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have nothing else to do but make observations) see meet together. He enjoys a great fortune handin every parish, street, lane, and alley of this po-somely, without launching into expense; and expulous city, a little potentate that has his court erts many noble and useful qualities, without ap. and his flatterers who lay snares for his affection pearing in any public employment. His wisdom and favour, by the same arts that are practised and knowledge are serviceable to all that think fit upon men in higher stations. to make use of them; and he does the office of a In the place I most usually frequent, men differ counsel, a judge, an executor, and a friend to all father in the time of day in which they make a his acquaintance, not only without the profits which figure, than in any real greatness above one ano- attend such offices, but also without the deference ther. I, who am at the coffee-bouse at six in the and homage which are usually paid to them. The morning, know that my friend Beaver the haber-giving of thanks is displeasing to him. The greatdasher has a levee of more undissembled friends est gratitude you can show him, is to let him see and admirers, than most of the courtiers and generals you are the better man for his services; and that of Great Britain. Every man about him has, per- you are as ready to oblige others, as he is to oblige haps, a newspaper in his hand; but none can pre-you.
tend to guess what step will be taken in any one In the private exigencies of his friends, he lends court of Europe, till Mr. Beaver has thrown down at legal value considerable sums, which he might his pipe, and declares what measures the allies highly increase by rolling in the public stocks. He must enter into upon this new posture of affairs. does not consider in whose hands his money will Our coffee-house is near one of the inns of court, improve most, but where it will do most good. and Beaver has the audience and admiration of his Eubulus has so great an authority in his little neighbours from six till within a quarter of eight, diurnal audience, that when he shakes his head at at which time he is interrupted by the students of any piece of public news, they all of them appear and the house; some of whom are ready dressed for dejected; and, on the contrary, go home to their Westminster at eight in a morning, with faces as dinners with a good stomach and cheerful aspect, busy as if they were retained in every cause there; when Eubulus seems to intimate that things go m and others come in their night-gowns to saunter well. Nay, their veneration towards him is so great, away their time, as if they never designed to go that when they are in other company they speak thither. I do not know that I meet, in any of my and act after him; are wise in his sentences, and walks, objects which move both my spleen and are no sooner sat down at their own tables, but laughter so effectually, as those young fellows at they hope or fear, rejoice or despond, as they saw the Grecian, Squire's, Searle's, and all other coffee-him do at the coffee-house. In a word, every man houses adjacent to the law, who rise early for no is Eubulus as soon as his back is turned. other purpose but to publish their laziness. One Having here given an account of the several would think these young virtuosos take a gay cap reigns that succeed each other from day-break till and slippers, with a scarf and party-coloured gown, dinner time, I shall mention the monarchs of the to be ensigns of dignity; for the vain things ap-afternoon on another occasion, and shut up the proach each other with an air, which shows they whole series of them with the history of Tom the regard one another for their vestments. I have ob- Tyrant;* who, as first minister of the coffee-house, served, that the superiority among these proceeds takes the government upon him between the hours from an opinion of gallantry and fashion. The of eleven and twelve at night, and gives his orders gentleman in the strawberry sash, who presides so in the most arbitrary manner to the servants be much over the rest, has, it seems, subscribed to low him, as to the disposition of liquors, coal, and every opera this last winter, and is supposed to cinders. receive favours from one of the actresses.
