A

FEAST OF WIT;

OR,

SPORTSMAN's HALL.

Gentleman writes from Liverpool, that a couple going to be married, the gentleman at the church-door ftopped fhort, and thus addreffed, the lady :-"Mary, 1 have told you a great deal of my mind, but not the whole of it. If I marry you, I shall infift on three things. First, I fhall fleep alone; fecondly, I fhall eat alone; and thirdly, I fhall often find fault when there is no occafion. Can you fubmit to thefe conditions ?"

"Yes," replied the lady; " for, firft, if you fleep alone, I will not. If you dine alone, I will dine firft; and as to your finding fault without occafion, I will always take care that fall be impoffible." They afterwards were married, with a fair profpect of being happy.

Two Ambaffadors from the Republic of Venice to the Emperor Frederick obferved, that they were treated with great contempt by his Imperial Majefty, on account of their youth, as he expreffed his furprife that two beardlefs Ambaffadors fhould be fent to his Court. "If the Republic, faid one of them, had only known that your Majesty preferred Beards to Wifdom, they could have fent a couple of Goats, as being likely to be more acceptable."

Frederick the Great of Pruffia, being feveral times importuned by a young Clerical Candidate-under twenty-for a living, his Majefty fent back his laft memorial with the following words written in his own hand, at the bottom of the paper: Sam. book ii. chap. x.

V.

5."-On the astonished youth's confulting his bible, he found in the paffage referred to, the following words: - Tarry at Jericho until your beard is grown, and then re

turn !**

Some time fince a preacher in Ireland took notice, that the prefent age was the most abandoned and profligate fince the existence of the world." Wickedness," added he, "is now arrived at fuch a pitch, that we frequently fee children before they can either SPEAK or WALK, running about the streets, blafpheming their Maker!"

66

At the Somerset feffions, held laft month at Wells, H. Edgell was tried for ftealing a turkey; and Mr. Burland, the Chairman, enquiring if no one would give him a character, a countryman bawled out, "O yes, Zir, he comes from very honeft parents; his feather was a Lawyer !" The Court was thrown into a convulfion of laughter; but the Jury, notwithstanding this excellent, character, found the prifoner guilty.

TWO BARBERS JOKES.

Two country barbers, one scarce three feet and an half high, the other upwards of fix feet, refiding in Suffex, about twenty miles apart, and perfonally unknown to each other, confidered themselves as rivals; and from some keen cenfure of the little man, determined the tall man to fhow his fuperiority by fome means. He accordingly one day took occafion to go purpofely to the little man's houfe to be fhaved, and gave fome particular reafon, that in that operation he never could bear to fit down. The little man, not willing to lofe the job, readily undertook, and finifhed the troublefome business, calling a After he pair of steps to his aid. was gone, the little man finding him his rival, and confidering how he could repay in kind, went one day to the tall man's houfe, and defired him alfo to fhave him, ad. ding, that he could never bear to fit in a chair during the operation; in which fituation the tall man was obliged, by a cuftomary etiquette

of

name was Mofes M'Gill. This learned perfon, like Dennis the critic, thought proper to write remarks on Addifon's tragedy of Cato, and frequently plied this tafk even in fchool hours. One day, having occafion to go out of the room fuddenly, he forgot to lock up his papers, which lay up on the defk. A fprightly lad, who was roving about, chanced to come clofe to the defk, and perceiving the, manufcript, was prompted by curiofity to pry into it. He then wrote the following couplet in the lower margin:

Fifft murder'd by thyfelf, and next by Gill.

At an inn near Hampstead, at which there is a Sunday, ordinary, a gentleman, going to dine in the neighbourhood, being rather too early, went in and called for a pint of porter: the dinner was just go. ing on the table, and but few people there to partake, made the landlord reckon short on that day's profit. He preffed the gentleman to tafte the beef, as being remark-Unhappy Cato, ever doom'd to ill! ably fine, which he did, by literally: taking a mouthful: however, when he was departing, and paying for his porter, was told there was 15. 6d. for eating, as it was the conftant plan of the house to charge that fum, for eating more or lefs. He paid it, but could not help thinking it a grofs impofition, and determined to play the landlord a joke in return; he therefore made enquiry, and finding a leg of mutton and two quartern-loaf man, dreffed him rather decently, and took him, together with a friend, to enjoy the For Tom was a Wit: and his uncle's red

joke. They were feated, and the devourer quickly difpatched four plates full, and was proceeding to pick the bones of the joint; at which the aftonished landlord broke out in an ejaculation, and exclaimed that he fhould not have

enough for his fervant's dinner;" which caufed the gentlemen' to laugh, and Ted to the discovery. The landlord remembered the charge of 1s. 6d. for the mouthful,' and declared he would not take any thing for the day's entertain. ment, provided they never brought the man again.

"

Not quite five hundred years ago, there flourished, in the metropolis of the fifter kingdom, a fchool-master of eminence, whofe "VOL. XIII, No. 6.

The Hon. Mrs. Twifsleton, formerly Mifs Wattel, has not renounced her late husband's name, but only his arms."

THE WITLESS WITLING.
AN EPIGRAM.

FOR his nephew, the Vicar a fortune had
fcrap'd,

And Tom was his heir, by his will;
But Tom's flippant tongue, not his patron

efcap'd,

As his clack-rattle never ftood ftill.

face,

He to Bardolph's was wont to compare And he'd queer the old putt, for his longwinded grace,

Or mimick his mumbling at pray'r. Then to pofe and perplex him with quib bles, one day,

2

Being wantonly feiz'd with the fit; "Prithee, Parfon," fays Tom, "what's the diff'rence, I pray, "Between a wife Man and a Wit ?" "Why Tom, the whole diff'rence lies here," quoth the Prieft,

ર

"A meer Wit is to folly fo prone;
That, to gall his best friend, he'll let fly

his worst jest,

"But a wife Man will let it alone.
"Thus you, for your fport, my complex-
ion deride,

And a carbuncle make of each pimple:
"For which, you must know, I've my will
fet afide,
"But have left you, of w IT-a fee fimple."
Hh
SPORTING

"