He that is guilty of no quæary here,
Out-lasts his epitaph, out-lives his heir.
But there is none such, none so little bad;
Who but this negative goodness ever had?
Of such a lord we may expect the birth,
He's rather in the womb, than on the earth.
And 't were a crime in such a public fate,
For one to live well and degenerate:
And therefore I am angry, when a name
Comes to upbraid the world like Effingham.
Nor was it modest in thee to depart

But (which is monstrous) though against the tyde,
The watermen have neither rayl'd nor ly'd.
Of good or bad there's no dictinction known,
For in thy praise the good and bad are one.
It seems, we all are covetous of fame,
And, hearing what a purchase of good name
Thou lately mad'st, are carefull to increase
Our title, by the holding of some lease
From thee our landlord, and for that th' whole crew
Speak now like tenants, ready to renew.
It were too sad to tell thy pedigree,
Death bath disordered all, misplacing thee;
Whilst now thy herauld, in his line of heirs,
Blots out thy name, and fills the space with tears.
And thus hath conqu❜ring Death, or Nature rather,
Made thee prepostrous ancient to thy father,
Who grieve th' art so, and like a glorious light
Shines ore thy hearse.

TO THE

My lord, I doe confesse at the first newes
Of your returne towards home, I did refuse
To visit you, for feare the northerne winde
Had peirc't into your manners and your minde;
For feare you might want memory to forget
Some arts of Scotland which might haunt you yet.
But when I knew you were, and when I heard
You were at Woodstock seene, well sunn'd and air'd,
That your contagion in you now was spent,
And you were just lord Mordant, as you went,
I then resolv'd to come; and did not doubt
To be in season, though the bucke were out.
Windsor the place; the day was Holy roode;
St. George my muse: for be it understood,
For all St. George more early in the yeare
Broke fast and eat a bitt, he dined here:
And though in Aprill in redd inke he shine,
Know 't was September made him redd with wine,
To this good sport rod I, as being allow'd
To see the king, and cry him in the crowd;
And at all solemne meetings have the grace
To thrust, and to be trodde on by my place.

Where when I came, I saw the church besett
With tumults, as if the brethren mett

To heare some silenc't teacher of that quarter
Inveigh against the order of the garter:
And justly might the weake it grieve and wrong,
Because the garter prayes in a strange tongue;
And doth retaine traditions yet of Fraunce,
In an old Honi so t qui mal y pense.

[t'ane,

To thy eternal home, where now thon art,
Ere thy reproach was ready; or to die,
Ere custom had prepar'd thy calumny.
Eight days have past since thou hast paid thy debt Whence learne, you knights that order that have
To sin, and not a libel stirring yet;
That all, besides the buckle, is profane.
Courtiers, that scoff by patent, silent sit,
And have no use of slander or of wit;

He therefore that would write
And blaze thee throughly, may at once say all,
Here lyes the anhor of our admiral.
Let others write for glory or reward,
Truth is well paid when she is sung and heard.

LORD MORDANT,

UPON HIS RETURNE FROM THE NORTH, WHITHER HE HAD
ACCOMPANIED KING JAMES IN 1617,

[nation,

But there was noe such doctrine now at stake,
Noe starv'd precisian from the pulpit spake :
And yet the church was full; all sorts of men,
Religions, sexes, ages, were there then :
Whils't he that keepes the quire together locks
Papists and Puritans, the pope and Knox:
Which made some wise-one's feare, that love our
This mixture would beget a toleration;
Or that religions should united be,
When they stay'd service, these the letany.
But noe such hast; this daye's devotion lyes
Not in the hearts of men, but in their eyes;
They that doe see St. George, heare him aright;
For he loves not to parly, but to fight.
Amongst this audience (my lord) stood I,
Well edified as any that stood by ;

And knew how many leggs a knight letts fall,
Betwixt the king, the offering, and his stall:
Aske me but of their robes, I shall relate
The colour and the fashion, and the state:
I saw too the procession without doore, [wore.
What the poore knightes, and what the prebends
All this my neighbours that stood by me tooke,
Who div'd but to the garment and the looke;
But I saw more, and though I have their fate
In face and favour, yet I want their pate:
Me thought I then did those first ages know, [soe.
Which brought forth knightes soe arm'd and looking
Who would maintaine their oath,aud bind their worde
With these two seales, an altar and a sworde.

Then saw I George new-sainted, when such preists
Wore him not only on, but in their breasts.
Oft did I wish that day, with solemne vow,
O that my country were in danger now!
And 't was no treasou; who could feare to dye,
When he was sure his rescue was so nigh?

