trailed his spotted train after him, when he came to the terrace to tap at the window for his dole of cake, actually sneaked away, when summoned, in pure shame at his draggled tail; the swans looked wet through. The whole party seemed chilled and dismal, and I was secretly meditating a retreat to my mother's dressing-room, to enjoy in quiet a certain volume of "Causes Célèbres," which I had abstracted from the library for my own private solace, when every body was startled by a proposal of the only gentleman left at home; a young barrister, who had had sufficient courage to confess his indifference to field sports, and who now, observing on the ennui that seemed to have seized upon the party, offered to use his best efforts to enliven us by reading aloud-by reading a law-book. Fancy the exclamations at a medicine so singularly ill-adapted to the disease! For my own part, I was not so much astonished. I suspected that the young gentleman had got hold of another volume of my dearly beloved "Causes Célèbres," and was about to minister to our discontent by reading a French Trial. But the rest of the party laughed and exclaimed, and were already so much aroused by the proposal, that the cure might be said to be more than half accomplished, before our learned teacher opened the pages of "The Pleader's Guide."

I wish I could communicate to my extracts the zest that his selections derived from his admirable reading, and from the humorous manner in which he expounded the mystery of the legal phrases, which I shall do my best to avoid, not to overtask my reader's ingenuity.

It is an old lawyer instructing a young one:

"But chiefly thou, dear Job, my friend,

My kinsman, to my verse attend;

By education formed to shine

Conspicuous in the pleading line;

For you, from five years old to twenty,

Were crammed with Latin words in plenty;

Were bound apprentice to the Muses,

And forced with hard words, blows, and bruises
To labor on poetic ground,

Dactyls and spondees to confound;
And when become in fictions wise,

In Pagan histories and lies,

Were sent to dive at Granta's cells,
For truth in dialectic wells;

There duly bound for four years more,
To ply the philosophic oar,
Points metaphysical to moot,
Chop logic, wrangle, and dispute;
And now, by far the most ambitious
Of all the sons of Bergersdicius,
Present the law with all the knowledge
You gathered both at school and college,
Still bent on adding to your store
The graces of a Pleader's lore,
And, better to improve your taste,
Are by your parents' fondness placed
Among the blest, the chosen few,
(Blest, if their happiness they knew,)
Who, for three hundred guineas paid
To some great master of the trade,
Have, at his rooms, by special favor,
His leave to use their best endeavor,
By drawing pleas from nine till four,
To earn him twice three hundred more;
And after dinner may repair

To 'foresaid rooms, and then and there
Have 'foresaid leave from five till ten,
To draw the aforesaid pleas again."

Then he favors his pupil with a bit of his own history, which seems to me capital:

"Whoe'er has drawn a special plea,

Has heard of old Tom Tewksbury;
Deaf as a post and thick as mustard,

He aimed at wit, and bawled and blustered,

And died a Nisi prius leader

That genius was my special pleader.
That great man's office I attended,
By Hawk and Buzzard recommended;
Attorneys both of wondrous skill

To pluck the goose and drive the quill.
Three years I sat his smoky room in,
Pens, paper, pounce and ink consuming;
The fourth, when Essoign day begun,
Joyful I hailed the auspicious sun,
Bade Tewksbury and clerk adieu;
*Purification Eighty-two

* The Purification of the Virgin Mary is one of the return days of Hilary Term.

Of both I washed my hands; and though
With nothing for my cash to show
But precedents, so scrawled and blurred
I scarce could read one single word,
Nor in my book of commonplace
One feature of the law could trace,
Save Buzzard's nose and visage thin
And Hawk's deficiency of chin,
Which I, while lolling at my ease,
Was wont to draw instead of pleas;
Yet chambers I equipt complete,

Hired books, made friends, and gave to eat.
If, haply, to regale my friends on,
My mother sent a haunch of ven'son,
I most respectfully entreated

The choicest company to eat it;

To wit, old Buzzard, Hawk, and Crow,
Item, Tom Thornback, Shark, and Co.,
Attorneys all, as keen and staunch
As e'er devoured a client's haunch;
Nor did I not their clerks invite
To taste said venison hashed at night;
For well I knew that hopeful fry
My rising merit would descry,
The same litigious course pursue,
And, when to fish of prey they grew,