When the day grows too busy for these gentle. men to enjoy any longer the pleasures of their dishabille, with any manner of confidence, they give place to men who have business or good sense in their faces, and come to the coffee-house either to transact affairs, or enjoy conversation. The persons to whose behaviour and discourse I have most regard, are such as are between these two sorts of men; such as have not spirits too active to be happy and well pleased in a private condition, WHEN the four Indian kingst were in this coun nor complexions too warm to make them neglect try about a twelvemonth ago, I often mixed with the duties and relations of life. Of these sort of the rabble, and followed them a whole day tomen consist the worthier part of mankind; of these gether, being wonderfully struck with the sight of are all good fathers, generous brothers, sincere every thing that is new or uncommon. I have, friends, and faithful subjects. Their entertainments since their departure, employed a friend to make are derived rather from reason than imagination; many inquiries of their landlord the upholsterer, which is the cause that there is no impatience or relating to their manners and conversation, as also instability in their speech or action. You see in concerning the remarks which they made in this their countenances they are at home, and in quiet country: for, next to the forming a right notion of possession of the present instant as it passes, without desiring to quicken it by gratifying any pasSee Tat. Nos. 16, 17, 26, and 36. sion, or prosecuting any new design. These are the
The waiter of that coffee-house, nick-named Sir Thomas, Swift writes thus to Stella, in his Journal, under date 28th men formed for society, and those little communities April, 1711. The Spectator is written by Steele, with Addison's which we express by the word neighbourhood. help; 'tis often very pretty. Yesterday it was made of a noble he hint I gave him long ago for his Tatlers, about an Indian, supa intended to have written a book on that subject. I believe he has spent it all in one paper, and all the underhints there are vol. xv. p. 32, 33, odit. 1801. See also Tat. No. 171. mine too; but I never see him or Addison. See Swift's Works
The coffee-house is the place of rendezvous to all that live near it, who are thus turned to relish calm and ordinary life. Eubulus presides over the mid. dle hours of the day, when this assembly of men
N° 50. FRIDAY, APRIL 27, 1711.
Nunquam aliud natura, aliud sapientia dixit.
JUV. Sat. xiv. 321.
such strangers, I should be desirous of learning in our way, for that if we did, they would be apt what ideas they have conceived of us. to knock us down for being kings.
The upholsterer finding my friend very inquisi- Our other interpreter used to talk very much tive about these his lodgers, brought him some time of a kind of animal called a tory, that was as since a little bundle of papers, which he assured great a monster as the whig, and would treat us as him were written by king Sa Ga Yean Qua Rashill for being foreigners. These two creatures, it Tow, and, as he supposes, left behind by some seems, are born with a secret antipathy to one mistake. These papers are now translated, and another, and engage when they meet as naturally contain abundance of very odd observations, which as the elephant and the rhinoceros. But as we I find this little fraternity of kings made during saw none of either of these species, we are apt to their stay in the isle of Great Britain. I shall pre- think that our guides deceived us with misrepresent my reader with a short specimen of them in sentations and fictions, and amused us with an acthis paper, and may perhaps communicate more to count of such monsters as are not really in their him bereafter. In the article of London are the country. following words, which without doubt are meant of the church of St. Paul:
"These particulars we made a shift to pick out from the discourse of our interpreters; which we put together as well as we could, being able to understand but here and there a word of what they said, and afterwards making up the meaning of it among ourselves. The men of the country are very cunning and ingenious in handicraft works,
On the most rising part of the town there stands a huge house, big enough to contain the whole naon of which I am king. Our good brother E Low O Koam, king of the Rivers, is of opinion it as made by the hands of that great God to whom but withal so very idle, that we often saw young it is consecrated. The kings of Granajah and of lusty raw-boned fellows carried up and down the the Six Nations believe that it was created with streets in little covered rooms, by a couple of porthe earth, and produced on the same day with the ters, who are hired for that service Their dress is S and moon. But for my part, by the best in-likewise very barbarous; for they almost strangle formation that I could get of this matter, I am apt themselves about the neck, and bind their bodies to think that this prodigious pile was fashioned with many ligatures, that we are apt to think are to the shape it now bears by several tools and the occasion of several distempers among them, struments, of which they have a wonderful which our country is entirely free from. Instead of Variety in this country.. It was probably at first those beautiful feathers with which we adorn our auge misshapen rock that grew upon the top of heads, they often buy up a monstrous bush of hair, the hill, which the natives of the country (after which covers their heads, and falls down in a large having cut it into a kind of regular figure) bored fleece below the middle of their backs; with hollowed with incredible pains and industry, which they walk up and down the streets, and are they had wrought it into all those beautiful as proud of it as if it was of their own growth. alts and caverns into which it is divided at this We were invited to one of their public diveray. As soon as this rock was thus curiously sions, where we hoped to have seen the great men cooped to their liking, a prodigious number of of their country running down a stag, or pitching ads must have been employed in chipping the a bar, that we might have discovered who were the utside of it, which is now as smooth as the sur- persons of the greatest abilities among them; but ice of a pebble; and is in several places hewn instead of that, they conveyed us into an huge ut into pillars, that stand like the trunks of so room lighted up with abundance of candles, where any trees bound about the top with garlands of this lazy people sat still above three hours to see aves. It is probable that when this great work several feats of ingenuity performed by others, begun, which must have been many hundred who it seems were paid for it.
