I'm thankful as I did take it; for I'm sure if I 'adn't I should ́ave screamed out, bein' that surprised a-lookin' and seein' up, all the place turned into a bed-room, a good-sized room, I might say large, tho' not much furniture, with a little tent-bed, with check curtings to the winder, and a chest of drawers as looked desolate like; and there was that young gal as we'd see at fust, with a candle in 'er 'and, as she put down on the chest of drawers, and takes and draws the curtings, and turns down the bed, all natʼral like.

Well, then she takes off 'er little 'at, and kicks off 'er little shoes, and begins for to undo the little jacket she'd got on. So I says, "Brown!" and gives 'im a nudge.

He says,

I says,

"Wot is it?"

"You don't never mean to say as she's agoin' to bed afore all these people ? "

He says, "You'll see."

didn't

I says, "I'opes I shail not see; for," I says, "it's 'ighly improper; and I shall make a pint of not a-lookin', ought to."

and you

Well, poor thing, she didn't do no more in the way of undressin' when she puffs out the light. It give me sich a turn; for the place went that suddin dark, you wouldn't 'ave thought as one candle could 'ave made sich a difference.

Well, poor thing, she was into bed in a jiffey, as the sayin' is, and off like a church in a instant.

"Well," I says to Brown, "I'm a good sleeper myself, but couldn't 'ave gone off suddin like that, as were per'aps thro' the music a-playin' that soft like..

She 'adn't 'ardly closed 'er heyes when out from the wallance of 'er little bed come the 'ead of that smudged-face willin we'd see at fust.

"Now," I says, "Mr. Brown, who is right, and who is wrong? Didn't I say he were a bad 'un from the werry fust ?"

He says, "Oh, do 'old your row, do!".

I says, "That depends;" for that feller he come a-crawlin' from under the bed, a-squabblin' all about the place, a-pretendin' as he couldn't see, as were like 'is nasty deceitful ways; 'cos, in course, if I could see, he could.

Well, he goes across the room, and opens the winder, and gives a whistle like a low-lived butcher-boy; and if that willin in the feathers didn't come a-rigglin' on the pit of his stomick on that winder-sell, and get into the room!

I says, “Mr. Brown, here's goin's on as I don't 'old with.

Wotever bisness 'as them two waggerbones in this poor young thing's room?" for I felt like a mother to 'er.

Says Brown, "Do be quiet; for," he says, "if you keeps on a-interruptin' of 'em like this, they'll turn you out."

I says, "Interruptin' of 'em indeed! as is my dooty for to do, as one woman by another. And, as to turnin' me out, I should like to see 'em do it; for as long as I've got my umbreller I'm a match for them two rascals any day."

Well, poor thing, jest then, bein' natʼral disturbed in 'er rest by them whistlin's and noises, she give a uneasy turn in 'er sleep, like wakin' up; and if that smudge-face willin didn't take and draw a knife out as long as my arm, as seemed for to turn the 'ole mask of my blood!

So I says, "Brown," I says, "if it's only arf the hegg-cup, I must 'ave a-somethink."

It's a mussy as I took it; for jest then she set up in the bed, and give a scream as went right thro' me, as made them two fellers rush at 'er with their drawed swords.

I says, "Brown," I says, "I'm your lawful wife, and the mother of children, and ain't agoin' to set 'ere in cold blood and see murder done, to please nobody.” And a party a-settin' near says, ""Ush!"

I says, "Who are you, a-'ushin'? I sha'n't 'ush. There!" Says another feller, a-'ollerin' at me quite rude, "Horder! horder!"

"Well," I says, "suppose I did come with a horder, wot of that? Is that any reason I ain't to do my dooty by a fellercreetur' ?"

Says Brown, "Do for goodness' sake 'old your row! I says, "I won't. 'Elp!" I says. "Murder!" I says; for I see 'em a-pullin' 'er out of 'er bed. "Perlice, perlice! I 'ollers; and there was the perlice, as come and ketched 'old of me by the harm, and says, "Come out!"

I says, "Perliceman, 'owever dare you come a-molestin' of me as am doin' my dooty down 'ere? but take and do yours by them as is a-doin' wrong up there. You never are where you're wanted, as is well known."

He only give me a wiolent pull by the harm, and says, "Come, out with you!"

That young woman as were a-settin' by me with the sojer, says, "And glad I am as you're agoin', as 'ave been a downright noosance all the evenin'; for when you ain't been a-jorin', you've been a-snorin': so there ain't been no 'earin' a word for you."

