season at that theatre, and amongst other novelties, announced that the entertainments would conclude with the grand serious pantomime of "Don Juan," in which he was, for the first time, to sustain Palmer's favourite character of the Hero, a part he was eminently qualified to fill. As it was well known the house would be a bumper, all who had any pecuniary claims on the beneficiaire, were on the qui vive. Amongst others, a close cutting tailor, who had a small demand of some 601. for improved habits, vests, and unmentionables, thought this would be a favourable opportunity to bring his account to a close. He consequently transferred to Ratford, the well-known sheriff's officer of Careystreet, the task of looking after Elliston's person, by instructing his attorney to issue out a writ to have the actor's "body brought to answer him before our Sovereign Lord the King, at Westminster," on a certain day therein named. The house, as expected, was on the night in question completely crowded. Elliston was in high spirits. The comedy went off delightfully, and all was expectation for the afterpiece. At length the curtain drew up for the representation of the "Spanish Libertine's Adventures." Never had the amorous gallant been personated more perfectly. Elliston's mute eloquence of look and action were irresistibly seductive. It was during one of the most impassioned of the Gay Don's scenes, that the performer's attention was attracted by loud bursts of laughter from one part of the audience, and a volley of angry yells from the other. Looking about to ascertain what had caused this ebullition, he perceived on the O.P. side of the stage, that it proceeded from a thick-set, coarse-looking person, his chin half-buried in a pudding of a neckcloth, who, with a very bludgeon-like looking stick in his hand, and a vulgar grin on his broad rubicund face, was nodding and winking most familiarly to him at the wing. It was this person's having for a moment appeared in sight of the audience that occasioned the laughter and disapprobation alluded to. Looking more attentively, for he at first doubted the evidence of his senses, Elliston soon recognised the unwelcome form of Ratford-at that time one of the principal" body-borrowers" of the sheriffs of London and Middlesex, and who, in the bustle of the benefit had contrived unnoticed to get admission for himself and follower behind the scenes, in order more securely to entrap his man, and nail, if possible, the debt and costs out of the proceeds of the benefit. Instinctively shrinking from any contact with this inauspicious person, the actor resolved not to make his exit when he left the stage, at that side, though his part required him to do so, but to go off on the P. S. Turning for that purpose, what was his horror and astonishment at perceiving there another equally unwelcome person, Hulland, Ratford's brother-in-law and follower, and afterwards his partner, grinning and smirking at him with equal satisfaction and good will on that side. Between these two fires Elliston resolved to brave the first. "How do you do, Muster Elliston," said Ratford, tapping the comedian on the shoulder, as he subsequently came off, and cordially shaking his hand-a voluntary act on the part of this worthy, but generally an involuntary one in most of those with whom he had any dealings. "Glad to meet you, got a small bit of a tickler for you," here he whispered confidentially into the annoyed actor's ear. Only a trifle, merely a cool sixty-Tomkins, the tailor-I have got a rattler outside -never mind taking off your finery here-my drawing-room is wery snug-I've some capital madery-ve'll make every thing comfortable, or, perhaps you'll down with the dibs-stump the Stephen-but then there's the office to be searched, so you must pass the darkey vith us, -Mrs. Ratford vill be delighted-charming ooman, and wery fond of all you actor chaps." Disconcerted for a moment, but speedily recovering his presence of mind, Elliston replied, he should be very happy to accept Ratford's invitation. "But my good fellow," said he, "are you not aware that the royal domestics are privileged, that you cannot arrest any one of his majesty's servants while in the performance of their duty; for instance now, you would not arrest the king's coachman while driving one of the state-carriages, would you?" Sartainly not, Muster Elliston," said Ratford; "but what's that got to do vith my lumbering o' you? 1?" "Every thing in the world," said Elliston. "If you cannot arrest the king's coachman while driving the royal coach, how can you think of arresting any other of his majesty's servants while conducting a royal stage. Look at the top of this bill-do you not see Theatre Royal, Drury Lane. This evening His Majesty's Servants will perform,' &c. &c. Now, I am one of his majesty's servants; I am this evening performing and conducting a royal stage; how then can you arrest me?" "That's rather a stopper, sartainly," replied Ratford, struck all of a heap by the force of the argument; "but howsendeavour ve'll make every thing