ars ago, there was some religion among this peo- As for the women of the country, not being le, for they gave it the name of a temple, and able to talk with them, we could only make our se a tradition that it was designed for men to remarks upon them at a distance. They let the y their devotion in. And indeed there are seve-hair of their heads grow to a great length; but as reasons which make us think that the natives the men make a great show with heads of hair that this country had formerly among them some are none of their own, the women, who they say rt of worship; for they set apart every seventh have very fine heads of hair, tie it up in a knot, y as sacred: but upon my going into one of these and cover it from being seen. The women look ly houses on that day, I could not observe any like angels, and would be more beautiful than the Cinstance of devotion in their behaviour. There sun, were it not for little black spots that are apt s indeed a man in black, who was mounted to break out in their faces, and sometimes rise in ove the rest, and seemed to utter something with very odd figures. I have observed that those little eat deal of vehemence; but as for those under- blemishes wear off very soon; but when they disath him, instead of paying their worship to the appear in one part of the face, they are very apt y of the place, they were most of them bowing to break out in another, insomuch that I have seen courtesying to one another, and a considerable a spot upon the forehead in the afternoon, which ther of them fast asleep. was upon the chin in the morning.' The queen of the country appointed two men tend us, that had enough of our language to The author then proceeds to show the absurdity ke themselves understood in some few particu- of breeches and petticoats, with many other curious But we soon perceived these two were great observations which I shall reserve for another ocmies to one another, and did not always agree casion. I cannot, however, conclude this paper Le same story. We could make shift to gather without taking notice, that amidst these wild reof one of them, that this island was very much marks there now and then appears something very sted with a monstrous kind of animals, in the reasonable. I cannot likewise forbear observing, e of men, called whigs; and he often told us, that we are all guilty in some measure of the same he hoped we should meet with none of them narrow way of thinking which we meet with in
this abstract of the Indian journal, when we fancy called She Would if she Could. Other poets have the customs, dresses, and manners, of other coun-here and there given an intimation that there is tries are ridiculous and extravagant, if they do not this design, under all the disguises and affectations resemble those of our own.
which a lady may put on; but no author, except this, has made sure work of it, and put the imaginations of the audience upon this one purpose from the beginning to the end of the comedy. It has always fared accordingly; for whether it be that all who go to this piece would if they could, or that the innocents go to it, to guess only what she would if she could, the play has always been well received.
N° 51. SATURDAY, APRIL 28, 1711.
Torquet ab obscenis jam nunc sermonibus aurem.
