"My dear Sir,

"I should have much pleasure in acceding to your request, but the fact is, I have promised all my interest to Mr. Grimaldi."

Elliston was not at all abashed by this reply, but answered it with the following, in which he certainly had not the worst of the correspondence:

"My dear Sir,

"I beg to acknowledge the favour of your answer. In desiring to become a Member for Stafford, I was actuated by the reflection that as one theatrical proprietor and eminent dramatist had retired from the representation of that borough, he could not perhaps be more properly succeeded than by another theatrical proprietor and popular dramatic representative, though I was too good a critic to wish that eminent person Mr. Sheridan and myself should at all be considered as rivals, and afford a handle for the proficients in the "School for Scandal." I am not at all surprised at your announcement that you have promised all your interest to Mr. Grimaldi. As he owed his introduction, as a popular representative of the people on the stage of Covent Garden, to the auspices of Mother Goose,' it is not astonishing (that which is good for the goose being also good for the gander) that he should wish his return for Stafford to be secured by one of her sons! I do not know but that the constituents of Stafford would be more fitly repreented by that great clown than they could be by me. The borough, the patron, and the member will be alike worthy of one another; and I should advise, for the benefit of all parties, that among the first measures brought forward, should be a motion to reduce the duty on foolscap!

THE CATARACT OF THE GANGES.

No one could more dexterously extricate himself from the horns of a dilemma than could Elliston, and no one was ever more ready in turning the tables, giving a bowl for a rubber, a "Roland for an Oliver," than he was. Of this adroit faculty, the following is an amusing instance:

One morning, during the very successful run at Drury Lane, of the grand hippo-dramatic spectacle, "The Cataract of the Ganges," which, according to the bills, nightly overflowed the house, the author of the piece, who then resided in the immediate neighbourhood of the theatre was rather surprised at receiving a summons, through little West, the messenger, to attend Mr. Elliston instantly, on some very important business.

"I don't know what it is," said the good natured West, "but it is something very particular, and there are two rather strange-looking persons waiting in Mr. Elliston's private room."

At first the dramatist, half in doubt who these persons might be, decided on disobeying the mandate, but the persuasions of West reassured him, and in a very few minutes he was ushered into Elliston's sanctum sanctorum, on the O. P. side of the stage, behind the

scenes.

Elliston was seated in state before the centre of a large table, which was covered with papers. On one side of him sat a copyist writing

letters from his dictation; on the other side was Mr. Winston, the acting manager; while in another part of the room, near the fireplace, were seated the two strangers, mentioned by West-very odd, outlandish, weather-beaten, sunburnt-looking individuals certainly, but not at all resembling the particular class of persons the dramatist had at first been apprehensive of meeting.

The dramatist was proceeding to inquire Elliston's business with him, who looked more than usually important and majestic, when a commanding wave of the great lessee's hand imposed an awful silence, and two or three directions were given to West, to take to the mastercarpenter, to give to the first wing-man, who in his turn was to signify them to the second fly-man. There was then some regulation for the first stage-door keeper, Byfield, to communicate to the second stagedoor keeper, Tyson. A note respecting a private box to a nobleman, high in office, was then dictated to the copyist; after which, Elliston, with a preparatory hem, condescended to enter upon the business, for which he had required the attendance of the wondering dramatist.

"I have sent for you, sir," said he, "to expose, on the witness of these gentlemen, two worthy persons, who have done me the favour to come here expressly, the gross ignorance to which a too blind partiality, a too confiding forbearance has led me to commit the literary reputation of the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane-a reputation you have so cruelly compromised."

"As to compromising the literary character of Drury Lane, sir, I was not aware, till this revelation, that Drury Lane Theatre had any to compromise. Its bills certainly do not display any evidence of any such possession."

Here the angry dramatist looked full at Elliston, who generally drew up those choice compositions himself. The wily manager did not, however, appear to notice the sarcasm, but coolly answered, by remarking,

"That may be, your pieces do certainly appear somewhat too frequently in them, but I stick to my original position. I say, sir, you have compromised the literary reputation of the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, an establishment on which I have expended a princely fortune, as you well know-eh, Mr. Winston?" turning to his acting manager, who tacitly nodded assent.

"My ignorance, sir!" cried the astonished author.

"Yes, your ignorance, sir," thundered out Elliston. "I believe, sir, you are the author of the production I have been unfortunate enough to bring out at my theatre, called 'The Cataract of the Ganges.'"

