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Ham. They are sheep and calves that seek out assistance in that. I will speak to this fellow: Whose skull was this, sirrah?

Clown. A whoreson mad fellow's it was ;

do you think it was?

Ham. Nay, I know not.

whose

Clown. A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! he poured a flaggon of rhenish on my head once. This same skull, sir, was Yorick's skull, the king's jester.

Ham. This?

Clown. E'en that.

Ham. Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times: and now how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises in it. Here hung those lips, that I have kiss'd I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now; your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table in a roar? not one now to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen? now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this savour she must come; make her laugh at that-Pr'ythee, Horatio, tell me one thing.

Hor. What's that, my lord?

Ham. Dost thou think Alexander looked o' this fashion i' th' earth?

Hor. E'en so.

Ham. And smelt so.

Hor. E'en so, my lord.

[Smelling to the skull.

Ham. To what base uses we may return, Ho

ratio!

Shakspeare.

DUELLING RIDICULED.

CLOWN, DUKE, AND JAQUES.

Jaques. HERE comes a strange beast, which in all tongues is called fool.

Clown. Salutation and greeting to you all.

Jaques. Good my lord bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded gentleman, that I have so often met in the forest: he hath been a courtier, be

swears.

Clown. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend; smooth with mine enemy; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.

Jaques. And how was that taken up?

Clown. 'Faith, we met; and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.

Jaques. How the seventh cause? Good, my lord, like this fellow.

Duke. I like him very well.

Clown. I press in here, sir, among the rest of the country copulatives. Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house, as your pearl in your foul oyster.

Duke. By my honour, he is very swift and sententious.

Clown. According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.

Jaques. But for the seventh cause; how do you find the quarrel on the seventh cause.

Clown. Upon a lie seven times removed; as thus, sir: I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's YOL. IV.

KK

beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was. This is called the retort courteous. If I sent him word again, it was not well cut, he would send me word, he cut it to please himself. This is called the quip modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment. This is called the reply churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer, I spake not true. This is called the reproof valiant. it was not well cut, he would say, I lie. called the counter check quarrelsome; and so the lie circumstantial, and the lie direct.

If again,

This is

Jaques. And how oft did you say, his beard was not well cut?

Clown. I durst go no further than the lie circumstantial; nor he durst not give me the lie direct, and so we measured swords and parted.

Jaques. Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?

Clown. O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book, as you have books for good manners. I will name you the degrees. The first, the retort courteous ; the second, the equip modest; the third, the reply churlish; the fourth, the reproof valiant; the fifth, the counter check quarrelsome; the sixth, the lie with circumstance; the seventh, the lie direct. All these you may avoid, but the lie direct; and you may avoid that too, with an if. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an if; as, if you said so, then I said so; and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your if is the only peace-maker; much virtue

in if.

Jaques. Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? He's good at any thing, and yet a fool.

Duke. He uses his folly like a stalking horse, and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit. Shakspeare.

NEW MADE GENTRY.

AUTOLICUS, SHEPHERD, CLOWN.

Aut. HERE come those I have done good to against my will, and already appearing in the blossoms of their fortune.

Shep. Come boy, I am past more children; but thy sous and daughters will be all gentlemen born, Clown. You are well met, sir, you denied to fight with me this other day, because I was no gentleman born. See you these clothes? Say, you see them not, and think me still no gentleman born. You were best say, these robes were not gentlemen born. Give me the lie; do, and try whether I am not now a gentleman born.

Aut. I know you are now, sir, a gentleman born.

Clown. Ay, and have been so any time these four hours.

Shep. And so have I, boy.

Clown. So you have; but I was a gentleman born before my father; for the king's son took me by the hand, and called me brother; and then the two kings called my father brother; and then the prince my brother, and the princess my sister, called my father, father, and so we wept; and

there was the first gentlemanlike tears that ever we shed.

Shep. We may live, son, to shed many more.

Clown. Ay, or else 'twere hard luck, being in so preposterous estate as we are.

Aut. I humbly beseech you, sir, to pardon me all the faults I have committed to your worship, and to give me your good report to the prince, my

master.

Shep. Pr'ythee, son, do; for we must be gentle now we are gentlemen.

Clown. Thou wilt amend thy life?

Aut. Ay, and it please your good worship.

Clown. Give me thy hand; I will swear to the prince, thou art as honest a true fellow as any is in Bohemia.

Shep. You may say it, but not swear it.

Clown. Not swear it, now I am a gentleman ? Let boors and franklins say it, I'll swear it.

Shep. How if it be false, son?

Clown. If it be never so false, a true gentleman may swear it in behalf of his friend: and I'll swear to the prince, thou art a tall fellow of thy hands, and that thou wilt not be drunk; but I know thou art no tall fellow of thy hands, and that thou wilt be drunk; but I'll swear it; and, I would, thou would'st be a tall fellow of thy hands.

Aut. I will prove so, sir, to my power.

Clown. Ay, by any means prove a tall fellow; if I do not wonder how thou dar'st venture to be drunk, not being a tall fellow, trust me not. Hark, the kings and the princes, our kindred, are going to see the queen's picture. Come, follow us: we'll be thy good masters. Shakspeare.

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