On the first of April the Government Mineralogist announced an important discovery of diamonds. These proved, on enquiry, to be the common black variety, worth two pounds ten a ton, and the G. M. was hauled over the coals for experimenting on public credulity. On the same day the head pedagogue of the national schools sent an order for boys' slates and received a dray load of roofing material, the merchant having no boys' slates, had sent him "ladies." Curious illustration of the old saying that "one fool makes many " was observable on the first of this month. Great many sales effected among the merchants; and one man, for a wager, made a fool of some bottled gooseberries. An eclipse of the sun took place on the fifth, a partial eclipse, for which that luminary has great partiality, and a phenomenon involved in some obscurity. A little light prevailed throughout, just enough to read G. V. Brooke's handbills, but it is ascertained that total darkness obtained in England at the same hour and was not generally attributed to this cause. The Early Closing Society had a meeting to petition the government to shut up everything, except turnpike gates and beer shops, at six o'clock p.m., sharp. One speaker having remarked that the closing question was an open one, was greeted with cries of "shut up," and after that the resolutions all went very well, every one of them being carried. Enormous whale got on shore at Schnapper Point. Plaster cast of the animal (life size) exhibited in Melbourne. Photographic portrait at Batchelder's said to be "very like a whale." A lecture on whales, delivered by a Welchman, internal arrangement well described, and a general opinion entertained that Jonah had very commodious accommodation. GEOLOGICAL FACT. The crust of the earth is ascertained to have been formed gradually, and may be considered evidence of the crusty disposition of the original inhabitants. Crustaceous animals, or animals with legs (from the Latin Crus, a leg), must have abounded greatly, and their perished remains constitute the earth's crust. USEFUL INFORMATION. Working men in general are called "hands," which is found to be a handy expression. One class are called "legs " (obviously a legal term), and are much engaged in the construction of roads. Lawyers, professing to be perfectly distinct from these two, have assumed the designation of "limbs," and when a limb of the law has hooked a client, he (the client) is said to be "in limbo." CAUTION.-Avoid bathing in the Yarra, the bed is full of snags, and a damp bed is dangerous at all times. FAIR ADVICE.-Quarrel not with a cabman about the fare, you will be sure to fare worst in the argument, and be bound to admit at last that the charge is a fair one. HYGROMETER.-An apparatus for measuring moisture; it is usually made of pewter, and sometimes provided with a glass bottom. Law of Libel. A foul epithet is not necessarily libellous. But if a lady should call her physician "a duck of a medical man," it would be a libellous expression-not because "duck" is a fowl epithet, but on account of the inuendo that the medical man was a quack doctor. REMARKABLE EVENTS THIS MONTH. Arrival in Melbourne, from the English metropolis, of a number of re MEDICAL ADVICE. Dyspeptic people should pay great attention to the liver. Those who duced dustmen, who had left! their country under the impression that are called good livers have generally bad livers, and a bad liver results in there was a fine field open for their operations in Victoria. Signal dis- bad temper. Therefore a cross disposition is a sort of livery indicating comfiture at finding it the wrong time of year, and that no dust was to the disordered state of the owner's liver. Fat bacon is very prejudicial be seen in Melbourne, except the gold dust and sawdust in the shops. to the liver. This deserves to be known. Liver and bacon have been Meeting of gentlemen in the wine trade desirous of developing the in- for a long period most erroneously associated. dustrial resources of the colony, and promoting the manufacture of wine especially. Papers read on the culture of the gooseberry bush, and fifteen other varieties of vegetables required tor the production of champagne and sparkling hock of the choicest description. TENDER SUBJECT.-The only way to get meat tender is to hang it; a scrag of mutton is not fit to eat, unless you have it "scragged." ADVICE TO GARDENERS.-Set some young egg plants, not later than Considerable sympathy expressed, about this period, for the sad reverses in fortune sustained by the occupiers of crown lands. The Destitute Squatters' Relief Association for providing these persecuted men with suitable clothing, and wholesome nutriment, whenever they should stand in need of it, was projected this month. Subscribers of one guinea CRACK ADVICE.