"I am, sir," retorted the irritated dramatist; "a production, which I understand is now clearing you some hundreds nightly."

"Trash, sir, mere trash, not to be compared with the genuine coinage of the brain, the rich wealth made to pass current from the pure mintage of the imagination; trash, sir, which cannot vie with intellect, with character. Judge what my indignation must be when after having, on the faith of my invariable correctness, gulled the whole trusting population-eh, Mr. Winston ?"

Mr. Winston again nodded assent, in which he was this time joined by the dramatist.

"I say gulled them into the belief," said Elliston, angrily, "that there is a cataract on the Ganges, by presenting them with your piece, bearing a title affirming that supposition. I now find through the kind information of these two gentlemen, totally unsolicited, one of whom has resided thirty years on the banks of the Ganges, and the other, thirty-five-I think you said thirty-five, sir?"

"Thirty-six, sir," said the Anglo-Hindoo-looking individual.

"Well, thirty-six," said Elliston. "Judge of my indignation, I again repeat, when I find from the credible testimony of these two witnesses -I don't know whether they came from the Ganges on purpose, that, in fact, there is no cataract on the Ganges at all, nor ever has been from time immemorial! Now, sir, what do you say to that?"

The dramatist, who seldom wrote any thing except on authority, let the subject be ever so trivial, justly conceiving that no one has a right to propagate error, even in fiction, was both astounded aud annoyed at this announcement; disdaining, however, any answer to Elliston, but turning sharply to the two informants, who sat in the full consciousness of superior knowledge, derived from personal experience, he proceeded to probe the source and extent of their information.

he.

And so there is no cataract on the Ganges?" interrogatively said

"No such thing in the world," said the younger-looking of the two strangers, "and I must know, for I live at Wangtoo, and have been up the country tiger-hunting among the jungles with Snoxall, my uncle, who has a plantation of mangoes at Numecan, almost on the very banks of the river. I used to dine with him frequently there, under the shade of the great banyan-tree, amusing myself by watching the fakirs and the monkeys; this other gentleman here, who speaks from thirty-six years experience-for he lives at Rampoor, almost within reach of the Himalaya, in the Tarai Swamp, has had even more opportunities of knowing than I have, because he has been in the habit of going to the very source of the Ganges, elephanthunting."

"Ay! ay!" said the other, "shooting wild buffaloes and rhinoceroses, I must have known if there had been any cataract-all as level as the back of my hand; so we thought as welhad come to England on a little business, and were lying down at Wapping, and seed the bills, it was a pity this 'ere good gentleman should lie under misinformation, when we could set him right, and so we are come to tell him."

"Very kind and gratuitous of you, indeed," said the dramatist; "but as you have been pleased to endeavour to enlighten us, it is but fair that I should endeavour to enlighten you in return. Would you have the goodness to wait here a few minutes till I step home, and then I'll see if I can't enlarge your knowledge of geography a bit, and add to your stores of eastern information."

"Ay! ay! do that, sir," roared Elliston, incredulously," and you'll do something; but, by the Lord Harry, I fear there is very little chance of that."

"We shall see, sir," said the dramatist, impetuously. "I'll not detain these worthy persons five minutes."

Hastening to his domicile, he soon returned with Major Rennell's large map of Hindostan, which he luckily possessed, and which he

proceeded to unfold on Elliston's ample table, to the great stultification of the swarthy and stunted strangers, for such they both were. "No bamboozling, sir," said Elliston, we shall have you on your longitudes and latitudes here, for I perceive you have got my relation Major Rennell's chart."

He sometimes claimed consanguinity with that illustrious hydrographer.

"Let us see how you will rescue the literary reputation of the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, from the jeopardy in which you have placed it. It is all very well for my friend Winston here, by the aid of Hitchcock, Brassbridge, and his other hydraulic assistants to produce a cataract of the Ganges; but, except in your own empty imagination, you will find it no such easy matter."

"

The foreign-looking affairs cast glances of approbation, and nodded assentingly to each other.

"I am content to abide the ordeal, sir," said the dramatist. "Let these intelligent persons step forward and clear their optics, or should that not be sufficient, give an extra polish to their spectacles; for I rather apprehend I shall enlighten them a little on some points on which, in spite of my alleged ignorance, they appear to be much more ignorant than myself."

"This is mere verbiage," fulminated Elliston; "to the proof, to the proof, sir!"

