CONVERSATIONS WITH A CABBY.

NLY a Cabby?" Well, I've not come down

so low in the world as some people. I might have been a chimney sweep or a Common Councillor. Thank 'ye, I don't smoke. We account it low on the stand. He smokes. "Who's him!" Why J. T. (Pale for me, Jordan.) Same to you, and many of 'em. Talking of J. T. reminds me of Councillor Costello-(Real Irish Blackguard; won't you take a pinch, Sir?) Well, as I was saying, Councillor Costello got into (hot water for you, Sir?) got into a regular string. This was in the Council you know,-perfect bear garden: baiting every Monday. Admission ree; children half-price It was something about a cheque; and he up and told Councillor John Matthew Smith he had been guilty of teling a gross and malicious falsehood; and Councillor John Thomas Smith (a lucifer for this gentleman, Jordan)-proposed to take Councillor Costello down, and Councillor Eades proposed to pull him up sharp; and then Councillor Costello offered to pull some shingles off the roof-his own roof, you understand, which wants re-shingling altogether; but he didn't. So the next best thing was to make an apology for his-("bad spirit ?" sorry you think so, Sir,)-imputation upon the veracity of Councillor John Matthew. He called him "John Matthew," you see, without the "Smith;" and naturally John Matthew is proud of the name which is borne by John Thomas, and complained of the omission. Suppose, says he, I were to address the chairman as Mayor, Peter, or as Peter the Mayor ?-("Peter the wild man of the woods?" never heard of him, Sir). Of course, everybody's hair stood on end, and the Clerk fainted; but they brought him to, and that little breeze was over. Presently John Thomas male a speech-(very windy for the time of year, Joe)--and Councillor Costello jumped up, like a Jack in a box, and called "Councillor J. T." to order. That was (something short, if you please; your health, Sir)-paring down names to a shaving, wasn't it? So the Mayor rebuked him for "transgressing official etiquette." I wonder what they mean by "official etiquette" in the City Council !-and Councillor Costello bounced out of the Board-room, muttering hard words, and hasn't been heard of since. Now, what we Cabbies think about doing is this,-getting up a round robin to the Council, to remove the cab-stand from the Town Hall. The house has got a bad name, you see; and people, seeing us stand outside, sometimes mistake us for Councillors; and Cabbies have feelings as well as other men. I fancy, too, that the bad language made use of, inside the Hall, reaches the ears of the horses outside, and makes the animals vicious and restive. Low company, Sir, resembles an easterly wind in England-it's "neither good for man nor beast."

WONDERFUL TRANSFORMATION.

Wonderful things occur in the West. The Banner of Belfast is published, and finds readers there. Mr. William Rutledge is derived from thence; and so is the bunyip. The Melbourne papers get all their large hailstones and many of their gigantic cauliflowers from that quarter, and in the West the Portland Chronicle flourisheth; from whose columns Punch takes the following marvellous narrative:

"A singular circumstance happene here some days back connected with snakes. A gentleman living some few miles from Mount Gambier retired to rest at the usual time, and was soon hard and fast. Happening. to wake some few hours after, he was surprised by feeling something slowly crawling across his

stomach. Judging it to be a snake, he had the presence of mind to lie perfectly motionless till he thought the head to have passed over his body and the tail only resting on him; he then suddenly leapt from the bed, and seizing a chair, being the nearest weapon at the moment, belaboured the bed and killed it instantly. It proved to be an immense brown snake, measuring five feet nine inches in length, and of large girth."

From which entertaining statement Punch has acquired three important facts in natural history:-(1) That a bed is vital; (2) that if you belabour it with the nearest weapon-a chair for example -instant death ensues; and (3) that after death, the bed is transformed into an immense brown snake.

Y'S BY POLICEMAN X.

Why does Mr. C. G. Duffy persist in pronouncing two, tew; and you, yew; and do, dew? and why will he persevere in calling paper, paypurr; and vehement, vayament ?

Why do honourable members of the Legislative Assembly, who " go in" for sarcastic humour, feel it incumbent upon them to speak through their noses?

Why is the Surveyor-General so prone to "damnable iteration"? Why does the Chairman of Committees think proper to assume such an air of painful diffidence the moment any hon. member moves that the Speaker do leave the chair?