It lifts an heavy empty sentence, when there is added to it a lascivious gesture of body; and when it is too low to be raised even by that, a flat meaning is enlivened by making it a double one. Mr fortune, quality, and person, are such as Writers who want genius never fail of keeping render me as conspicuous as any young woman in this secret in reserve, to create a laugh or raise a town. It is in my power to enjoy it in all its clap. I, who know nothing of women but from vanities; but I have, from a very careful educa- seeing plays, can give great guesses at the whole tion, contracted a great aversion to the forward structure of the fair sex, by being innocently placed air and fashion which is practised in all public in the pit, and insulted by the petticoats of their places and assemblies. I attribute this very much dancers; the advantages of whose pretty persons to the style and manner of our plays. I was last are a great help to a dull play. When a poet night at The Funeral, where a confident lover in flags in writing lusciously, a pretty girl can move the play, speaking of his mistress, cries out, "Oh lasciviously, and have the same good consequence that Harriot! to fold these arms about the waist for the author. Dull poets in this case use their of that beauteous, struggling, and at last yielding audiences, as dull parasites do their patrons; when fair!" Such an image as this ought by no means they cannot longer divert them with their wit or to be presented to a chaste and regular audience. humour, they bait their ears with something which I expect your opinion of this sentence, and recom-is agreeable to their temper, though below their mend to your consideration, as a Spectator, the understanding. Apicius cannot resist being pleased, conduct of the stage at present with relation to if you give him an account of a delicious meal; or chastity and modesty. Clodius, if you describe a wanton beauty: though at the same time, if you do not awake those inclinations in them, no men are better judges of what is just and delicate in conversation. But as I have before observed, it is easier to talk to the
The complaint of this young lady is so just, that the offence is gross enough to have displeased per-man, than to the man of sense. sons who cannot pretend to that delicacy and mo- It is remarkable, that writers of the least learndesty, of which she is mistress. But there is a great ing are best skilled in the luscious way. The deal to be said in behalf of an author. If the poetesses of the age have done wonders in this audience would but consider the difficulty of keep-kind; and we are obliged to the lady who writ ing up a sprightly dialogue, for five acts together, Ibrahim,* for introducing a preparatory scene to they would allow a writer, when he wants wit, the very action, when the emperor throws his handand cannot please any otherwise, to help it out kerchief as a signal for his mistress to follow him with a little smuttiness. I will answer for the into the most retired part of the seraglio. It must poets, that no one ever writ bawdry for any other be confessed his Turki majesty went off with a reason but dearth of invention. When the author good air, but methought we made but a sad figure cannot strike out of himself any more of that which who waited without. This ingenious gentlewoman, he has superior to those who make up the bulk of in this piece of bawdry, refined upon an author his audience, his natural recourse is to that which of the same sex, who, in The Rover, makes a he has in common with them; and a description country 'squire strip to his Holland drawers. For which gratifies a sensual appetite will please, when Blunt is disappointed, and the emperor is underthe author has nothing about him to delight a re-stood to go on to the utmost. The pleasantry of fined imagination. It is to such a poverty we must stripping almost naked has been since practised impute this and all other sentences in plays, which (where indeed it should have been begun) very are of this kind, and which are commonly termed successfully at Bartholomew fair. luscious expressions.+ It is not here to be omitted, that in one of the This expedient to supply the deficiencies of wit, above-mentioned female compositions, the Rover has been used more or less by most of the authors is very frequently sent on the same errand; as I who have succeeded on the stage; though I know take it, above once every act. This is not wholly but one who has professedly writ a play upon the unnatural; for, they say, the men authors draw basis of the desire of multiplying our species, and themselves in their chief characters, and the women that is the polite Sir George Etherege; if I under-writers may be allowed the same liberty. Thus, stand what the lady would be at, in the play as the male wit gives his hero a great fortune, the female gives her heroine a good gallant, at the end
From the quotation at the beginning of this paper, Swift of the play. But, indeed, there is hardly a play seems to have believed Steele the writer of it; for it seems he gave one can go to, but the hero or fine gentleman of the hint of it to him. It has, however, Addison's signature in the original publication in folio, and is reprinted by Tickell in his it strats off upon the same account, and leaves us
edition of Addison's Works in 4to.
'I am, SIR,
+ Sir R. Steele's comedy, Act ii. scene 1.
Steele softened the passage quoted, in the next edition that was published.
* Mrs. Mary Pix,
† Mrs. Behn.
By a rope-dancer called Lady Mary.
to consider what good office he has put us to, or my person, they have already sent me up an anto employ ourselves as we please. To be plain, a swer. As to the proposal of a marriage between man who frequents plays would have a very re-myself and the matchless Hecatissa, I have but spectful notion of himself, were he to recollect one objection to it; which is, that all the society how often he has been used as pimp to ravishing will expect to be acquainted with her; and who tyrants, or successful rakes. When the actors make can be sure of keeping a woman's heart long, their exit on this good occasion, the ladies are sure where she may have so much choice? I am the to have an examining glance from the pit, to see more alarmed at this, because the lady seems parhow they relish what passes: and a few lewd fools ticularly smitten with men of their make.
are very ready to employ their talents upon the I believe I shall set my heart upon her: and composure or freedom of their looks. Such in-think never the worse of my mistress for an epicidents as these make some ladies wholly absent gram a smart fellow writ, as he thought, against themselves from the playhouse; and others never her; it does but the more recommend her to me. raiss the first day of a play, lest it should prove too At the same time, I cannot but discover that his luscious to admit their going with any countenance malice is stolen from Martial : to it on the second.