agreeable. You von't be performing by and by, and then in course you von't be one of his majesty's servants, and then I grabs you; so perwiding you gives your honour as a gemmen, not to tip us the double by the back vay here, vile you are on the stage, nor tries to cut your stick here by the front over the lamps and the fiddlers, vy, as Bob Hulland is ready to vait on you, on von side here, and I'm in attendance on the t'other, ve'll not make our caption till arter the performance; so you may go on vith your little nonsense, and every thing in the vorld shall be made quvite pleasant, and that's vot I calls equ vitable I should think." It was nolens volens. "Agreed!" answered Elliston, "I pledge my honour to the arrangement-the honour of Robert William Elliston. Let the performance finish without molestation, and if then you think you can safely take * It is a moot point if the actors of Drury Lane, being the royal servants, are not exempt from arrest during performance; Elliston always insisted that they were. The company of Covent Garden, being originally only the Duke of York's servants are not so privileged. The narrator may here remark, from his own knowledge, having himself drawn up the memorial, that at the coronation of George IV., the great lessee absolutely applied to the Court of Claims to be allowed to walk in the royal procession as master of the King's players, and was by no means satisfied at the Lord Chamberlain not entertaining his claim, there being ample precedent for such right. me, why so be it; I will not resist, great Rusty-but, by the lord, I think you'll find yourself in the wrong box!" Ratford was content to risk this, and the performance proceeded pleasantly enough till toward the conclusion, both the catchpoles highly enjoying it, and impudently making very free with the figurantes by sundry winks and pinches as they came off, much to their indignation. The last scene but one of "Don Juan," is that in which the libertine gives a grand banquet to his ladies in his palace, having previously invited the statue of the murdered commandant to sup with him. This especially elicited the approbation of the two bailiffs; but what was their surprise and alarm, when the statue of the commandant appeared, and in turn invited the Don to sup with him, to see, as the Don accepted the invitation, and the statue seized him by the hand, both of them suddenly disappear through a trap-or in other words, vanish from sight into the "lower regions," beneath the stage. "Done, by jingo!" cried Ratford, rushing on in great consterna tion. "Stop-stop-no bolting!" cried Hulland, also rushing on, on the other side, totally forgetting audience and every thing else in the surprise of the moment. A tempest of hisses, cat-calls, and loud cries of "Off-off!" manifested the astonishment and indignation of the audience at their strange appearance. The traditionary apparition of the thirteenth devil in the same piece some years since at the Duke's Theatre, Lincoln's Inn Fields, could not have caused greater confusion. The ladies and Scaramouch ran shrieking off, and the prompter's whistle changing the scene to the INFERNAL REGIONS, "a shower of real fire," incidental to the piece, immediately descended on the heads of the terrified bailiffs. They would fain have flown, but their retreat was cut off on either side by a group of devils with their liquipodium torches, the flames of which, as no doubt had been preconcerted, they flashed in the faces of Ratford and his companion, while they were by no means sparing of applying their pitchforks to the bailiff's ribs. The gong sounded, the thunder rolled, the hail-box was rattled, and the wind barrel turned. Chased completely round the stage, the affrighted myrmidons of the executive began to think that all Erebus had really broken loose, all was noise, confusion, sulphur, and astonishment. At length the curtain was let down to quiet the yells of the audience -the foot and side lights were suddenly turned off, and the bailiffs left on the stage amidst smoke and darkness-the devils, &c., retiring to their dressing-rooms to reassume their mortal habiliments. It would have been well for Ratford and Hulland if their purgatory had ended here, but the scene-shifters having smelt out what sort of customers the intruders were, began very busily to exercise their vocation, and while one of them drove the poor bailiff's one way, by running the side of a house against them, another sent them back again by making them come in contact with half a forest-all through accident of course and when they got clear of these, a fiery dragon, which suddenly descended on their heads from the flies, all but made them stretch their length on the boards. Bruised, bumped, and confounded, it was some time ere they could find their way out of the theatre, and sneak off in the hackney-coach they had provided for their prey, who, meantime, coolly regaining his dressing-room, made his way through the boxes, and proceeded, with a noble lord, to enjoy a splendid banquet to which he had been invited, most