ually get to regard the place as a second and more comfortable home, where a man might read his Quarterly in peace and have no bother about household arrangements. It was all the fault of those five women. On each succeeding billiard night they dined by themselves, and we, whether around the Major's table or up in the billiard-room, knew that these mistaken creatures were profoundly miserable. The little devices they used afterward to persuade us that they had enjoyed themselves were wretched failures. They took to composing elaborate little menus, and of course, by mere accident-one of these was sure to fall in our way. But didn't we know very well that women don't care for fine cookery except to surprise each other or gratify their guests? Of what use was it to invent names (always in ill-spelled French) for dishes which were as Dead-Sea apples to them? They even went the length of putting down with each course its appropriate wine! Why, we knew that not one of the lot of them could tell the difference between chablis and sauterne, and that their opinions on the subject of champagne were simply chaos so soon as they wandered away from the safe and sweet anchorage of a Roederer label. But the worst was to come. One Sunday morning a few of us met together on coming out of church and were shaking hands and talking in a promiscuous heap. Suddenly the person whom we may call Queen Tita said to the youngest of all the wives, “Oh, B—————, do you know that Christmas this year falls on a Thursday?" Now, the little woman, though she was laughing, meant no harm. Of course none of us intended to spend Christmas evening, Thursday or no Thursday, in playing billiards. But this same B, being a young and gentle thing, was a little frightened, and looked in an anxious manner to her husband. He, in his turn, not caring to speak for all the husbands (he is a Prussian and nervous about his English), looked in rather an appealing fashion to the Squire. The Squire, being a little flustered by the announcement, instinctively turned to his wife. Now, the Squire's wife is a most deplorable woman. "Oh, Thursday, is it?" she said, suddenly firing up. "And I suppose they mean to play billiards? Well, let them! They have forsaken their homes and families long enough: we have got accustomed to it. Let them play billiards, by all means.' I don't know what an obus is; but if it is any thing worse than a bombshell, it was an obus that this unhappy woman exploded in our midst on that morning. our midst on that morning. For she forthwith appealed to her fellow-conspirators, and they, challenged in public, could not well turn traitor. They said in a cold and polite manner that they would not seek to limit our pleasures. They could manage very well by themselves. Christmas night was chiefly devoted to children, and children were doubtless tiresome and uninteresting to gentlemen who preferred bachelor dinners and billiards. Thus, you see, we were thrown into opposition whether we liked it or no. They simply occupied the treasury bench and left us to choose whether we should sit down opposite them or walk out. In the end this conduct seemed to us so monstrous, outrageous and unreasonable that we resolved to take them at their word and let them have it their own way. We should on Christmas night dine at the Major's as usual. Whether we played billiards or not was none of their business. IV NOUS SOMMES TRAHIS.' AND so it has come about that on this Christmas eve I find myself amidst a heap of preparations for a banquet at which these miserable women and all their children are. to be present. No wonder there should be some bustle about getting ready our modest rooms to entertain such a multitude, but under that Tower of Babel there lies a brain ready to cope with any difficulties. The talk of the neighborhood is that if the owner of it had been by the side of Marshal Bazaine in Metz she would have got the French through the German lines in a twinkling, but this opinion is stoutly combated by a friend of hers, who married a Prussian officer, and who fancies you are not fit to argue with a door-post if you believe for a moment that the French could have got through by any means whatsoever. This young lady is at present helping forward all these preparations, although she is sadly hampered by the children, especially when there is a bit of mistletoe about. There is one boy of ten who swears that he means to challenge that Prussian, and kill him and marry his widow. The widow of the future pays little heed, but continues polishing up the American apples, and sometimes hums to herself, "Mädele, ruck, ruck, ruck." And, indeed, there is something so gentle and confiding about this young person's look -I repeat that she has only been married about eighteen months-that as she comes into the room I venture to inform her that I cannot understand what mystery is on foot. Why should she, too, smile