'Youn letter to us we have received, as a signal
If men of wit, who think fit to write for the stage, instead of this pitiful way of giving delight, would turn their thoughts upon raising it from such good natural impulses as are in the audience, but are choked up by vice and luxury, they would not only please, but befriend us at the same time. If a man had a mind to be new in his way of writing, mark of your favour and brotherly affection. might not he who is now represented as a fine gen-shall be heartily glad to see your short face in Oxleman, though he betrays the honour and bed of ford: and since the wisdom of our legislature has his neighbour and friend, and lies with half the been immortalized in your speculations, and our women in the play, and is at last rewarded with personal deformities in some sort by you recorded her of the best character in it; I say, upon giving to all posterity; we hold ourselves in gratitude the comedy another cast, might not such a one bound to receive with the highest respect, all such vert the audience quite as well, if at the catas- persons as for their extraordinary merit you shall trophe he were found out for a traitor, and met think fit, from time to time, to recommend unto with contempt accordingly? There is seldom a the board. As for the Pictish damsel, we have an person devoted to above one darling vice at a time, easy chair prepared at the upper end of the table: that there is room enoug to catch at men's which we doubt not but she will grace with a very hearts to their good and advantage, if the poets hideous aspect, and much better become the seat attempt it with the honesty which becomes in the native and unaffected uncomeliness of her Bir characters. person, than with all the superficial airs of the There is no man who loves his bottle or his mis- pencil, which (as you have very ingeniously obtress, in a manner so very abandoned, as not to be served) vanish with a breath, and the most innoCapable of relishing an agreeable character, that cent adorer may deface the shrine with a salutano way a slave to either of those pursuits. Ation, and in the literal sense of our poets, snatch an that is temperate, generous, valiant, chaste, and imprint his balmy kisses, and devour her meltathful, and honest, may, at the same time, have ing lips. In short, the only faces of the Pictish t, humour, mirth, good-breeding, and gallantry. kind that will endure the weather must be of Dr. While he exerts these latter qualities, twenty ocCarbuncle's die: though his, in truth, has cost him ons might be invented to show he is master of a world the painting; but then he boasts with other noble virtues. Such characters would Zeuxis, in æternitatem pingo; and oft jocosely tells site and reprove the heart of a man of sense, the fair ones, would they acquire colours that would when he is given up to his pleasures. He would stand kissing, they must no longer paint, but drink see he has been mistaken all this while, and be for a complexion; a maxim that in this our age convinced that a sound constitution and an inno-has been pursued with no ill success; and has been ent mind, are the true ingredients for becoming, as admirable in its effects, as the famous cosmetic d enjoying life. All men of true taste would mentioned in the Postman, and invented by the a man of wit, who should turn his ambition renowned British Hippocrates of the pestle and mortar: making the party, after a due course, rosy, hale, and airy: and the best and most approved receipt now extant, for the fever of the spirits. But to return to our female candidate, who, I understand, returned to herself, and will no longer hang out false colours; as she is the first of her sex that bas done us so great an honour, she will certainly in a very short time, both in prose and verse, be a lady of the most celebrated deformity now living, and meet with many admirers here as frightful as herself. But being a longheaded gentlewoman, I am apt to imagine she has some further design than you have yet penetrated; and perhaps has more mind to the Spectator than
sway, a friend and benefactor to his country:
ingenious correspondent, like a sprightly wife, any of his fraternity, as the person of all the world always have the last word. I did not think she could like for a paramour. And, if so, really last letter to the deformed fraternity would I cannot but applaud her choice; and should be ve occasioned any answer, especially since I glad, if it might lie in my power, to effect an promised them so sudden a visit: but as they amicable accommodation betwixt two faces of nk they cannot show too great a veneration for such different extremes, as the only possible expe
N° 52. MONDAY, APRIL 30, 1711.
