Further Remarks taken from Lord Chesterfield's Letters to his Son.

34. HAVING now given you full and sufficient instructions for making you well received in the best of companies; nothing remains but that I lay before you some few rules for your conduct in such company. Many things on this subject I have mentioned before; but some few matters remain to be mentioned now.

Talk, then, frequently, but not long together, lest you tire the persons you are speaking to; for few persons talk so well upon a subject, as to keep up the attention of their hearers for any length of time.

35. Avoid telling stories in company, unless they are very short indeed, and very applicable to the subject you are upon; in this case relate them in as few words as possible, without the least digression, and with some apology; as, that you hate the telling of stories, but the shortness of it induced you. And if your story has any wit in it, be particularly careful not to laugh at it yourself. Nothing is more tiresome and disagreeable than a long tedious narrative; it betrays a gossiping disposition, and great want of imagination; and nothing is more ridiculous than to express an approbation of your own story by a laugh.

36. In relating any thing, keep clear of repetitions, or very hackneyed expressions, such as, says he, or says she. Some people will use these so often, as to take off the hearers' attention from the story; as in an organ out of tune, one pipe shall perhaps sound the whole time we are playing, and confuse the piece so as not to be understood. 37. Digressions, likewise, should be guarded against. A story is always more agreeable without them. Of this kind are, "the gentleman I am telling you of, is the son of "Sir Thomas who lives in Harley-street-you must "know him his brother had a horse that won the sweep"stakes at the last Newmarket meeting.-Zounds! if you "don't know him, you know nothing." Or, "He was an “upright, tall old gentleman, who wore his own long hair, "don't you recollect him ?"-All this is unnecessary, very tiresome and provoking, and would be an excuse for a man's behaviour, if he was to leave us in the midst of our narrative.

;

is

38. Some people have a trick of holding the persons they are speaking to by the button, or the hand, in order to be heard out; conscious, I suppose, that their tale is tiresome. Pray, never do this; if the person you speak to is not as willing to hear your story, as you are to tell it, you had much better break off in the middle; for if you tire them once, they will be afraid to listen to you a second time.

39. Others have a way of punching the person they are talking to in the side, and at the end of every sentence, asking him some questions as the following...." Wasn't I " right in that ?"...." You know I told you so...." What's CC your opinion?" and the like; or, perhaps they will be thrusting him, or jogging him with their elbow. For mercy's sake, never give way to this: it will make your company dreaded.

40. Long talkers are frequently apt to single out some unfortunate man present; generally the most silent one of the company, or probably him who sits next them. To this man, in a kind of half whisper, they will run on for half an hour together. Nothing can be more ill-bred. But, if one of those unmerciful talkers should attack you, if you wish to oblige him, I would recommend the hearing with patience seem to do so at least, for you could not hurt him more than to leave him in the middle of his story, or discover any impatience in the course of it.

41. Incessant talkers are very disagreeable companions. Nothing can be more rude than to engross the conversation to yourself, or to take the words, as it were, out of another man's mouth. Every man in company has an equal claim to bear his part in the conversation, and to deprive him of it, is not only unjust, but a tacit declaration that he cannot speak so well upon the subject as yourself: you will therefore take it up. And, what can be more rude? I would as soon forgive a man that should stop my mouth when I was gaping, as take my words from me while I was speaking them. Now, if this be unpardonable,

42. It cannot be less so to help out or forestall the slow speaker, as if you alone were rich in expressions, and he were poor. You may take it for granted every one is vain enough to think he can talk well, though he may modestly deny it; helping a person out, therefore, in his ex

pressions, is a correction that will stamp the corrector with impudence and ill-manners.

43. Those who contradict others upon all occasions, and make every assertion a matter of dispute, betray by this behaviour an unacquaintance with good-breeding. He, therefore, who wishes to appear amiable, with those he converses with, will be cautious of such expressions as these, "That can't be true, sir." "The affair is as I say. "That must be false, sir." "If what you say is true,&c." You may as well tell a man he lies at once, as thus indirectly impeach his veracity. It is equally as rude to be proving every trifling assertion with a bet or a wager...... "I'll bet you fifty of it," and so on. Make it then a con stant rule, in matters of no great importance, complaisants ly to submit your opinion to that of others; for a victory of this kind often costs a man the loss of a friend.

