ciety living together like brothers and sisters-Your banker here has just sent me word the tea Mr. H. wrote for is to be delivered into my hands-'tis all one into whose hands the treasure falls-we shall pay Brousse for it the day we get it-we join in our most friendly respects, and believe me, dear Foley, truly yours. LETTER XVI. Mr. Sterne to Mr. Foley, at Paris. LETTER XVII. Dear Foley, -THOUGH that's a mistake! I mean the date of the place, for I write at Mr. H-'s in the country, and have been there with my people all the week — "How does Tristram do?" you say in yours to him-'Faith, but so so-the worst of human maladies is povertythough that is a second lie-for poverty of spirit is worse than poverty of purse by ten thousand per cent.-I inclose you a remedy for the one, a draught of a hundred-and-thirty pounds, for which I insist upon a rescription by the very return or I will send you and all your commissaries to the d-1.-I do not hear they have tasted of one fleshy banquet all this Lent-you will make an excellent grillé. P-they can make nothing of him, but bouillon-I mean my other two friends no ill-so shall send them a reprieve, as they acted out of necessity-not choice. and all his household-say all that is kind for me to my other friends-you know how much, dear Foley, I am yours. I have not five louis to vapour with in this land of coxcombs-My wife's compliments. My dear Foley, THE post after I wrote last, I received yours with the inclosed draught upon the receiver, for which I return you all thanks—I have received this day likewise the box and tea all safe and sound-so we shall all of us be in our cups this Christmas, and drink without fear or stint.We begin to live extremely happy, and are all together every night-fiddling, laughing, and singing, and cracking jokes. You will scarce believe the news I tell you there are a company of Eng-My kind respects to baron d'Holbach, lish strollers arrived here, who are to act comedies all the Christmas, and are now busy in making dresses and preparing some of our best comedies-Your wonder will cease, when I inform you these strollers are your friends with the rest of our society, to whom I proposed this scheme soulagement-and I assure you we do well. The next week, with a grand orchestra, we play The Busy Body-and The Journey to London the week after; but I have some thoughts of adapting it to your situation and making it The Journey to Toulouse, which, with the change of half a dozen scenes, may be easily done.--Thus, my dear F. for want of something better we have recourse to ourselves, and strike out the best amusements we can from such materials. My kind love and friendship to all my true friends-My service to the rest. H's family have just left me, having been this last week with us-they will be with me all the holidays. In summer we shall visit them, and so balance hospitalities. Adieu, yours most truly. LETTER XVIII. Toulouse, April 18, 1763. Dear Foley, I THANK you for your punctuality in sending me the rescription, and for your box by the courier, which came safe by last post.-I was not surprised much with your account of lord ***** being obliged to give way—and for the rest, all follows in course.-I suppose you will endeavour to fish and catch something for yourself in these troubled waters-at least I wish you all a reasonable man can wish for himself which is wishing enough for you-all the rest is in the brain-Mr. Woodhouse (whom you know) is also here he is a most amiable worthy man, and I have the pleasure of having him much with me-in a short time he proceeds to Italy.-The first week in June, I decamp like a patriarch with my whole household, to pitch our tents for three months at the foot of the Pyrenean hills at Bagnieres, where I expect much health and much amusement from the concourse of adventurers from all corners of the earth--Mrs. M sets out, at the same time, for another part of the Pyrenean Hills, at Courtray-from whence to Italy-this is the general plan of operation here-except that I have some thoughts of spending the winter at Florence, and crossing over with my family to Leghorn by water-and in April of returning by way of Paris home-but this is a sketch only, for in all things I am governed by circumstances — -so that what is fit to be done on Monday, may be very unwise on Saturday-On all days of the week believe me yours, with unfeigned truth. P. S. All compliments to my Parisian friends. LETTER XIX. From the same to the same. Toulouse, May 21, 1763. I TOOK the liberty, three weeks ago, to desire you would be so kind as to send me fourscore pounds, having received a letter the same post from my