-Never crack nuts with your teeth, especially cocoa and upwards received twelve tickets for distribution, each ticket entitling nuts. A gingerbread nut can be easily broken with a shingle hammer, the party presenting it, to a mutton chop and three potatos, or two if you stand it upright on a china plate. tickets might be exchanged for a strong serviceable jumper. Hitherto TO MAKE DAMPER.-Take a slice of bread from a moist new loaf, and the society has been quite inoperative, owing to the crisis contemplated put it in a damp place till it becomes damper. in its formation not having arrived. Prospectus issued of a new Chinese daily journal, to be printed in nonpareil characters, on rice paper. Tea gardens established in the tea-tree scrub, but failed, like most other tea gardens, owing to the inferior quality of the tea. Discussion on the subject of national defences again revived, and the proposal to surround Melbourne with a brick wall and broken glass, was finally abandoned on account of the difficulty in obtaining old bottles. CURIOUS.-Well bred men sometimes lose their temper, well bred horses often do. The former, however, are not amenable to the law, but the latter have frequently been sent on the roads for a little display of temper. CASE OF REAL DISTRESS.-A visit from a county court bailiff. VERY NATURAL.-A man who gets his bread by printing, prefers to eat it with printed butter. Extreme cold in Melbourne at the early part of this month. A wedding cake in Purcell's window was completely frosted, the hands of Post Office clock were observed to be covered with chilblains, and a telegraphic communication from Queenscliffe announced a large iceberg outside the Heads. Hot soup distributed to the poor at a shilling a plateful, and a vast quantity of firewood in the Plenty ranges, placed by the government at the gratuitous disposal of any one who liked to fetch it. Important public meeting on law reform at a public-house within a short distance of the middle of the city, attended by some frightfully seedy individuals of a generally parched-up appearance, with their fingers wrapped in cotton wool in consequence of having so frequently burnt them. The first resolution was to the effect that any solicitor not finally settling within eight-and-forty hours any business entrusted to him should be fined in any amount, not exceeding one thousand pounds. A moderate man, who was for more gradual reform, suggested eight-and-forty weeks, instead of hours. A third party proposed the substitution of the word months or years, after the words eight-and-forty. He rather liked litigation; some excitement was necessary, brandy and water made him bilious, tossing for sovereigns was well for a change, but admitted of small variety, a violent assault with a stick was better than nothing, and very inexpensive. Something of the sort was positively needful, his whole soul must be kept in a state of psychological turmoil, or he could not exist. This gentleman was pronounced by the chairman to be "a solicitor in disguise," upon which the party referred to retired immediately to commence an action for the inuendo that he was a drunken attorney. The meeting then broke up, nothing more was done in the matter, and nobody paid for the beer. of the state of the weather. The archery meeting at Sandridge pier was also deferred, from some unexplained cause, and the magistrates decided that all persons who had paid for admission, were entitled to have their money back. A gentleman arrived this month from the Crimea. He had heard the guns at a distance, seen Marshal Pelissier, and had had a bullet pass over his left shoulder without hurting him in the least. He was an object of much curiosity. TO PREVENT HAIR FALLING OFF. Take a pound of common glue and dissolve it in a strong solution of gum Arabic, add two ounces of diamond cement and the white of two eggs. This preparation should be sufficiently boiled, and applied to the head while hot, rubbing it carefully into the roots with a nail brush. Everybody who has tried this method has been abundantly satisfied of its efficacy. ADVICE TO YOUNG BARRISTERS.-If you want to get the truth out of a witness you must pump him most assiduously. Truth is said to lie at the bottom of a well, and to arrive at it, the operation of pumping is perfectly legitimate. WHINING OBSERVATION.-When Shakspere remarked that "good wine needs no bush," he little understood to what extent champagne was indebted to the gooseberry bush. FISHY ADVICE.-Always give your undivided attention to the occuThe cricket match on Batman's Hill, between eleven one-eyed gentle-pation of the moment. If you are cooking a sole, let it be (pro. tem.) men and twenty-two wooden-legged amateurs, was postponed on account the sole object in life, |