in a covert manner when there is any talk about our guests of the following evening? BB stops and looks timid for a moment, and then her eyes, that are as blue as the heart of a bell-flower, suddenly grow very friendly. Can I keep a secret? I answer that, although no woman, I can try. "Then," she says, "you must know that something very wonderful is to occur to-morrow night, and, although you were to be the last to be told, I may as well tell you now. For first of all Tita went to the Major the other day and had a little quiet talk with him. She said he had done us poor women a great deal of mischief, but there was one way he might atone for everything. We should have no one to carve for us on Christmas evening: would he come and do that, so that we might have one gentleman among us to do the heavy work and keep order among the young people? And this was only to be done if he kept the matter a profound secret from all you gentlemen and made some excuse to you for his absence. Of course the Major was very much shocked. He represented that he was your host. But, then, you know, My Lady has a very persuasive way with her, and she said that when once you were all assembled he might send you a note saying he could not come, and that you would not mind his being away if the dinner was a good one. So at last the Major consented." "The traitor! But there are some women, B, who have no regard for a man's honor." My charming young friend, however, lets out by degrees that the Major's defection was only the beginning. It was like the letting in of waters. The goodly company of the Round Table-perhaps the Oblong Table would more accurately describe our club—was to be torn asunder by this wo man's arts. seek to revenge yourselves on them by amusing yourselves in a disgraceful manner, then let me say that there is not a loyal member among you. Every one except yourself has pledged himself to be of our party to-morrow evening, and each one thinks he is the only gentleman 's only gentleman who is to be present." The next victim, as I learn, was B's own husband. Tita went to the young man and in a very pathetic manner pointed out to him that she had done him good service at one time-in point of fact, when he was courting; and any services done at that time young men don't easily forget. He admitted that, and looked silly and submissive at once. Might she, then, reckon on him to leave aside that bachelor dinner on Christmas night and come and help to enliven the party of young people who had only women to amuse them? He was rather staggered at first, I hear. But then Tita can put a wonderful amount of entreaty into her eyes, and at length he too resolved to desert us, and agreed to keep his intention of doing so a profound secret. "The perfidious renegade !" I cannot help exclaiming; but at this point B- - suddenly bridles up, and stares and looks as if she would like to have it out with any folks that spoke ill of her husband-one down, the other come on. Clearly, the little business of the billiard-table has not affected her allegiance to that very coolmannered young Prussian. But he never was much good at billiards; he will be of more use lighting up Christmas trees and kissing schoolgirls under the mistletoe. "Wait a bit," says B, with a lofty air. "You call these two 'traitors'? If to be loyal means that you must stay away from your own families on Christmas night and "And how did she win over the Squire ?" I presumed to ask, somewhat humbled by this revelation of weakness. Flattery," says B, contemptuously. "The easiest thing in the world. She went and told him that we could not do without him. She said she was sure he did not care for billiards, and that the others, not he, were only moved by spite. She asked him if he would bring down the two tumblers and do that shilling trick which nobody can discover. Oh, I can assure you he was the easiest to manage of the lot! And so, now that they are all coming to-morrow evening, each thinking he is going to cheat all the others--just like the king of Navarre and his courtiers, you know-what do you mean to do? You won't desert us? Tita has had all the honor and glory of persuading those other five: won't you give me the triumph of persuading you?" That is a pretty question to be asked on this gloomy Christmas eve. I answer her in this wise: "For now the Oblong Table is dissolved; "You won't do that," says B, plaintively. ively. "If you go up to London and dine at your club, the waiters will think you are mad. But, on the other hand, if you dine with us, you will be at the head of the table when each of those gentlemen comes in to stare at the others. Oh what fun there will be when the Squire finds the Major in before him, or the Major stumbles against Dr. Burke in the hall!" "Go away," I say to her. subject for idle levity: 444 The sequel of to-day unsolders all of tacks, and a clinking of silver, and the rustling of