agent, that he would order the money to be paid to your correspondent in London in a fortnight. It is some disappointment to me that you have taken no notice of my letter, especially as I told you we waited for the money before we set out for Bagnieres-and so little distrust had I that such a civility would be refused me, that we have actually had all our things packed up these eight days, in hourly expectation of receiving a letter-Perhaps my good friend has waited till he heard the money was paid in London—but you might have trusted to my honour-that all the cash in your iron box (and all the bankers in Europe put together) could not have tempted me to say the thing that is not. I hope before this you will have received an account of the money being paid in London.-But it would have been taken kindly, if you had wrote me word you would transmit me the money when you had received it, but no sooner; for Mr. R of Montpellier, though I know him not, yet knows enough of me to have given me credit for a fortnight for ten times the sum. I am, dear F-, your friend and hearty well-wisher. yes I saw the family of the Hterday, and asked them if you was in the land of the living. They said Yea-for they had just received a letter from you. After all, I heartily forgive you-for you have done me a signal service in mortifying me, and it is this, I am determined to grow rich upon it. Adieu, and God send you wealth and happiness- All compliments to-. Before April next I am obliged to revisit your metropolis in my way to England. I THIS moment received yours-consequently the moment I got it I sat down to answer it-So much for a logical inference. Now believe me I had never wrote you so testy a letter, had I not both loved and esteemed you-and it was merely in vindication of the rights of friendship that I wrote in a way as if I was hurtfor neglect me in your heart, I knew you could not, without cause; which my heart told me I never had-or will ever give you :-I was the best friends with you that ever I was in my life, before my letter had got a league, and pleaded the true excuse for my friend, "That he was oppressed with a multitude of business." Go on, my dear F., and have but that excuse (so much do I regard your interest), that I would be content to suffer a real evil without future murmuring-but in truth, my disappointment was partly chimerical at the bottom, having a letter of credit for two hundred pounds from a person I never saw, by me-but which, out of nicety of temper, I would not make any use of— I set out in two days for Bagnieres, but direct to me to Brousse, who will forward all my letters.-Dear F, adieu.-Believe me yours affectionately. LETTER XXI. My dear friend, You see I cannot pass over the fifth of the month without thinking of you and writing to you-The last is a periodical habit-The first is from my heart, and I do it oftener than I remember-however, from both motives together I maintain I have a right to the pleasure of a single line-be it only to tell me how your watch goes-You know how much happier it would make me to know that all things belonging to you went on well. -You are going to have them all to yourself (I hear), and that Mr. S is true to his first intention of leaving business-I hope this will enable you to accomplish yours in a shorter time, that you may get to your long-wished-for retreat of tranquillity and silence-When you have got to your fire-side, and into your arm-chair (and, by the bye, have another to spare for a friend), and are so much a sovereign as to sit in your furred cap, if you like it, though I should not (for a man's ideas are at least the cleaner for being dressed decently,) why then it will be a miracle if I do not glide in like a ghost upon you-and in a very unghostlike fashion help you off with a bottle of your best wine. Jan. 15.-It does not happen every day that a letter begun in the most perfect health, should be concluded in the greatest weakness-I wish the vulgar high and low do not say it was a judgment upon me, for taking all this liberty with ghosts-Be it as it may-I took a ride, when the first part of this was wrote, towards Perenas-and returned home in a shivering fit, though I ought to have been in a fever, for I had tired my beast; and he was as unmovable as Don Quixote's wooden horse, and my arm was half dislocated in whipping himThis, quoth I, is inhuman-No, says a peasant on foot behind me, I'll drive him home-so he laid on his posteriors, but 'twas needless-as his face was turned towards Montpellier, he began to trot.