loaned me by my French instructor, and which I had perused and returned weeks before, it was strangely impressed on my mind that I had better turn atheist, if I could, for the sake of consistency; for he is consistent, thought I,with himself, who, never worshipping God, also denies his existence; but for me there is no such honor. I acknowledge his being, and live as if I had ascertained the contrary! I was much agitated, but broke the somnium with my motto, I will study. Thus passed away my days for many weeks; till once, when particularly chagrined at the lubricity of law in its contact with my efforts of mind to retain it, my attention was suddenly fixed and charmed with the volume. I felt a relief and a recreation of mind such as had long been unknown. My two diverse objects were unexpectedly blended; the desire to investigate scripture and the resolve to study seemed to meet at once, and be strangely reconciled.

This unexpected pleasure was produced by the occurrence of a scriptural quotation from Matt. 5: 25, "Agree with thine adversary quickly, whilst thou art in the way with him." It was in the third volume of Blackstone, chap. 20, p. 298, on Pleading. The topic respected preliminary measures with the parties, with a view to produce a reconciliation and prevent a law-suit. The usage, in the opinion of that accomplished jurist, was founded on the above passage of the gospel; which he seemed to commend and revere. His remarks appeared excellent and applicable to those who have a controversy to settle with God. So I applied them; and thought, O

that mine could be settled in the way before it comes to bar! O that there could be a liberty of imparlance, or licentia loquendi, to "end the matter amicably without further suit, by talking with the plaintiff!" In other places also, my author, I remembered, had not infrequently quoted the sayings of scripture, particularly the writings of Moses, with reverence for the sacred volume and an implied panegyric on the Jewish lawgiver. I quickly reverted to several instances, and compared them. Here I felt, unknown before, the impression which atheistical writers had already made on my mind. Moses seemed a mean, deluded Jew; and I was astounded that such a writer as Blackstone should so compliment his law knowledge, and admit his inspiration. Reflection, however, corrected the revery; and conscience whispered, you are the weak, mean, ignorant, deluded, sinful one! My enjoyment notwithstanding was great. I was arrested, entertained, absorbed. From an ocean of agitating storms and incumbent night, I had suddenly found tranquil moorings, open day, a hospitable welcome, and a palatable repast.

Intus aquæ dulces, vivoque sedilia 'saxo;

Nympharum domus; hic fessas non vincula naves
Ulla tenent, unco nonalligat anchora morsu.-Virg.

Within are waters of sweetness found,
And couches of living rock surround.

The home of the nymphs; where vessels moor,
Fatigued from the ocean, and rest secure.
No cables fix their hulls to the strand;
Nor anchor chains to néthermost land.
There zephyrs of peace screen the cove;
Its breath is summer, its whisper love.

I was delightfully engrossed; and finding that to proceed with regular study was to lose the attractive objects-was to launch out again into the inclement element, and that the margin of the page on which my eye then rested, referred me to the chapter and verse of the Pentateuch where I might also study other words of that ancient lawyer at large, I arose with alacrity (being then alone in the office) and went to that corner of the library where our learned preceptor kept his very valuable volumes of theology. There I found a Bible, and hastily snatching it, I was soon fixed in the perusal of the connection to which I was referred. Thus a quotation in a law-book was, in providence, associated with my first or best convictions in religion; it brought me to read the scriptures, and was a link in that chain of causes that ultimately bound me in a relation not (I trust) to be dissolved, to the salvation that is in Christ Jesus. "Whoso is wise, and will observe these things, even they shall understand the loving kindness of the Lord." Psalm 107: 43.

Though my religious exercises were perhaps marked and interesting, possibly edifying, I have hitherto delayed, though often requested and sometimes importuned, to write their history. My reasons for this were several and satisfactory. One was, that I was new in religion, and always have felt a dread of dishonoring that holy name by which I am called, and sometimes (not habitually) an awful fear of ultimate rejection. This may seem strange to some who know that I profess the doctrine of the perseverance, or rather the conservation, of all genuine

believers. It would not, however, seem strange to them if they also knew that doctrine; of which I have no doubt at all, and am just as fully assured of it, as that these words and a thousand others are true: "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: and I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any pluck them out of my hand. My Father, who gave them unto me, is greater than all; and none is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand. I and my Father are one." John, 10: 27-30. This decisive passage, spoken to malignant Jews, is immediately preceded by these words: "But ye believe not; because ye are not of my sheep, as I said unto you.' 26. I believe and am sure that such is the doctrine of the total Bible, and that there is not one text that asserts the contrary, or that does not rather imply and teach the infallible perseverance of all real christians; and this, after a very thorough examination of all the passages upon which some superficially rely to prove that chance, or Satan, or some other agent, "is able to pluck" the sheep of Christ out of his hands. Apostates from the faith might have had the experiences of "stony-ground" hearers, each of whom "dureth for a while, yet hath he no root, in himself;" but they were always actuated by some bad motive of deceit or sin, and so were always graceless. "They went out from us, because they were not of us." 1 John, 2:19. But what of all this? Does this ascertain or imply that I am a christian, and shall not yet apostatize, and finally perish? Not at all! There is rational space for self

diffidence and self-examination; yea, there is No DOCTRINE THAT SO MUCH INSPIRES BOTH, as that which I have just stated and confessed: nor are there any religionists whose personal assurance or presumption is so daring and void of all humility, as some, I might say many, who hold the opposite doctrine! Yes! persons who believe, they say, that there are no spiritual attainments inconsistent with eventual perdition possible to be made in this world, are the very persons whose confidence of ultimate salvation is at once most towering and secure! Having however lived twenty years in the school of Christ, and "by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me," Gal. 2: 20, and being convinced that some history of my change ought to accompany this treatise, I do very diffidently consent to the sketching of its outlines as herewith presented, in the hope that the recital may benefit some readers, and will injure none. It ought however to be remembered that an outline is not a full picture; and that the best finishing of a truth-directed sketch is that of a corresponding personal experience. Still, experiences are not the gospel they are the mere results of the gospel, in its operation, in given circumstances, on the mind and heart and life of an individual.

Without more detail of incidents, dear to my memory, but of less interest to others, suffice it that I now commenced the reading of the scriptures alone, and in good earnest. My solemn purpose was to explore the sacred book, and know from itself what it contained, and what were the internal proofs