Why does the Chief Secretary involve his speech in such a labyrinth of parentheses, without first obtaining the clue which would assist him to advance or retreat?

And why should the hon. and learned member for Melbourne deliver an elaborate harangue to the House with no other object than that of acquainting hon. members with an incident in the life of Charles

Dickens?

SONG OF THE AFFECTIONS.

'Twas ever thus in childhood's time-
I've seen my brightest prospects mizzle ;

I never prayed for weather fine
But clouds were sure to 'gin to drizzle.

I ne'er brown windsor bubbles blew,
In soap and happiness immersed,
But when they caught their loveliest bue
Those bubbles they were safe to burst.

It always would be just the same
On whatsoe'er my hopes I'd flx;
Some cruel disappointment came

And crushed me like a load of bricks.

I never loved a fair young girl,

And in my heart's affection wrapped her, But when she came to know me well, She married somebody else, it may have been a new policeman, a bailiff, or a greengrocer and go on to the end of the chapter.

Caution to M. L. A.'s.

Don't speak up, whatever happens; for the reporters are listening in the gallery, and will be almost certain to hear you if you do.

Present-The Chairman, Councillors Brown, Jones, and Robinson. The Chairman took his seat at two minutes to one o'clock, blew his nose, and read the correspondence. Letter respecting a dead dog in a public road. Referred to the Zoological Committee. Proposal to bury the same for one shilling. Referred to the finance committee. A memorial from the Twaddleton Nine-Pin Association, requesting permission to remove a stump in the park lands, and offering to stump up the whole expense. was then brought before the Council. The memorialists stated that the existence of the stump was prejudicial to the unmolested enjoyment of healthful pastime, and proceeded with all the eloquence of a stump orator to urge their petition.

Cr. Brown supported the prayer of the memorialists. He considered the T.N.P.A. (the Twaddleton Nine-Pin Association) were entitled to all the concessions and privileges extended to the cricket club, or any other club. Had a great opinion of clubs in general, and considered clubs were trumps. Had no intention of making a pun, or he might term his argument the argumentum baculinum. He concluded, and was followed by

Cr. Jones: Who took a different view, and thought that nine-pins had a demoralising tendency. The taste for frivolous diversions was alarmingly on the increase. Take cricket for instance. Many a poor misguided youth had wasted his substance in flannel jackets and spiked shoes, besides acquiring an expensive appetite from a needless violence of bodily exertion. Why could not young men stop at home on Saturday afternoons, and smoke a pipe, and drink beer, and improve their minds. He believed that cricket had a malignant influence on our domesticity, disturbed our social tranquility, invaded the domestic hearth. Dickens was keenly alive to this, and had exposed the whole thing, he (Mr. Jones) understood, in a little work, called theCricket on the Hearth." He felt it his duty to oppose the application

Cr. Robinson would have no objection to see the Corporation stir their stumps for a proper object, aud thought the question should be referred to the Park Lands' Committee. Agreed to.

to the position of a full stop in the middle of a sentence. A man who would put a period there might put a period to his existence. (Oh ! oh !) Gentlemen cried "Oh, oh !" but he (Councillor Jones) had made the same complaint at a former period. It was, in fact, a periodical abuse, and this system of stopping must be stopped. He was a punctual man himself, and liked to see punctuation properly regarded. The Councillor here became husky with emotion, sat down, and took a drink.

CONTRACTS.

John Gimblet, for constructing a wicket gate, with hinges and button complete, £1 10s. Accepted.

shillings. Accepted. Joseph Oker, painting the same, one coat including the button, four

Peter Swipes, for supplying the Council with British Beer, at 10 d. a pint. Referred to the Drainage Committee.

On the motion of Cr. Robinson, a sample, sent in a quart pot was ordered to be laid on the table, and the Council resolved itself into a committee of the whole, to examine and report upon its quality.

PETITIONS.

A petition from a decayed pastry cook, to be allowed to place a mutton-pie stall against the north side of a gum tree in the Government Reserve, was referred to the Park Land's Committee.

A petition from the rate-payers of Twaddleton, requesting that the Inspector of Nuisances be directed not to limit his functions to simple inspection, was ordered to be received.

ORDERS OF THE DAY.