ungallantly neglecting the company of Mrs. Ratford, and leaving her husband and his follower, minus their man. Nonsuiting for that time at least, poor Tomkins, the tailor, who, as he remarked, thought it but a bad return for having before so very often suited him. THE ASS'S HEAD. THERE was a spice of waggery in spite of his mimic dignity in almost all that Elliston said or did; his enjoyment of humour was so genuine and relishing that he could not avoid having a fling even at his best friend, if an opportunity presented itself, but it was always in perfect good nature, his sarcasm was without bitterness, his raillery without malevolence; like a true comedian, his only object seemed to be to create a laugh, and such was his general sly drollery, that even those who were the objects of his laughter could not always avoid laughing with him. Of this love of fun, a short correspondence which took place with a brother comedian and manager on the subject of borrowing an ass's head for a representation of the Stratford jubilee, will furnish a pleasant specimen. In the spring of 1831, when producing a little piece at the Surrey theatre, called "Shakspeare's Festival," in which a representation of the Shakspearian pageant of that year at Stratford-upon-Avon was to be introduced Robert William found he had no ass's head for Bottom, the weaver, to put on in the tableau vivant illustrative of the "Midsummer Night's Dream;" he therefore applied to the friend alluded to, then holding the reins of government at Covent Garden, to borrow one from the well-stocked property-room of that theatre, the following was his letter for this purpose. "My dear Charles, "Royal Surrey Theatre, "April 18, 1831. "We are getting up a representation of the Stratford Jubilee, and in the course of the pageant find ourselves at a loss for an ass's head in the tableau vivant of the "Midsummer Night's Dream." We absolutely have not such a thing as an ass's head in the whole establishment of the Surrey Theatre-Price, from whom we might readily procure one, is out of town, and the Haymarket will not part with theirs. In this nouplus, it has struck me that you must have more than one ass's head in Covent Garden, and can, without any loss to yourself, spare us one; do, therefore, my good fellow, oblige us by return per bearer with our deficiency, and I shall ever 'Remember that your grace was bountiful!' The very head and front of my request, "ROBERT WILLIAM ELLISTON." 20 April.-VOL. LXVII. NO. CCLXVIII. Whether his correspondent knew that Robert William was not very punctual in returning articles borrowed, or whether the receiver appointed by the Court of Chancery to take care of the property belonging to Covent Garden extended his cognizance to the stage-properties, and had laid his injunction against the management parting with any of their asinine adjuncts is doubtful, but whatever cause might dictate it, the sovereign of the Surrey received the following answer. "My dear Robert, "Theatre Royal, Covent Garden, "April 20, 1831. "It is very true that we have more than one ass's head in the Covent Garden property-room, and I know of no person whom I would more readily assist with one than yourself; but the fact is, my dear Elliston, that the affairs of the theatre are now in Chancery, and we do not feel ourselves authorized to trust any of our materiel out of our possession for ever so short a period, the more especially when we know not how soon we may have occasion for it ourselves. Your property-man, however, is at perfect liberty to take a pattern of our asses' heads whenever he chooses, the admeasurement from the specimens we have of the depth of our craniums, and the length of our ears (which have been so much admired) may perhaps assist him. "Regretting much that I cannot consistently with my duty to myself and the other proprietors comply more fully with your request, "Believe me, "My dear Elliston, "Yours, &c." One less good humoured than Elliston, might have taken umbrage at this rather Midas-like refusal; but not so he, he kept his temper, and contented himself by taking his revenge in the following caustic rejoinder. "My dear Fellow, "I have received yours, in which you tell me you have got your asses' heads in Chancery; this I am not surprised at, I only wonder such was not the case long before. I readily conceive you can ill spare them and would feel at a loss without them. "I thank you for the offer to let my property-man (who, by the by, is one of the best in England) take a copy from your specimens, and have spoken to him upon the subject; he is acquainted with the capabilities of your heads, but says they are by no means long enough for the Surrey stage; he thinks also, they are too shallow, and too thick for our audiences; we have therefore determined to dismiss Bottom from our pageant in toto. "By the by, we have an excellent fool's cap and bells in our stock, for which we have no occasion, they are very much at your service whenever you may require them-verbum sap. "Yours very cordially, "ROBERT WILLIAM ELLISTON.” |