less accompanied with pieces of wedding-cake, which were inserted only in the editor's oesophageal column. (I beg to say that I spelt that long word out of the dictionary, so I am sure it's right.) Well, I went in one Sunday, "Damon, a gentleman of nineteen, having a small salary, with great hope that it will increase, being five feet four and light complexioned, seeks a sympathizing woman with black hair and a shop not previously married." That was what I put into the paper, and the same day that it appeared I looked among the applications from the lady correspondents. Unfortunately most of them wanted their husbands to be six feet long, and stained mahogany, I being neither. But there was one who said she preferred intellect to bodily appearance, and having capital of her own, sought nothing but worth in her life's partner. She signed herself "Lilly." I replied to her, and, through the editor obtained her address, with leave to call and introduce myself-at No.-, Berkeley Square. She proved to be the cook, and a very large person. She had saved wages. Our interview was short, not unmingled with proud disdain on her part, which I attributed to the caprice of wealth, and, perhaps, in her own opinion, beauty. I left not without hope, but in a few days a note was transmitted to me, by which I found that I was declined, for a reason which I have not yet been able to understand-that I was a trumpery wipersnaber. The solitary answer to Damon was from a young lady, who proved to be only eleven years old; I did not then know what difficulties were before me; I therefore respectfully declined her overtures.

I need not trouble you with the history of my defeats during a struggle of some months, carried on through the medium of the public press. I underwent the degradation of being dismissed by two ladies to whom I went for inspec

tion, as a "tallowy boy." At length I yielded to despair, and gave up taking in my paper. Cut off from temptation, ignorant of the matrimonial markets, I galloped my horse about London in a frantic manner-I assist Mr. * * * the eminent butcher-and endeavour to forget my grief. I saw the hearts of sheep and bullocks daily bought with money, while mine, a man's heart, was refused even when offered as a gift!

Despair overcame me. I lost flesh. Wandering with thoughts pre-occupied, joints frequently were stolen from my tray. I should have lost my situation, if an event had not occurred which suddenly threw energy and life again into my operations.

My dear friend, William Smith,—a name so honourable why should I care to conceal?—had retired with me, for a friendly game at chuck-farthing, to the mews behind our shop. Our evening had passed off very agreeably, when my friend-who is out-door assistant to a skilful surgeon— opened his basket, and there, among the bottles of medicine which he had kindly consented to postpone delivering until the ensuing morning, lay.two papers, which he drew forth with a roguish look: a look in which my friend excels. "Damon," he says, "I intend to commit matermony." "That's rather a bold thing for a man to do at thirteen, Bill," I answered; "is that your license, and who's the happy one?" No," says he, "it's a paper what I found in the kitchen, and it tells one how to get a wife, and have the pick of a whole file on 'em where there's a firstrate stock to be disposed of." That news fell upon me as a spark falls upon tinder, and now, thought I, we shall not have to wait long for the match.

We took our seat, therefore, upon the nearest substance able to afford us that accommodation, and were proceeding

to inspect the papers, when we were accosted by a mutual friend, Mr. Thomas Brown. Mr. Brown is a scholar upon a charity foundation, a most estimable man and full of wit, although, at the same time, a compelled eccentricity about his leggings renders him, to a disagreeable extent, the cause of wit in others. We admitted our friend Brown to our councils, and proceeded to inspect the paper.

I beg to assure you, sir, that the fond hopes which dawned upon me out of the prospectus which I am now about to lay before you, were not based upon a phantom. I was not the victim of a hoax, and I enclose you, herewith, copies of the documents issued from a house in London, which, at the moment of which I am now speaking, gave a fugitive sense of delight to me, and Mr. Brown, and Mr. Smith. Smith read as follows:

"MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCE ASSOCIATION.'”

"Very good," said Mr. Brown, "there's nothing like the principle of combination. People who want to get married ought to co-operate with one another. Go ́on, Smith; very good."

"MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCE ASSOCIATION.' "Bravo!" said I, "Matrimony unites folks, Alliance unites folks, and Association unites folks; so that's what I consider an emphatic title."

"Hold your tongue," said Mr. Smith, "and let me go on reading, will you?"

"Established as a Medium for the introduction of Parties unknown to each other who are desirous of entering into Matrimony.'"

"That's your sort," said Brown, in his sarcastic manner. "I see at once that the writer of this is thoroughly well up in his materials. Parties unknown to each other, always

are the sort who are desirous of being united in the bonds of matrimony. If they knew a little more, they'd think a little longer. Go on, Smith."

""_conducted on the system so successfully adopted in New York and Paris.

"The most INVIOLABLE SECRESY being SECURED to both

sexes.

"The Application of the system is not confined to one Class of Individuals, but presents equal advantages to the TRADESMAN as well as to the PEER.

"All Forms of Application, being duly and properly filled up with particulars, to be enclosed in a Double Cover, addressed to the Secretary, numbered 1 and 2-No. 1 being the Form filled up with the Initials and Address (real or nominal), with other particulars, for the Secretary: No. 2, to contain real Name and Address (under sealed cover), which will only be opened when the proper opportunity arrives, and matters appear propitious. But if from any circumstance it may not be required, it will be returned (unopened) as per Address real or nominal, as contained in Form No. 1, —thus securing secresy and honourable conduct.

"FOR EXAMPLE:-Any lady or gentleman may receive the Form of a likely candidate, for perusal, and who approve the same, but decline a personal interview, can forward their PORTRAIT to the Secretary—'"

I was glad at hearing that, for it was then not a week since I had procured myself to be cut out in a black profile by an artist who occupies a tent in the Blackfriars Road. I rejoiced now, therefore, over that well-invested penny. Smith continued reading—

666

'(prepaid), who will show it only to interested parties; after which the same will be returned at any time when required.

"As soon as all preliminaries (through the secretary) are adjusted, interviews can be arranged between candidates. "This Association being conducted on the most honourable principles, no party can be treated with, unless respectable.'"

"Quite right," said Mr. Brown. "All I can say is, they wouldn't get me to join in, if it warn't respectable." We all agreed that it was one of the best features of the scheme, and my friend went on reading.

"Private personal interviews with the secretary-in town, daily, charge five shillings; or in the country, on a moderate scale of charges. Parties desiring further information, prior to registration, must enclose stamps for answers, or no reply can be made.

"Registration Fee, 5s.,

which must accompany the letter of each applicant, payable to the secretary at Post-Office, Strand, London.

"Office hours from Ten till Four o'clock.'"

Then comes the name of the secretary, who signs himself" Esquire," and the address of the establishment.

I told my friends that I wouldn't mind going half-asovereign for a rich, handsome young wife, of noble family. Our friend Brown said that he regretted that he would be unable to go more than fourpence. Our medical friend would prefer making his investment after Boxing-day. I therefore took immediate possession of Form No. 1, and the same evening filled it up as follows. The answers, of course, being mine, all the rest is literally the printed form. 66 APPLICATION FORM.

"Candidate's Name, or Initials. Damon. "Residence-Real or Nominal.

Nominal-the Ocean

Wave.