long strings of ivy-leaves that the children are handing up to be nailed along the walls. The imaginative mind may perceive in these decorations some re"This is no semblance to the rosettes of ribbon that are stuck on pigs and other animals slaughtered for Christmas festivities. To-morrow evening the victims will walk in-one by one, doubtless in solemn silence. They will know that they have been betrayed into the loss of their liberty, and that all protest is useless. The goodliest fellowship of famous knights And why? Because they have been trapped, "Meaning me," says a third voice, in a mocking way. These women are devoid of And who is to act as chief priest in these cruel rites? At this moment, if you look through the chink of a particular door, you will catch a glimpse of a young woman who is standing on a table and reaching up to the topmost twig of a fir tree something taller than herself. She is attended by but one small boy of ten; the other children are not allowed to enter this secret chamber. On the table at her feet is a wild and confused mass of strange and highly-colored objectswax candles of red and green, bonbons resplendent in gelatine and gold, sealskin purses and cigar-cases, penknives, books, toys, everything the mind of man, in all its stages, can desire. From time to time she fixes on another candle or hangs another swinging prize on the tree, and as she does so she is humming to herself, "Mädele, ruck, ruck, ruck," with great contentment, just as if she had had nothing to do with the conspiracy which has tricked and discomfited six honest British householders. V. THE LAST. THERE are evenings, it has been hinted in these pages, when we who live on the silent banks of the Mole become a little tired of the pastoral seclusion of Surrey. A way of getting us out of our coma has, however, been in use for a long time back, and never fails. It is to recall the scene that occurred on a certain Christmas evening, and that marked the collapse and disappearance of our billiard club. The very children-chits of things who ought to be in bed-have been taught to scream with laughter when that wretched old story is repeated, just as if there was no such thing as parental authority in existence. in plenty of time. Then the five wives got seated too, all looking as proud as if they had just won the battle of Waterloo or shaken hands with a bishop. The present writer, by universal consent, was graciously permitted to take the head of his own table, and then we awaited with calm complacency the arrival of the five gentlemen-each of them a villain and a traitor to a noble cause whose seats were vacant. Now, the first to arrive was the Major himself, who ought to have been receiving his guests in his own house, and a more des never entered a room. For a minute or so he fancied there were only the women and children there whom he had expected to find assembled. "Oh, Aunty Bell," the brats cry, "tell us picable, nervous, confused and wretched man about the Major and his merry men." That is what we have come to. We are We are only merry men in the eyes of our own offspring. And no sooner has the topic been started than every one must contribute his quota of shameful and outrageous exaggeration, while a lady-height, five feet three, eyes dark and apparently innocent, back hair enormous, temper impossible to describesits very demure and silent, without the least trace of a smile on her face. Indeed, it was a humiliating evening, and yet there was an odd sort of satisfaction underlying our ignoble surrender, borrowed, perhaps, from the hope of better things to come. First of all there was the mustering of the women and children; and such a party had never been seen in the house before, for here were nearly half a dozen families congregated together to eat their Christmas dinner. Queen Tita went flying up and down, here and there, this way and that, like a flash of lightning with a white rose on its forehead if the simile is permissible—while our gentle B was the overseer of the young folks, who had all to be put in their places "My dear madam," said he to Queen Tita, "this is really a most dreadful thing you have asked me to do. My friends will never forgive me. Dear me, dear me! What a party of young folks we have! Well, to tell you the truth, the pleasure of carving for a number of young people It was too much for me- I hope your husbandsEh? What! Good gracious me! Is it possible?" He was staring at the head of the table. "Oh, Major," said Tita, with a great sweetness, "you see my husband has given up your bachelor dinner just to keep you company, you know. Really, it is most kind of you to have taken pity on us. What should we have done without you?" "Bless me! Indeed- Really- Bless me!" said the Major, stumbling into the nearest chair and doubtless wishing that all the women and children would not stare at him so, They, to be sure, were most grave |