man must leave father and mother and cleave to his wife;" that is, the dearest thing in nature is not comparable to the dearest thing of friendship:' and I think this is argument sufficient to prove friendship to be the greatest band in the world; add to this, that other friendships are part of this, they are marriages too; less indeed than the other, becausé they cannot, must not, be all that endearment which the other is; yet that, being the principal, is the measure of the rest, and are all to be honoured by like dignities, and measured by the same rules, and conducted by their portion of the same laws. But as friendships are marriages of the soul, and of fortunes, and interests, and counsels; so they are brotherhoods too; and I often think of the excellences of friendships in the words of David, who certainly was the best friend in the world; "Ecce quam bonum et quàm jucundum fratres habitare in unum:" "It is good and it is pleasant, that brethren should live like friends;" that is, they who are any ways relative, and who are any ways social and confederate, should also dwell in unity and loving society: for that is the meaning of the word brother in Scripture; "It was my brother Jonathan," said David; such brothers contracting such friendships are the beauties of society, and the pleasure of life, and the festivity of minds: and whatsoever can be spoken of love, which is God's eldest daughter, can be said of virtuous friendships; and though Carneades made an eloquent oration at Rome against justice, yet I never saw a panegyric of malice, or ever read that any man was witty against friendship. Indeed it is probable that some men, finding themselves, by the peculiarities of friendship, excluded from the participation of those beauties of society which enamel and adorn the wise and the virtuous, might suppose themselves to have reason to speak the evil words of envy and detraction; I wonder not: for all those unhappy souls which shall find heaven's gates shut against them, will think they have reason to murmur and blaspheme; the similitude is apt enough, for that is the region of friendship, and love is the light of that glorious country, but so bright that it needs no sun: here we have fine and bright rays of that celestial flame, and though to all mankind the light of it is in some measure to be extended,-like the treasures of light dwelling in the south, yet, a little, do illus trate and beautify the north-yet some live under the line and the beams of friendship in that position are imminent and perpendicular. I know but one thing more in which the communications of friendship can be restrained; and that is, in friends and enemies: "Amicus amici, amicus meus non est:" "My friend's friend is not always my friend;" nor his enemy mine; for if my friend quarrel with a third person with whom he hath had no friendships, upon the account of interest; if that third person be my friend, the nobleness of our friendships despises such a quarrel; and what may be reasonable in him, would be ignoble in me; sometimes it may be otherwise, and friends may marry one another's loves and hatreds, but it is by chance if it can be just; and therefore because it is not always right, it cannot be ever necessary. In all things else let friendships be as high and expressive till they become a union, or that friends, like the Molionidæ, be so the same that the flames of their dead bodies make but one pyramis; no charity can be reproved, and such friendships which are more than shadows, are nothing else but the rays of that glorious grace drawn into one centre, and made more active by the union; and the proper significations are well represented in the old hieroglyphic, by which the ancients depicted friendship; "In the beauties and strength of a young man, bare-headed, rudely clothed, to signify its activity, and lastingness, readiness of action, and aptnesses to do service: upon the fringes of his garment was written Mors et vita,' as signifying that in life and death the friendship was the same: on the forehead was written Summer and winter,' that is, prosperous and adverse accidents and states of life: the left arm and shoulder were bare and naked down to the heart, to which the finger pointed, and there was written Longè et propè:"" by all which we know that friendship does good far and near, in summer and winter, in life and death, and knows no difference of state or accident, but by the variety of her services: and therefore ask no more to what we can be obliged by friendship; for it is every thing that can be honest and prudent, useful and necessary. For this is all the allay of this universality, we may do any thing or suffer any thing that is wise or necessary, or greatly beneficial to my friend; and that in any thing, in which I am perfect master of my person and fortunes. But I would not in bravery visit my friend when he is sick of the plague, unless I can do him good equal at least to my danger; but I will procure him physicians and prayers, all the assistances that he can receive, and that he can desire, if they be in my power: and when he is dead, I will not run into his grave and be stifled with his earth; but I will mourn for him, and perform his will, and take care of his relatives, and do for him as if he were alive; and I think that is the meaning of that hard saying of a Greek poeta: *Ανθρωπο, ἀλλήλοισιν ἀπόπροθεν ὦμεν ἑταῖροι· Πλὴν τούτου, παντὸς χρήματός ἐστι κόρος. To me, though distant, let thy friendship fly; Of such immortal abstracted pure friendships indeed there is no great plenty, and to see brothers hate each other is not so rare as to see them love at this rate. The dead and the absent have but few friends, say the Spaniards; but they who are the same