I says, "Young 'ooman, you mind your own bisness, and look arter your sojer, as in my opinion you've been a-makin' too free with the licker, as is disgraceful in a fieldmale." But she only bust out a-larfin'; and that boy, he turns round and says, "Oh, my heye, old lady! ain't you mops and brooms?"

I should certingly 'ave give 'im a good settin' down, only but for the perlice, as said, "Are you a-comin'?" and give me sich a wiolent jerk, and Brown a nudge in the side simultanous, as the sayin' is, as knocked my 'air right over my heyes, and reg'lar blindfolded me like, so I couldn't see nothink more, but could 'ear that poor gal's screams whilst they was a-'awlin' and pullin' and a-liftin' me about the place shameful, as made me 'oller ten thousand murders, till they let me go with my 'ands at liberty for to get my 'air out of my heyes; and, when I did so, I looks round, and if I wasn't in the open streets, and a-pourin' with rain intorrently.

All I can say is, if that's their ways of goin' on at them plays, if ever I goes ag'in to the play, them as sees me there may tell me on it. ARTHUR SKETCHLEY.

DUTCH SECURITY.

SAID Jake Metzenmaker to his sweetheart: “Loweeza, you vas a poody gal ! ”

To which that bright-eyed young German damsel replied, "Shake, dot vas nice; say it again.'

"Py golly!" Jake exclaimed; "you vas more peautiful ash a budder-cup, and I hope you vill marry me right away." Then that sensible young woman responded:

"Shake, I like dot marriage idea poody vell. I pelieve me it vas a sensible peezness. Und I like you, Shake, more ash a gooble dimes. But I vants seguridy."

"Vants seguridy! I undershtand no such dhings," said Jake in amazement.

"Nein? Right avay I dole you. Ouf you read dose babers, you find out it vas a great peezness by married fellers to run aroundt the saloon, und don't like to vork, und oufter the vife say some dhings she got a plack eye, and then she vas goome by the bolice court for some seguridy for make him do petter." "Put you don't vas pelieve I do such a dhings, Loweeza? I schwear dot, my lofe

"Schwear vas a leedle fence not more ash a gooble feed high,

und you shump over him ash easy ash you like. I pelieve you vas righdt now, Shake. Put there vas a great risk, und I vant some seguridy for dose dime vhen you vill be poss."

"Und you von'd marry me vidout dot seguridy?

"I pelieve me, Shake, it vas petter ve got him now, ash pyund-py ouf dot bolice court ain'd id ?"

66

Vell, vat seguridy you vant?"

"I dink, anyvay, a tousand tollar pond vould be apout right." "A tousand tollars! I don't ouver I find some man vhat like to schain hisself by such a gueldt."

"If you don'd could find a friend mit dot much gont dence py you, Shake, vhat sort of a shance you dink I dake?

FROM ONE STAND-POINT.

THE minister will preach to-day
On endless punishment;

No doubt the folks will fill the church,
Upon the theme intent.

I should have bought a pair of gloves;
These are not fit to wear;

Our pew, you know, is in plain sight
Of everybody there.

Of course all men will not be saved!

Is my shawl folded straight?
Not many rich, the Bible says,
Will pass the narrow gate;

They have their good things in this life, -
Is not that rose awry?

I wonder what old Madame D'Or

Thinks of the camel's eye?

Don't let your dress trail on the walk;
That silk was very dear;

I hope to see Frank Hertz to-day;
He's rather lax, I fear.

I heard him say, not long ago,
"I don't believe the man
Is living that can cipher out
Our Heavenly Father's plan."

A pity, I should say, if all
The men who study so,
And spend their lives in libraries
With logic, do not know.
Frank says he studies for himself;
That's nonsense, when we pay
The minister to think for us,
And teach the heavenly way.

I should be glad if all could go
of course I should;

With us,

But then a sinner couldn't live
In heaven with the good.

It isn't plain what we shall do

To pass our time away;

But then one needn't cross a bridge
Till one gets there, they say.

Ah! here we are. Just see the crowd!

And there is Dr. Brown!

They say he is more eloquent
Than any man in town.

I'm just in raptures when he talks,
His reasoning is so clear;

He'll treat the subject beautifully,
There's not a doubt, my dear.

Please push that hassock this way, Grace,

And let me take your

fan;

It's just as well to be at ease,

If anybody can.

It does seem hard to be in

So long, when you reflect! How thankful we all ought to be Who are of the elect.