By love of food and contest led,

Would haunt the spot where once they fed. Thus having with due circumspection

Formed my professional connection,

My desk with precedents I strewed,

Turned critic, danced, or penned an ode,
Studied the ton, became a free

And easy man of gallantry;

But if, while capering at my glass,
Or toying with some favorite lass,

I heard the aforesaid Hawk a-coming,

Or Buzzard on the staircase humming,
At once the fair angelic maid
Into my coal-hole I conveyed;
At once, with serious look profound,
And eyes commercing with the ground,
I seemed as one estranged to sleep,

And fixed, in cogitation deep,
Sate motionless; while in my hand I
Held my Doctrina Placitandi.

And though I never read a page in 't,

Thanks to that shrewd, well-judging agent,

My sister's husband, Mr. Shark,

Soon got six pupils and a clerk.

Five pupils were my stint, the other

I took to compliment his mother."

This piece of autobiography seems to me admirable for its neatness and point, its humor and its good-humor. The termination of the poem is a trial of matchless pleasantry between John-aGull and John-a-Gudgeon, for an assault at an election. I transcribe the commencement and part of the opening speech, a piece of legal comedy which will make its way even with the least learned reader :

-

For the Plaintiff, Mr. Counselor BOTHER'UM.-For the Defendant, Mr. Counselor BORE'UM.-Mr. BOTHER'UM Opens the pleadings. His speech at length.

"I rise with pleasure, I assure ye,
With transport to accost a jury,
Of your known conscientious feeling,
Candor and honorable dealing,
From Middlesext discreetly chosen,
(A worthy and an upright dozen,)
This action, gentlemen, is brought,
By John-a-Gudgeon for a tort—”

Our French will serve us for this legal word, which is, I suppose, old Norman French, pronounced English-wise, but signifying a wrong, as one might guess from the modern tongue.

"By John-a-Gudgeon for a tort;

The pleadings state that John-a-Gull,

With envy, wrath, and malice full,

With swords, knives, sticks, staves, fist, and bludgeon,
Beat, bruised, and wounded John-a-Gudgeon.'

This prodigious accumulation of weapons, as well as the "twelve pots, twelve mugs," and so forth, to which we are coming, is an imitation of the real law fictions and endless repe

As taken by an eminent short-hand writer.

+ Middlesex. This being an election affray, the venue is supposed to have been changed upon the usual affidavit, for the sake of a more fair and impartial trial before a Middlesex jury.

titions which result from the circumstance of nothing being allowed to be proven at a trial that has not been named in the indictment, whereas there is no rule to compel the proof of more than the counsel think essential to the case; it is, therefore, really usual to provide against all contingencies by enumerating far more particulars than are likely to be brought forward. Lawyers will best feel the satire, but all can enjoy the fun :

"First count's for that with divers jugs,

:

To wit, twelve pots, twelve cups, twelve mugs,
Of certain vulgar drink, called toddy,
Said Gull did sluice said Gudgeon's body.
The second count's for other toddy,
Thrown by said Gull on Gudgeon's body;
To wit, his gold-laced hat and hair on,

And clothes which he had then and there on:
To wit, twelve jackets, twelve surtouts,
Twelve pantaloons, twelve pair of boots,
Which did thereby much discompose

Said Gudgeon's mouth, eyes, ears, and nose,
Back, stomach, neck, thighs, feet and toes;
By which and other wrongs unheard of,
His clothes were spoilt and life despaired of.
To all these counts the plea I find,

Is son assault and issue's joined."

Here our French helps us again, and the common expression of joining issue. Now for Counselor Bother'um's history of the battle. The watery names are very happy :

"Such, gentlemen, is word for word,
The story told on this record.
The fray was at a feast or revel,
At Toadland, on the Bedford Level,
Given, as was usual at elections,
By Gudgeon to his Fen connections.
They'd had a meeting at the 'Swan'
The day before the poll began,
And hence adjourned it to make merry
With Mr. Coot, who keeps the 'Ferry.'
Now John-a-Gull, who thrusts his nose
Wherever John-a-Gudgeon goes,

To this same feast, without suspicion,
Unasked, it seems, had gained admission.
Coot had just finished an oration,
And Gudgeon, with much approbation,
*
C