— But to return: this fever has confined me ten days in my bed-I have suffered in this scuffle with death terribly-but unless the spirit of prophecy deceive me― LETTER XXII. Mr. Sterne to Mrs. F. Montpellier, Feb. 1, 1764. I AM preparing, my dear Mrs. F., to leave France, for I am heartily tired of itThat insipidity there is in French characters has disgusted your friend Yorick. -I have been dangerously ill, and cannot think that the sharp air of Montpellier has been of service to me-and so my physicians told me when they had me under their hands for above a month If you stay any longer here, sir, it will be fatal to you-And why, good people, were you not kind enough to tell me this sooner?-After having discharged them, I told Mrs. Sterne that I should set out for England very soon; but as she chooses to remain in France for two or three years, I have no objection, except that I wish my girl in England.The states of Languedoc are met-'tis a fine raree-show, with the usual accompaniments of fiddles, bears, and puppetshows. I believe I shall step into my post-chaise with more alacrity to fly from these sights, than a Frenchman would fly to them-and except a tear at parting with my little slut, I shall be in high spirits; and every step I take that brings me nearer England, will, I think, help to set this poor frame to rights. Now pray write to me, directed to Mr. F. at Paris, and tell me what I am to bring you over-How do I long to greet all my friends! few do I value more than yourself. My wife chooses to go to Montauban, rather than stay here, in which I am truly passive-If this should not find you at Bath, I hope it will be forwarded to you, as I wish to fulfill your commissions and so adieu- Accept every warm wish for your health, and believe me ever yours. P. S. My physicians have almost poi soned me with what they call bouillons rafraichissants-'tis a cock flayed alive and boiled with poppy seeds, then pounded in a mortar, afterwards passed through a sieve-There is to be one crawfish in it, and I was gravely told it must be a male one-a female would do me more hurt than good. LETTER XXIII. Mr. Sterne to Miss Sterne. Paris, May 15, 1764. My dear Lydia, By this time I suppose your mother and self are fixed at Montauban, and I there fore direct to your banker, to be delivered to you—I acquiesced in your staying in France-likewise it was your mother's wish—but I must tell you both (that unless your health had not been a plea made use of) I should have wished you both to return with me.-I have sent you the Spectators, and other books, particularly Metastasio; but I beg my girl to read the former, and only make the latter her amusement.-I hope you have not forgot my last request, to make no friendships with the French womennot that I think ill of them all, but sometimes women of the best principles are the most insinuating-nay I am so jealous of you, that I should be miserable were I to see you had the least grain of coquetry in your composition.—You have enough to do-for I have also sent you a guitar -and as you have no genius for drawing (though you never could be made to believe it), pray waste not your time about it-Remember to write to me as to a friend-in short, whatever comes into your little head, and then it will be natural.—If your mother's rheumatism continues, and she chooses to go to Bagnieres ―tell her not to be stopped for want of money, for my purse shall be as open as my heart. I have preached at the Ambassador's chapel-Hezekiah-(an odd subject your mother will say). There was a concourse of all nations, and religions too. I shall leave Paris in a few days.—I am lodged in the same hotel with Mr. T--they are good and generous souls-tell your mother that I hope she will write to me, and that when she does so, I may also receive a letter from my Lydia. Kiss your mother from me, and believe me your affectionate, &c. LETTER XXIV. Mr. Sterne to J-H-S-, Esq. Now, my dear dear Anthony--I do not therefore, as a man may do worse things, the English of all which is this, that I am going to leave a few poor sheep here in the wilderness for fourteen days and from pride and naughtiness of heart to see what is doing at Scarborough-steadfastly meaning afterwards to lead a new life, and strengthen my faith-Now some folk say there is much company there--and some say not-and I believe there is neither the one nor the other-but will be both, if the world will have but a month's patience or so. No, my dear H—, I did not delay sending your letter directly to the postAs there are critical times, or rather turns and revolutions in *** humours, I knew not what the delay of an hour might hazard—I will answer for him, he has seventy times seven forgiven you— and as often wished you at the d-l. — After many oscillations the pendulum will rest firm as ever. I send all kind compliments to sir C. D and G——s. I love them from my soul.