to their friend anópolev, when he is in another country, or in another world, these are they who are fit to preserve the sacred fire for eternal sacrifices, and to perpetuate the memory of those exemplar friendships of the best men, which have filled the world with history and wonder: for in no other sense but this can it be true that friendships are pure loves, regarding to do good more than to receive it. He that is a friend after death, hopes not for a recompense from his friend, and makes no bargain either for fame or love; but is rewarded with the conscience and satisfaction of doing bravely: but then this is demonstration that they choose friends best, who take persons so worthy that can and will do so. This is the profit and usefulness of friendship; and he that contracts such a noble union, must take care that his friend be such who can and will; but hopes that himself shall be first used, and put to act it. I will not have such a friendship that is good for nothing, but I hope that I shall be on the giving and assisting part: and yet if both the friends be so noble, and hope and strive to do the benefit, I cannot well say which ought to yield, and whether that a Gaisford, p. 244, friendship were braver that could be content to be unprosperous, so his friend might have the glory of assisting him ;— or that which desires to give assistances in the greatest measures of friendship: but he that chooses a worthy friend that himself in the days of sorrow and need might receive the advantage, hath no excuse, no pardon, unless himself be as certain to do assistances, when evil fortune shall require them:-the sum of this answer to this inquiry I give you in a pair of Greek verses. ἴσον θεῷ σὺ τοὺς φίλους τιμᾶν θέλει Ἐν τοῖς κακοῖς δὲ τοὺς φίλους εὐεργέτει· Friends are to friends as lesser gods, while they But when a dark cloud comes, grudge not to lend 3. The last inquiry is, how friendships are to be conducted; that is, what are the duties in presence and in absence; whether the friend may not desire to enjoy his friend as well as his friendship? The answer to which in a great measure depends upon what I have said already: and if friendship be a charity in society, and is not for contemplation and noise, but for material comforts and noble treatments and usages, this is no peradventure, but that if I buy land, I may eat the fruits, and if I take a house I may dwell in it; and if I love a worthy person, I may please myself in his society and in this there is no exception, unless the friendship be between persons of a different sex: for then not only the interest of their religion, and the care of their honour, but the worthiness of their friendship, require that their intercourse be prudent, and free from suspicion and reproach. And if a friend is obliged to bear a calamity, so he secure the honour of his friend; it will concern him to conduct his intercourse in the lines of a virtuous prudence, so that he shall rather lose much of his own comfort, than she any thing of her honour; and in this case the noises of people are so to be regarded, that next to innocence they are the principal. But when, by caution and prudence and severe conduct, a friend hath done all that he or she can to secure fame and honourable reports; after this, their noises are to be despised: they must not fright us from our friendships, nor from her fairest intercourses; I may lawfully pluck the clusters from my own vine, though he that walks by, calls me thief. But by 'the way, Madam, you may see how much I dif fer from the morosity of those cynics, who would not admit your sex into the communities of a noble friendship. I be lieve some wives have been the best friends in the world; and few stories can outdo the nobleness and piety of that lady, that sucked the poisonous, purulent matter from the wound of our brave prince in the Holy Land, when an as sassin had pierced him with a venomed arrow. And if it be told that women cannot retain counsel, and therefore can be no brave friends; I can best confute them by the story of Porcia, who, being fearful of the weakness of her sex, stabbed herself into the thigh to try how she could bear pain; and finding herself constant enough to that suf ferance, gently chid her Brutus for not daring to trust her, since now she perceived that no torment could wrest that secret from her, which she hoped might be intrusted to her. If there were not more things to be said for your satisfaction, I could have made it disputable whether have been more illustrious in their friendships, men or women? I cannot say that women are capable of all those excellences, by which men can oblige the world; and therefore a female friend in some case is not so good a counsellor as a wise man, and cannot so well défend my honour; nor dispose of reliefs and assistances, if she be under the power of another; but a woman can love as passionately, and converse as pleasantly; and retain a secret as faithfully, and be useful in her proper ministries; and she can die for her friend as well as the bravest Roman knight; and we find that some persons have engaged themselves as far as death upon a less interest than all this amounts to such were the Exaλpaio, as the Greeks call them; the Devoti' of a prince or general; the Assassins amongst the Saracens; the Soldurii amongst the old Gauls: they did as much as a friend could do. And if the greatest services of a friend can be paid for by any ignoble price, we cannot grudge to virtuous and brave women that they be partners in a noble friendship, since their conversation and returns can add so many moments to the felicity of our lives: and therefore though a knife cannot enter as får as a sword, yet a knife may be more useful to some purposes, |