Cr. Brown brought forward his motion, of which previous notice had been given, that a sum not exceeding one pound be placed on the estimates, for providing the Council Room with an Almanac. a Ready Reckoner, a Bradshaw's Guide, and other useful works. He submitted a catalogue of suitable works, which, after some discussion, was referred to the Public Works Committee.

Cr. Jones then moved for leave to introduce a request to obtain permission to bring in a bill to insure the more faithful and efficient reporting of the municipal debates. He had frequently noticed in the Argus report of his speeches that when he had purposely repeated a word or phrase three or four times, to give time to the Council to reflect and take in the full force of the expression, no notice had been taken of this artistic reiteration. Moreover, when he had strongly emphasised a passage, for the purpose of having it, printed in italics, his, intention had been disregarded; and a forcibly phrased expletive, that should have appeared in small capitals, was omitted altogether. He trusted the Council would concur with him in this matter. Cr. Brown took a very different view of the subject. He had no wish to see his speeches accurately reported. He knew he talked a great deal of nonsense; but what a man said was of small importwhat he did was the thing to look at. He (Cr. Brown) talked nonsense on principle, and for the sake of relaxation. He could think soundly, and act sensibly, but as to speaking, he had often remarked that the most sensible speakers had never done any good for themselves. Fox and Sheridan had come to grief, and Gavan Duffy was an exile. Charles the Second, again, "Never said a foolish thing, and never did a wise one." And Dr. Theodore Hook, of Leeds, the great Puseyite churchman, who preached bef r the Queen at the Baptist Chapel, at Camberwell, was keenly alive to the utter inutility of clever speechifying-accompanied. as it generally was, by imbecility of action. His pamphlet on the subject. "Sayings and Doings," published in Bohn's Cheap Series of Handbooks, and also in the Railway Library Edition of the Delphin Classics, is considered quite a textbook for legislators; and he (Conncillor Brown) would like to see a copy in possession of every municipal authority in Twaddleton.

(Our reporter here took a nap, woke up in half an hour and found Cr. Brown just concluding with the remark that "he was a man of few words, but decisive action," after which he sat down and finished the beer.)

Cr. Robinson differed from all the speakers in every particular. The course he would recommend was that each member should write out his own speech, at his convenience. Everybody knew what they intended to say, but comparatively few were aware of what they really did say. He considered that the only way of arriving at a satisfactory rendering of the debates and proceedings in that Council would be the method he should suggest. Full length portraits of the Councillors, with a bland expression, and patent leather boots, might be engraved for the yearly volume. High artistic excellence in portrait painting

would make this addition expensive. Perhaps a contract might be obtained at two pounds a member from an artist who wished to get known. But in this case the thing must be well carried out. Mr. G. V. Brooke would put the sitters in attitude. There should be a back ground of pillar and heavy curtain-a bust of Demosthenes, and a volume of Hansard a pile of papers on a table at the side, and a street map of Twaddleton in the councillors' hand. Such a volume, if handsomely printed, with copious notes, marginal references and brief biographical memoirs, maps, tables, and appendix, would be a highly useful, popular, and entertaining volume. (Hear, hear.) The worthy councillor then continued to enforce his views with a felicitous abundance of illustration and variety of anecdote, till loud cries of "Divide" choked him off.

The Chairman here begged to say that this discursive volubility was very objectionable, and a great hindrance to business. He must put the original question at once, as he had an appointment to witness some greasy-pole climbing and running in sacks. The motion was then put.

:

The following is the division list :

the purity of their motives by accepting places, with avidity, from the Government they had reviled; and how the writer, more honest and able than the rest, resolved to seek his fortunes in a new land, and has devoted his leisure hours to the composition of this essay; of which, the worst that can be said, perhaps, is that it bears too hardly upon the Dublin Nation, and speaks in terms of too enthusiastic approbation of the conduct and the conductors of the Victorian press.