Omnes ut tecum meritis pro talibus annos
"Tacta places audita places, si non videare
· MR. SPECTATOR,
dient to mend the breed, and rectify the physiog-| nomy of the family on both sides. And again, as IAM glad I can inform you, that your endea. she is a lady of a very fluent elocution, you need vours to adorn that sex, which is the fairest part not fear that your child will be born dumb, which of the visible creation, are well received, and like otherwise you might have some reason to be appre- to prove not unsuccessful. The triumph of Daphne hensive of. To be plain with you, I can see nothing over her sister Lætitia has been the subject of shocking in it; for though she has not a face like conversation at several tea-tables where I have a john-apple, yet as a late friend of mine, who at been present; and I have observed the fair circle sixty-five ventured on a lass of fifteen, very fre- not a little pleased to find you considering them as quently, in the remaining five years of his life, reasonable creatures, and endeavouring to banish gave me to understand, that as old as he then that Mahometan custom, which had too much preseemed, when they were first married he and his vailed even in this island, of treating women as if spouse could make but fourscore; so may madam they had no souls. I must do them the justice to Hecatissa very justly allege hereafter, that as long-say, that there seems to be nothing wanting to the visaged as she may then be thought, upon their finishing of these lovely pieces of human nature, wedding-day Mr. Spectator and she had but half besides the turning and applying their ambition an ell of face betwixt them; and this my worthy properly, and the keeping them up to a sense of predecessor Mr. Serjeant Chin, always maintained what is their true merit. Epictetus, that plain hoto be no more than the true oval proportion be-nest philosopher, as little as he had of gallantry, tween man and wife. But as this may be a new appears to have understood them, as well as the thing to you, who have hitherto had no expectations polite St. Evremont, and has hit this point very from women, I shall allow you what time you think luckily. "When young women," says he, fit to consider on it: not without some hope of see-rive at a certain age, they hear themselves called ing at last your thoughts hereupon subjoined to Mistresses, and are made to believe, that their only mine, and which is an honour much desired by, business is to please the men; they immediately begin to dress, and place all their hopes in the adorning of their persons; it is therefore," con tinues he, "worth the while to endeavour by all means to make them sensible, that the honour paid to them is only upon account of their conducting themselves with virtue, modesty, and discretion."
and most humble servant,
Now to pursue the matter yet further, and to render your cares for the improvement of the fair
You proposed in your Spectator of last Tues-ones more effectual, I would propose a new meday, Mr. Hobbes's hypothes for solving that thod, like those applications which are said to very old phænomenon of laughter. You have made convey their virtue by sympathy; and that is, that the hypothesis valuable by espousing it yourself; in order to embellish the mistress, you should give for had it continued Mr. Hobbes's nobody would a new education to the lover, and teach the men have minded it. Now here this perplexed case not to be any longer dazzled by false charms and de arises. A certain company laughed very heartily unreal beauty. I cannot but think that if our sex upon the reading of that very paper of yours; and knew always how to place their esteem justly, the truth on it is, he must be a man of more than selves in deserving it. For as the being enamoured the other would not be so often wanting to them ordinary constancy that could stand out against so much comedy, and not do as we did. Now there with a woman of sense and virtue is an improveare few men in the world so far lost to all good ment to a man's understanding and morals, and the sense, as to look upon you to be a man in a state of passion is ennobled by the object which inspires folly "inferior to himself." Pray then how do you a man of a wise and elegant mind, carries in itself it; so, on the other side, the appearing amiable to justify your hypothesis of laughter? 'Your most humble, no small degree of merit and accomplishment. I conclude, therefore, that one way to make the wo men yet more agreeable is, to make the men more virtuous.
Thursday, the 26th of the month of fools."
"Your humble servant,
No 53. TUESDAY, MAY 1, 1711,
Aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus.
* See No, 47.
Mr correspondents grow so numerous, that I cannot avoid frequently inserting their applications
'I am, SIR,
"Your most humble servant,
'YOURS of Saturday last‡ I read, not without some
But, sir, there are others yet, that your in-