my room, which I thought disrespectful, so that I was obliged to go up into another. When I knocked at the door, my dear Elizabeth ran out to meet me; but even her affectionate kindness was displeasing, because I felt uncomfortable. In the parlour I found dear good old Mrs. Hazard and Mrs. G -. Both received me most kindly. I can hardly describe the benignity of Mrs. G -'s countenance, or the goodness of Mrs. Hazard's.

"Elizabeth came in before I was up, and rejoiced to see me with a truth of affection that gave me a severer reproof than anything else could have done, and almost melted me to tears. Yet, though I felt myself wrong, I was but half come round; and, though I tried to be civil, I felt so painfully how C-- would feel some things, that, though Mrs. G― and Elizabeth tried in every way to please me, I was so absent and out of tune that I hardly returned any answer. Yet still these good Moravians redoubled their endeavours to please me, and, with the greatest good humour and kindness, said they did not wonder I felt uncomfortable, as all must be so different from what I was used to. After breakfast, my dear little Elizabeth came to me, and apologised for having given my room to Mrs.

G

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I felt truly ashamed of having been ashamed of such good and kind people, yet I still felt hurt about C. I love her so much, and am so obliged to her, that I found it a great trial to place her where I feared she would not be comfortable. I walked out, and tried to divert my mind; as I undressed, I determined to lay open my mind to our Saviour. I felt that, much as I ought to love C

yet that love ought not to make me unjust to others, especially such kind friends. I felt that, so far as I could, I ought to make all comfortable to her; and beyond this, I ought to be resigned as to what was meant for me to bear. I determined then to speak to Elizabeth, and to try to remedy all, and I prayed for assistance to bear patiently, and make the best of what I could not help, as the will of our Lord. Immediately I felt more peace of mind. Next day, on inquiry, I found that these excellent people had already ordered to be got more even than I wanted; and about the table, &c., I found them more ready to oblige me than I had been to ask. I cannot describe their goodness and kindness.

"I was busied most agreeably in getting my dearest C's room ready; and though it tired me in body, it was delightful to me."

CHAP. IV.

1805.

"The first creation of God in the works of the days was the light of the sense, the last was the light of reason, and His Sabbath work ever since is the illumination of the Spirit."-BACON.

"My endeavours

Have ever come too short of my desires."

SHAKESPEARE.

AMONGST Mary Anne's papers, I find the following fragment, dated December 9th, 1805.

"Thou, O Lord! hast condescended to declare, that Thou hast bought me with a price more precious than rubies, even with Thine own blood, How this may be, I know not; how it may be applied to my heart, I know not; but I long to know, and I long to feel. I now believe because of Thy word. I long to believe, because I experience the truth and the power of it. I wait to see Thy salvation, O Lord; whatever this may mean, I take Thy word, I throw myself upon it, with entire recumbency of soul, with a full persuasion that Thou wilt not let me perish. I feel that my salvation must be all of free grace, and of pure mercy from beginning to end. I cannot extirpate one sin. Thy Redeemer can alone do the first, Thy Spirit, the last."

I have placed these striking and touching words at the beginning of this chapter, because I think they contain a key to much which both preceded and followed in the experience of the writer. The journals for months before and after the above date bear evidence of diligent labour and conscientious observation of herself, as well as of the most earnest desire for spiritual progress, but they do not equally evince that full peace and assurance in the knowledge of the love of God in Christ, which in later years became so marked a feature of her inward life. The journals for the year 1805, written at Barr, afford the only information I possess of the state of her mind, and of her home interests and pursuits, till the time of her marriage. The dates in these early journals are very imperfect. There are but few which contain mention of anything beyond the year and day of the week.

"Tuesday.—Taking Hervey's Theron and Aspasio, I walked out to read. I put up many fervent prayers to God, that He would be pleased to bring these truths more feelingly home to my heart.

"I am convinced in my understanding of the truths of Divine Revelation, but my heart is cold and dead, and the most important truths seem to me as airy shadows, instead of a substantial reality. My heart seems alienated from God, and yet, though I see and feel this, such is my state of indifference that I comparatively care but little about it. I have a sort of strange repugnance and backwardness to come just as I am to the Throne of Grace, to own my nothingness, and utter inability to do anything that is

good. I feel unwilling to be clothed in the righteousness of Christ only, and to give up all my own pretensions; and I feel even unwilling to go to the Throne of Grace for a renewed heart and a different spirit. This convinces me more and more of the total alienation of my heart from God; for how seldom have I in earnest prayed, and yet in how extraordinary a manner have some of my prayers been answered! How I think I may say, I have never been sent away empty-handed, and in how many instances has a remarkable tissue of circumstances brought about the very thing I cannot say that I prayed-but that I half prayed for, almost doubting at the time if there were a God, or not, to hear me ! I thought much of

this, and I prayed for a simple child-like mind, for the blessed influences of that Spirit which can alone show me my guilt, and for more confidence and a clearer view of the merits of my Redeemer.

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Wednesday. After my early walk I went in, and occupied myself with writing a plan of a school; but I found it difficult to write with attention, because I felt unhappy at the state of my own mind. Yet I did it at last better than I thought I should. From twelve to one I practised some sacred music, especially the 'Te Deum' of Graun. What a noble composition! I felt delighted in learning it, for I thought I saw traces that the Spirit of God had inspired the writer. I felt a painful interest to know if he had been faithful to it. After dinner I rode out. I am now writing this journal, but being very tired, I shall leave off, imploring the blessing of God, that He may guard my mind from evil thoughts, that I may rise