EVERYONE will recognize in this Essay the eloquent pen of au eminent M.L.A., who has enjoyed peculiar opportunities of witnessing the malignant effects of the "ignorant despotism" of which he treats; and of becoming acquainted with the dark designs of evil-disposed journalists in the other hemisphere. As may be imagined, most of his illustrations of the pernicious consequences of the despotism referred to, are drawn from the recent history of his native land, and the extracts which he cites from the columns of the Dublin Nation are melancholy and instructive examples of the reckless and ferocious manner in which that despotism has been wielded, in a country where so much ignorance has unhappily prevailed amongst the readers, and so much intemperate fanaticism amongst the writers, of the public journals. He shows how the "ignorant despots" goaded a warm-hearted, impulsive, and easily-impressible people to rebellion, and then forsook them; how it was held to be a virtue to charge upon the Government and people of the sister kingdom "plague, pestilence, and famine," and the long train of evils resulting from a vicious social system and the general repudiation by all classes of the duties imposed upon them as citizens and patriots; how the "ignorant despots" set up a howl of savage joy at every temporary reverse which befell, and every prospective difficulty which threatened to perplex that sister kingdom; how they depreciated its greatness, maligned its glories, and prophesied its downfall; how they invited invasion by a foreign power, and pointed out, with a malicious eagerness, where and when England was most vulnerable; how they exaggerated every sore which existed in the body politic to a gangrene, and predicted mortification to ensue from every trifling scratch: how these ignorant despots and howling patriots evinced the sincerity of their patriotism and VIDE Parliamentary Proceedings, Wednesday, Dec. 17, 1856

STREET LYRICS.

No. 1.

Slowly fades the mellow twilight, Waning in the amber west, And upon the haunts of labor Settles down the hush of rest.

All the dome of Heaven deepens
To a tint of purple hue;
Singly first, and then in clusters,

Golden star-points glitter through.

Streaming through the dusty highways,
Pouring o'er the pavement warm,
Lo! the sons of toil and pleasure
Like to motes in sunbeams swarm.

Gentle mien and scowling visage,

Bounding step and heavy tread, Smiling lip and frowning eyebrows, Look of love, and glance of dread,

Meet the watchful eye in passing-
Stir the mind to busy thought,
For each human being's face is
With a world of meaning fraught.

Musing thus, as I was passing

Into Bourke from Stephen street, Thrilling accents, on a sudden, Did my startled hearing greet.

Looking up, I saw a mystic

Character'd and brazen plateSuch as wizards might inscribe with Terrible decrees of Fate.

On its polish'd surface flicker'd
An unearthly gleam of light,
Which the darkness, glooming round it,
Served to make more weirdly bright.

And, perforce, I paused in wonder,
Gazing on that brazen plate;
And, beneath, I saw a figure

Who in solemn silence sate : While the wizard, standing by him, Thus address'd the list'ning mob,"Honly sixpence; 'ere you are, gents, 'Ite and wait for arf a bob."

"This Question of a Straw."

With all good wishes to Mr. A. K. Smith, we think it a pity that he was not an Israelite in bondage, among the Egyptians, for be would certainly have saved the ancestors of Messrs. E. Moses and Son a great deal of trouble, having, it seems, according to the daily papers, succeeded in making bricks without straw.

BAD ILLUSTRATION.-In a recent action-Pain v. Smyth-the plaintiff said "In fact I have been a sort of Diogenes, going up and down, looking for an honest attorney." Surely, the cases are not parallel; for Diogenes only sought a rarity-not a contradiction in terms.

Mr. Duffy's row about Hansard having been kicked up to that gentleman's satisfaction (let us hope) and to the injury of no one, Captain Clarke moved the House into committee upon the series of land resolution of which he had given notice. These resolutions propose to leave the general system of land purchase very much where it now is, but to alter materially the conditions under which squatters squat. They are to be put under a rent of 2d. per acre on an average all round, and to have their runs for seven years-the terms of the leases to be, very properly, that anybody else may buy the land that chooses. The leases, in fact, will be about as binding as the obligation under which those labour who have sworn by the Horns of Highgate never to drink water when they can get wine. unless they like to drink water better. The squatters are to have their lands for seven years certain-unless taken back in the meantime. Nothing very alarming after all, so far as the public is concerned, provided the Government be well watched when preparing the leases, and that the ejusdem generis interpretation of the celebrated "ninth section" be rendered hereafter impossible for ever.