And here I might a just digression make,
Whilst of some foure particular knightes I spake,
To whome I owe my thankes; but 't were not best,
By praysing two or three, t' accuse the rest ;
Nor can I sing that order, or those men,
That are above the maistery of my pen;
And private fingers may not touch those things
Whose authors princes are, whose parents kings:
Wherefore unburnt I will refraine that fire,
Least, daring such a theame, I should aspire
T' include my king and prince, and soe rehearse
Names fitter for my prayer than my verse:
"He that will speake of princes, let him use
More grace then witt, know God's above his Muse."
Noe more of councell: Harke! the trumpetts sound,
And the grave organ's with the antheme drown'd:
The church hath said amen to all their rites,
And now the Trojan horse sets loose his knightes;
The triumph moves: O what could added be,
Save your accesse to this solemnitye?
Which I expect, and doubt not but to see 't,
When the king's favour and your worth shall meete.
I thinke the robes would now become you soe,
St. George himselfe could scarce his owne knights
know

If I procede; nay, though the captaine say,
"Hold him, or else you shall not eate to day;"
Those goodly yeomen shall not scape my pen;
'T was dinner-time, and I must speake of men;
So to the hall made I, with little care

To praise the dishes, or to tast the fare;
Much lesse t' endanger the least tart, or pye
By any waiter there stolne, or sett by;
But to compute the valew of the meate,
Which was for glory, not for hunger eate;
Nor did I feare, (stand back) who went before
The presence, or the privy-chamber doore.
And woe is me, the guard, those men of warre,
Who but two weapons use, beife, and the barre,

Began to gripe me, knowing not in truth,
That I had sung John Dory in my youth;
Or that I knew the day when I could chaunt
Chevy, and Arthur, and the Seige of Gaunt.
And though these be the vertues which must try
Who are most worthy of their curtesy,
They profited me nothing: for no notes [coates:
Will move them now, they're deafe in their new
Wherefore on me afresh they fall, and show
Themselves more active then before, as though
They had some wager lay'd, and did contend
Who should abuse me furthest at armes end.
One I remember with a grisly beard,
And better growne then any of the heard;
One, were he well examin'd, and made looke
His name in his owne parish and church booke,
Could hardly prove his christendome; and yet
It seem'd he had two names, for there were writt
On a white canvasse doublett that he wore,

I spake them faire, desired to see the hall,
And gave them reasons for it, this was all;
By which I learne it is a maine offence,
So neere the clarke of th' check to utter sense:
Talk of your emblemes, maisters, and relate
How Æsope hath it, and how Alciate;

The Cock and Pearle, the Dunghill and the Gemme,

From the lord Mordant: pardon me that preach
A doctrine which king James can only teach;
To whome I leave you, who alone hath right
To make knightes lords, and then a lord a knight.
Imagine now the sceane lyes in the hall;
(For at high noone we are recusants all)
The church is empty, as the bellyes were
Of the spectators, which had languish'd there:
And now the favorites of the clarke of th' checke,
Who oft have yaun'd, and stretch't out many a neck
Twixt noone and morning; the dull feeders on
Fresh patience, and raisins of the sunne,
They who had liv'd in th' hall seaven houres at least, This passeth all, to talke sence amongst them.
As if 't were an arraignment, not a feast;
Much more good service was committed yet,
And look't soe like the hangings they stood nere,
Which I in such a tumult must forget;
None could discerne which the true pictures were;
But shall I smother that prodigious fitt,
These now shall be refresh't, while the bold drumme Which pass'd Heon's invention, and pure witt ?
Strikes up his frolick, through the hall they come. As this: a nimble knave, but something fatt,
Here might I end, my lord, and here subscribe Strikes at my head, and fairly steales my hatt:
Your honours to his power: but oh, what bribe, Another breakes a jest, (well, Windsor, well,
What feare or mulet can make my Muse refraine, What will ensue thereof there's none can tell,
When she is urg'd of nature and disdaine?
When they spend witt, serve God) yet twas not
Not all the guard shall hold me, I must write,
Though they should sweare and lye how they would
fight,

|

Two capitall letters of a name before;
Letters belike which he had spew'd and spilt,
When the great bumbard leak't, or was a tilt.
This Ironside tooke hold, and sodainly
Hurled me, by judgment of the standers by,
Some twelve foote by the square; takes me againe,
Out-throwes it halfe a bar; and thus we twaine
At this hot exercise an hower had spent,
He the feirce agent, I the instrument.
My man began to rage, but I cry'd, "Peace,
When he is dry or hungry he will cease:
Hold, for the Lord's sake, Nicholas, lest they take us,
And use us worse then Hercules us'd Cacus."

And now I breath, my lord, now have I time
To tell the cause, and to confesse the crime:
I was in black; a scholler straite they guest;
Indeed I colour'd for it at the least.

much,

Although the clamours and applause were such,
As when salt Archy or Garret doth provoke them',
And with wide laughter and a cheat-loafe choake
them.

What was the jest doe you aske? I dare repeate it,
And put it home before you shall entreat it;
He call'd me Bloxford-man: confesse I must
'T was bitter; and it griev'd me, in a thrust

1 These reverend gentlemen were jesters to James the first. The name of the former was Archibald Armstrong, of whom and of whose jests an account may be found in Granger, vol. ii. p. 399. ed. 1775. 8vo. They are again joined in a manuscript poem (penes me) by Peter Heylin, written in derision of