-If G-t is with you, him also.-I go on, not rapidly, but well enough, with my uncle Toby's amours -There is no sitting, and cudgelling one's brains whilst the sun shines bright 'twill be all over in six or seven weeks, and there are dismal months enow after to endure suffocation by a brimstone fire-side,-If you can get to Scarborough, do.-A man who makes six tons of alum a week, may do any thing-Lord Granby is to be there what a temptation! Yours affectionately, &c. LETTER XXV. Mr. Sterne to Mr. Foley, at Paris. York, Sept. 29, 1754. My dear friend, I HAVING just had the honour of a letter from Miss Tuting, full of the acknowledgments of your attention and kind services to her; I will not believe these arose from the D. of A's letters nor mine. Surely she needed no recommendation-the truest and most honest compliment I can pay you, is to say they came from your own good heart, only you was introduced to the objectfor the rest followed in course-However, let me cast in my mite of thanks to the treasury which belongs to good natured actions. I have been with lord Gy these three weeks at Scarborough-the pleasures of which I found somewhat more exalted than those of Bagnieres last year. I am now returned to my philosophical hut to finish Tristram, which I calculate will be ready for the world about Christmas, at which time I decamp from hence, and fix my head-quarters at London for the winter-unless my cough pushes me forwards to your metropolisor that I can persuade some gros my lord to take a trip to you-I'll try if I can make him relish the joys of the Tuilleries, Opera Comique, &c. I had this week a letter from Mrs. Sterne from Montauban, in which she tells me she has occasion for fifty pounds immediately-will you send an order to your correspondent at Montauban to pay her so much cash?-and I will in three weeks send as much to Becket-But as her purse is low, for God's sake write directly. Now you must do something equally essential-to rectify a mistake in the mind of your correspondent there, who it seems gave her a hint not long ago, "that she was separated from me for life."-Now as this is not true in the first place, and may give a disadvantagcous impression of her to those she lives amongst 'twould be unmerciful to let her, or my daughter, suffer by it; so do be so good as to undeceive himfor in a year or two she proposes (and indeed I expect it with impatience from her) to rejoin me—and tell them I have all the confidence in the world she will not spend more than I can afford, and I only mentioned two hundred guineas a year-because 'twas right to name some certain sum, for which I begged you to give her credit.-I write to you all of my most intimate concerns, as to a brother; so excuse me, dear Foley. God bless you.-Believe me, yours affectionately. Compliments to M. Panchaud, d'Holbach, &c. LETTER XXVI. Mr. Sterne to David Garrick, Esq. Bath, April 6, 1765. I SCALP you!-my dear Garrick! my dear friend!-foul befal the man who hurts a hair of your head!--and so full was I of that very sentiment, that my letter had not been put into the postst-office ten minutes, before my heart smote me; and I sent to recall it--but failedYou are sadly to blame, Shandy! for this, quoth I, leaning with my head on my hand, as I recriminated upon my false delicacy in the affair-Garrick's nerves (if he has any left) are as fine and delicately spun as thy own-his sentiments as honest and friendly-thou knowest, Shandy, that he loves thecwhy wilt thou hazard him a moment's pain? Puppy! fool, coxcomb, jack-ass, &c. &c.-and so I balanced the account to your favour, before I received it drawn up in your way-I say your wayfor it is not stated so much to your honour and credit, as I had passed the account before-for it was a most lamented truth, that I never received one of the letters your friendship meant me, except whilst in Paris.-O! how I congratulate you for the anxiety the world has, and continues to be under, for your return.—Return, return to the few who love you, and the thousands who admire you.The moment you set your foot upon your stage-mark! I tell it you-by some magic, irresisted power, every fibre about your heart will vibrate afresh, and as strong and feelingly as ever.-Nature, with glory at her back, will light up the torch within you--and there is enough of it left, to heat and enlighten the world these many, many, many years. Heaven be praised! (I utter it from my soul) that your lady, and my Minerva, is in a condition to walk to Windsor |