Mr. Goodman as usual made a very good speech telling strongly against the squatters. He showed, or endeavoured to show that though they have for many years been in possession of almost all the lands of the colony, they have permitted their flocks to decrease and the scab to get among them. Such has been their mismanagement and want of thrift, that in spite of the rapid tendency of sheep to increase and multiply, the export of wool was diminishing yearly, and the squatters, according to their present modes of management, would

be unable to supply 300,000 inhabitants with meat off fifty millions of acres of land much longer. Mr. Goodman, as usual, adopted the telling rhetorical artifice of pretending to take the squat ers' side.

Mr. Goodman was followed on the same side by Mr. Michie, who argued openly against the squatters, and very powerfully too. He showed that those unthrifty gentlemen had never any legal claim to fourteen years' leases, but only for a term not to exceed fourteen years. He took up the "9th section," and showed that the power of the Governor to sell land for churches, schools, cemeteries, zoological gardens, mines, "or for any other purpose of public defence, safety, utility, convenience, or enjoyment, or for otherwise facilitating the improvement and settlement of the country" was something real, and what the words expressed in plain English, although in law Latin it may be made to appear that the settlement of the colony may only be promoted by the sale of lands for purposes of the same kind with those specified, and that the Governor mustn't sell runs for agricul tural purposes, but may only establish in the wilderness more and ever more cemeteries and zoological gardens by way of " facilitating the improvement and settlement of the country." Moreover the squatters never could demand fourteen years' leases, never had demanded fourteen years' leases, wouldn't have got what they supposed if they had got fourteen years' leases, and had themselves broken through the covenants of the unissued fourteen years' leases which they contended ought still to bind the other side. Mr. Michie moved the appointment of a select committee to investigate the subject and report on how the crown lands should be dealt with. Mr. Foster made rather a good, though rather a Fosterian kind of speech, in which he claimed consideration for the squatters, not because of the orders in council but because they were good useful tenants in possession. Mr. Goodman had, however, previously disposed of that argument. Several other speakers addressed the House, after which, on the motion of Dr. Evans, the debate was adjourned.

DECEMBER 18.

LEGISLATIVE ASSEMBLY.-Divers petitions, questions, and notices, having been disposed of, the House resolved itself into committee on the Electoral Act Amendment Bill. The first clause that led to any discussion was that relating to the enfranchisement of aliens, who, according to the government scheme were required to have resided for three years in the country before being endowed with votes. Mr. Greeves, who, ever since Melbourne declined the honor of his parlia mentary services, seems to have become impressed with a great fear of throwing too much power into the hands of the people-moved the substitution of five years for three. "The sweet music of speech" was then heard from Dr. Evans, who objected to requiring any period of residence at all from aliens. He supported his view in an address quite cleanly and only moderately classical, and the chairman, Mr. Aspinal, was about to put his amendment, when Mr. Greeves interposed and desired his amendment to be first put. Hereupon arose one of those "lengthened sage "discussions upon a point of order, in which the House delights. Mr. Duffy, amongst others, contending that Mr. Greeves s view was strictly in accordance with the usages of the Imperial Parliament. Mr. Aspinal, however, drove through his proboscis a lucid and logical explanation of his reason for putting Dr. Evans's amendment first, showing that it was the right way of proceeding to decide whether there should be any limitation as to years before determining what limitation. This was the first occasion on which he had anything more than mere routine work to do since he was appointed chairman of committees, and he dealt with the difficulty well. He stated his reasons clearly, he stuck to them firmly, and he pointed out modestly, that though convinced himself it dissatisfied with his ruling to have an appeal against it heard at once would be easy and satisfactory to himself if the committee was at all by a reference to the Speaker. Mr. Greeves continuing to be troublesome, the Attorney-General, though agreeing with the rule of the chair, moved an appeal to the Speaker, but the committee was quite satisfied with the chairman's decision, and rejected the AttorneyGeneral's motion with a storm of noes against a thin scattering of ayes. The chairman, therefore (appropriately, though his own), declared "the noes have it." After some discussion both the amendments of Dr. Evans and of Mr. Greeves were rejected, and the clause as prepared by the government carried.

****

The manhood suffrage clause, giving a vote to every male person of full age and not under legal incapacity was then briefly discussed, and carried without a division, and clause 4 (enabling men to buy votes all over the country at fifty pounds a piece) came under review. Mr O'Shanassy moved the striking out of the clause, contending that property was quite amply represented in the Upper House, and that the effect of inanhood suffrage for the lower one ought not to be