OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES (1809-1894) TO THE PORTRAIT OF "A LADY" In the Athenæum Gallery Well, Miss, I wonder where you live, Perhaps you were a favorite child, Perhaps your friends were not aware Yet you must be a harmless soul; Would care to throw his loaded dice, I cannot think you would provoke Or make young women bite their lips, Pray, did you ever hear, my love. I love sweet features; I will own To see my portrait on a wall, But nature sometimes makes one up It really might be quite as well Hushed up among one's friends! 10 20 30 The Amateur, June 15, 1830. THE BALLAD OF THE OYSTERMAN It was a tall young oysterman lived by the river-side, His shop was just upon the bank, his boat was on the tide; Alas for those two loving ones! she waked not from her swound, And he was taken with the cramp, and in the waves was drowned; But Fate has metamorphosed them, in pity of their woe, And now they keep an oyster-shop for mermaids down below. The Amateur, July 17, 1830. THE MUSIC-GRINDERS There are three ways in which men take One's money from his purse, And very hard it is to tell Which of the three is worse; You 're riding out some pleasant day, A fellow jumps from out a bush, It's hard to meet such pressing friends And so you take your wallet out, Perhaps you 're going out to dine,- You'll hear about the cannon-ball And says it is a dreadful thing He tells you of his starving wife, Poor little, lovely innocents, And so you kindly help to put You 're sitting on your window-seat, You hear a sound, that seems to wear As if a broken fife should strive And nearer, nearer still, the tide Of music seems to come, There's something like a human voice, And something like a drum; 20 30 40 You sit in speechless agony, Until your ear is numb. Poor "home, sweet home" should seem to be A very dismal place; Your "auld acquaintance" all at once Their discords sting through Burns and Like hedgehogs dressed in lace. But hark! the air again is still, And silence, like a poultice, comes It cannot be,—it is,—it is, A hat is going round! No! Pay the dentist when he leaves And pay the owner of the bear That stunned you with his paw, But if you are a portly man, To turn them out of town; And if you are a slender man, Go very quietly and drop 50 60 70 New England Galaxy, 1830. OLD IRONSIDES 1 Ay, tear her tattered ensign down! 1 The "Constitution" was launched in 1797, served against the pirates in the Mediterranean, and became famous for her exploits in the War of 1812. She was almost entirely rebuilt in 1834 and continued in commission until 1881. See Freneau's "Ode on the Frigate Constitution," p. 115. On, on by whistling spheres of light Where darkness might be bottled up And what would happen to the land, And how would look the sea, If in the bearded devil's path Our earth should chance to be? I saw a tutor take his tube I heard a scream,-the gathered rays I saw a fort, the soldiers all Were armed with goggles_green; 10 20 30 Pop cracked the guns! whiz flew the balls! I saw a poet dip a scroll I read upon the warping back, |