The tramontane-looking individuals approached the table, and the dramatist directed their attention to the map. Pointing to the mouth of the Ganges, he proceeded to trace its course from the Hoogly through the Sunderbunds, in the great plain of Bengal, to Calcutta, and from Calcutta to Meerut, in the way to Allahabad, near Wangtoo, the alleged residence of the younger of the kind informants.

This course both the strangers acknowledged they had repeatedly taken, the one in a Chittagong Panchway, or passage-boat, and the other in a Bengalee Budgerow, or barge, to dispose of their opium and their indigo.

"I think, sir," said the dramatist, addressing the youngest of the strangers, you said it was from this place you went to hunt tigers among the jungles with your uncle Mr. Snooks?"

“Mr. Snoxall, sir. Yes, certainly. It was about two miles further where we went to see the Natch-girls dance, and a mile further is the pagoda of the great idol, Bundolah, whose eyes were diamonds until they were stolen out by one of the Thugs, and whose great toes were solid gold. A few miles further is a Ghaut Temple, at the foot of a sango bridge, with an old priest and a band of Bayadere girls; there we used to go in a howdah, eat tamarinds, and drink arrack, and listen to the merry sounds of the tam-tam."

66

Very good, sir," replied the dramatist, "I don't mean to deny the accuracy of you and your uncle getting drunk with the arrack over your, infernal tamarinds, I only wish to pin you to the spot. We will now proceed thirty miles further till we come to Rampoor, the residence, I believe, of this other worthy gentleman, Mr.-I forget your name, sir ?"

"Leatherhead," replied the Anglo-Hindoo, "Leatherhead, sir." "Very well, Mr. Leatherhead. It was from here you went hunting

wild elephants, on tame buffaloes, I believe, as far as the range of the Himalaya? You didn't go any further, sir?"

"No, no further, sir."

"That's a pity," said the dramatist drily, "for if you had, it might have prevented your coming as far as Drury Lane. If you had proceeded up the Ganges only ten miles further you would have arrived at the great cataract of Gangotri, as you will perceive by this chart, laid down by Major Rennell himself, from actual authorities. The roaring of the waters you might on a fine day have heard while eating your rhinoceros with your uncle, Snobs-awl, under the shade of the banyan-tree at Numecan."

The two residents on the Ganges stood confounded, there was no disputing the evidence displayed by the dramatist; they were completely dumbfounded.

Elliston, who had listened to this conversation with profound silence till its termination, now, much to the dramatist's astonishment, addressed the strangers in the following words. Fixing his eyes sternly on the two abashed settlers of Hindostan, he said,

"Now, gentlemen, I think you are satisfied; at least you ought to be. I have sent for this gentleman, my author, a gentleman whose character is sufficiently established by my having brought him forward, and whose accuracy has been too long acknowledged to be called in question by you-I have sent for him, I repeat, to show you the perfect infallibility of this establishment-an establishment on which, as I have before observed, I have expended a princely fortune-eh, Mr. Winston ?"

Mr. Winston again nodded assent.

"Do not imagine for one moment, though I condescended so far, I was not perfectly aware of the correctness of every thing I present to the public, and the certainty, that though one of you may have lived thirty years on the banks of the Ganges, dancing with your matchgirls, and shooting your uncle with three balls; and the other of you may have had banyan dinners of pickled mangoes and polecats, and hunted tame elephants with wild tigers and intelligent buffaloes, do not imagine, I say, that I was not fully aware that for any real knowledge of the Ganges you must come to the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, Lying at Wapping! By the Lord you have been lying here-Wapping lies! Here, West, desire Nall to call some of the day-carpenters, or half a dozen of the trap and cellar men, if they are engaged, to conduct these persons who have resided fifty years on the banks of the Ganges, and don't know where the cataract of Gangotri is, to my principal doorkeeper, Byfield, who will order the second door-keeper, Tyson, to show them into the street. A likely matter indeed that we should talk of cataracts of the Ganges without having, as I may say, part of the very water of them almost in our possession! Out with them-Master carpenter, wing-men, fly-men, cellar-men, property-men, and sceneshifters-first door-keeper, second door-keeper, out with these persons who have resided all their lives on the Ganges, and yet don't know where the cataract is, till they come to Drury Lane to acquire the information."

The confounded and abashed East Indians needed no other notice to quit, than these directions; but with the tails of their coats between