44. Giving advice unasked, is another piece of rudeness: it is, in effect, declaring ourselves wiser than those to whom we give it reproaching them with ignorance and inexperience. It is a freedom that ought not to be taken with any common acquaintance, and yet there are those who will be offended, if their advice is not taken. "Such"a-one," say they, "is above being advised. He scorns ❝to listen to my advice;" as if it were not a mark of great er arrogance to expect every one to submit to their opin ion than for a man sometimes to follow his own.

45. There is nothing so unpardonably rude, as a seeming inattention to the person who is speaking to you; tho you may meet with it in others, by all means avoid it yourself. Some ill-bred people, while others are speaking to them, will, instead of looking at, or attending to them, per haps fix their eyes on the ceiling, or some picture in the room, look out of the window, play with a dog, their watch-chain, or their cane, or probably pick their nails or their noses. Nothing betrays a more trifling mind than this; nor can any thing be a greater affront to the person speaking; it being a tacit declaration, that what he is saying is not worth your attention. Consider with yourself how you would like such treatment, and, I am persuaded you will never shew it to others.

46. Surliness or moroseness is incompatible also with politeness. Such as, should any one say," he was desired

"to present Mr. such-a-one's respects to you," to reply, "What the devil have I to do with his respects ?”—“ My "Lord enquired after you lately, and asked how you did,” to answer, "if he wishes to know, let him come and feel my pulse," and the like. A good deal of this often is affected; but whether affected or natural, it is always offensive. A man of this stamp will occasionally be laughed at as an oddity; but in the end will be despised.

47. I should suppose it unnecessary to advise you to adapt your conversation to the company you are in. You would not surely start the same subject, and discourse of it in the same manner, with the old and with the young, with an officer, a clergyman, a philosopher, and a woman? no; your good sense will undoubtedly teach you to be serious with the serious, gay with the gay, and to trifle with the triflers.

48. There are certain expressions which are exceedingly rade, and yet there are people of liberal education that sometimes use them ; as, " You don't understand me, sir.” "Is it not so?" "You mistake." "You know nothing of "the matter," &c. Is it not better to say, "I believe I "do not express myself so as to be understood." "Let us "consider it again, whether we take it right or not." It is much more polite and amiable to make some excuse for another, even in cases where he might justly be blamed, and to represent the mistake as common to both, rather than charge him with insensibility or incomprehension.

49. If any one should have promised you any thing, and not have fulfilled that promise, it would be very unpolite to tell him he has forfeited his word; or if the same person. should have disappointed you, upon any occasion, would it not be better to say, "You were probably so much en"gaged, that you forgot my affair:" or, " perhaps it slipped. your memory ;" rather than, you thought no more "about it :" or, " you pay very little regard to your word." For expressions of this kind leave a sting behind themThey are a kind of provocation and affront, and very often bring on lasting quarrels.

50. Be careful not to appear dark and mysterious, lest you should be thought suspicious; than which, there cannot be a more unamiable character. If you appear mysterious and reserved, others will be truly so with you and

in this case, there is an end to improvement, for you will gather no information. Be reserved, but never seem

SO.

51. There is a fault extremely common with some people, which I would have you avoid. When their opinion is asked upon any subject, they will give it with so apparent a diffidence and timidity, that one cannot, without the utmost pain, listen to them; especially if they are known to be men of universal knowledge. "Your Lordship will pardon me," says one of this stamp, "if I should not "be able to speak to the case in hand, so well as it might "be wished.""I'll venture to speak of this matter to "the best of my poor abilities and dullness of apprehen"sion.”—“I fear I shall expose myself, but in obedience to your Lordship's commands," and while they are making these apologies, they interrupt the business and tire the company.

52. Always look people in the face when you speak to them, otherwise you will be thought conscious of some guilt; besides, you lose the opportunity of reading their countenances; from which you will much better learn the impression your discourse makes upon them, than you can possibly do from their words; for words are at the will of every one, but the countenance is frequently involuntary.

53. If, in speaking to a person, you are not heard, and should be desired to repeat what you said, do not raise your voice in the repetition, lest you should be thought angry, on being obliged to repeat what you had said before; it was probably owing to the hearer's inattention.

54. One word only, as to swearing. Those who addict themselves to it, and interlard their discourse with oaths, can never be considered as gentlemen; they are generally people of low education, and are unwelcome in what is called good company. It is a vice that has no temptation to plead, but is in every respect, as vulgar as it is wicked. 55. Never accustom yourself to scandal, nor listen to it; for though it may gratify the malevolence of some people, nine times out of ten it is attended with great disadvan tages. The very person you tell it to, will, on reflection, entertain a mean opinion of you, and it will often bring you into a very disagreeable situation. And as there