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GRAN'MA AL'ARS DOES.
[To be given by a little boy, in a little boy's manner.]
I wants to mend my wagon,
And has to have some nails-
We're making ever was;
My horse's name is Betsy;
She jumped an' broke her head;
I put her in the stable,
An' fed her milk and bread.
The stable's in the parlor ;
We didn't make no muss;
I'se goin' to the cornfield,
To ride on Charley's plough;
I wants to go right now.
O, won't I "gee up" awful,
And "whoa" like Charley whoas;
I wish you wouldn't bozzer,
I want some bread an' butter-
I tell you what, I knows
It's right to put on sugar,
ONLY A BABY.
[To be recited by a little boy or girl, in a natural way.]
Only a baby, 'thout any hair,
'Cept just a little fuzz here and there.
Only a baby-name you have none,
Only a baby-teeth none at all;
Only a baby, just a week old;
A PLEA FOR EGGS.
[To be spoken by a little child, seriously.]
Be gentle to the new laid egg,
If once you break the tender shell
'Tis but a little while at best
That hens have power to lay;
That were quite fresh to-day.
[To be spoken by a little child, simply.]
It climbed a tree to rob a nest
Of young and tender owls;
But the branch broke off, and the kitten fell,
Howls, howls, howls,
With six tremendous howls.
Then up it rose and scratched its nose,
"Oh, mother dear, behold me here;
I'll never more be bad,
Bad, bad, bad,
I'll never more be bad."
GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD MORNING.
[To be recited in a simple, descriptive manner.]
A fair little girl sat under a tree,
Sewing as long as her eyes could see,
Such a number of rooks came over her head,
The horses neighed, and the oxen lowed,
She did not say to the sun "good night,"
The tall pink foxglove bowed his head,
And, while on her pillow she softly lay,
She knew nothing more till again it was day;
And all things said to the beautiful sun,
"Good morning, good morning, our work is begun!"
A BABY'S SOLILOQUY.
[If spoken by a petite child this will prove exceedingly amusing.]
I am here! And if this is what they call the world, I don't think much of it. It's a very flannelly world, and smells of paregoric awfully. It's a dreadful light world, too, and makes me blink, I tell you. And I don't know what to do with my hands; I think I'll dig my fists in my eyes. No I won't, I'll scramble at the corner of my blanket, and chew it up, and then I'll holler-whatever happens I'll holler. And the more paregoric they give me the louder I'll yell. That old nurse puts the spoon in the corner of my mouth in a very uneasy way, and keeps tasting my milk herself all the while. She spilled snuff in it last night, and when I hollered she trotted That comes of being a two-days-old baby. Never mind; when I'm a man I'll pay her back good. There's a pin sticking in me
now, and if I say a word about it I'll be trotted or fed, and I would rather have catnip tea. I'll tell you who I am. I found out to-day. I heard folks say, "Hush, don't wake up Emeline's baby," and I suppose that pretty, white-faced woman over on the pillow is Emeline.
No, I was mistaken, for a chap was in here just now and wanted to see Bob's baby, and looked at me, and said I was a "funny little toad, and looked just like Bob." He smelt of segars, and I'm not used to them. I wonder who else I belong to. Yes, there's another one-that's "Gamma." Emeline told me, and she took me up and held me against her soft cheek, and said, "It was Gamma's baby, so it was." I declare I do not know who I do belong to; but I'll holler, and maybe I'll find ont.
There comes Snuffy with catnip tea. The idea of giving babies catnip tea when they are crying for information! I'm going to sleep.
[To be recited by a small boy.]
Heads are of different shapes and sizes. They are full of notions. Large heads do not hold the most. Some persons can tell what a man is by the shape of his head. High heads are the best kind. Very knowing people are called long-headed. A fellow that won't stop for anything or anybody is called hot-headed. If he is not quite so bright he is called soft-headed. If he won't be coaxed or turned they call him pig-headed. Animals have very small heads. The heads of fools slant back. When your head is cut off you are beheaded. Our heads are covered with hair, except bald heads. There are barrel-heads, heads of sermons—and some ministers used to have fifteen heads to each sermon — pin-heads, heads of cattle, as the farmer calls his cows and oxen, head-winds, drum-heads, cabbage heads, logger-heads, come to a head, heads of chapters, head him off, head of the family, and go ahead-but first be sure you are right; but the worst of all heads are the dead-heads who hang around an editor for free tickets to shows.