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fering in the most forlorn estate. It had as their own respective studies and inclinaalso the ground-work of humanity and com- tions have prepared them, and make their passion in it, though the mind was then too reflections accordingly. Some, perusing Rodark and too deeply engaged to perceive man writers, would find in them, whatever it: but as we proceeded onward, it began to the subject of the discourses were, parts discover itself, and, from observing that which implied the grandeur of that people others were unhappy, we came to question in their warfare, or their politics. As for one another, when it was that we met, and my part, who am a mere Spectator, I drew what were the sad occasions that brought this morning conclusions of their eminence us together. Then we heard our stories, in what I think great, to wit, in having and compared them, we mutually gave worthy sentiments, from the reading a coand received pity, and so by degrees be-medy of Terence. The play was the Selfcame tolerable company.

Tormentor. It is from the beginning to the end a perfect picture of human life; but I did not observe in the whole one passage that could raise a laugh. How well-disposed must that people be, who could be entertained with satisfaction by so sober and polite mirth! In the first scene of the comedy, when one of the old men accuses the other of impertinence for interposing in his affairs, he answers, 'I am a man, and cannot help feeling any sorrow that can arrive at man. It is said this sentence was received with an universal applause. There cannot be a greater argument of the gene

A considerable part of the troublesome road was thus deceived; at length the openings among the trees grew larger, the air seemed thinner, it lay with less oppression upon us, and we could now and then discern tracks in it of a lighter grayness, like the breakings of day, short in duration, much enlivening, and called in that country gleams of amusement. Within a short while these gleams began to appear more frequent, and then brighter and of a longer continuance: the sighs that hitherto filled the air with so much dolefulness, altered to the sound of common breezes, and in gene-ral good understanding of a people than a ral the horrors of the island were abated. sudden consent to give their approbation of When we had arrived at last at the ford a sentiment which has no emotion in it. If by which we were to pass out, we met with it were spoken with ever so great skill in those fashionable mourners who had been the actor, the manner of uttering that senferried over along with us, and who, being tence could have nothing in it which could unwilling to go as far as we, had coasted strike any but people of the greatest huby the shore to find the place, where they manity, nay, people elegant and skilful in waited our coming; that by showing them- observations upon it. It is possible he might selves to the world only at the time when have laid his hand on his breast, and, with we did, they might seem also to have been a winning insinuation in his countenance, among the troubles of the grotto. Here the expressed to his neighbour that he was a waters that rolled on the other side so deep man who made his case his own; yet I will and silent were much dried up, and it was engage a player in Covent-garden might an easier matter for us to wade over. hit such an attitude a thousand times be9 The river being crossed, we were re-fore he would have been regarded. I have ceived upon the farther bank by our friends heard that a minister of state in the reign and acquaintance, whom Comfort had of queen Elizabeth had all manner of books brought out to congratulate our appearance in the world again. Some of these blamed us for staying so long away from them, others advised us against all temptations of going back; every one was cautious not to renew our trouble, by asking any particulars of the journey; and all concluded that, in a case of so much melancholy and affliction, we could not have made choice of a fitter companion than Patience. Here Patience, appearing serene at her praises, delivered us over to Comfort. Comfort smiled at his receiving the charge: immediately the sky purpled on that side to which he turned, and double day at once broke in upon me.

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and ballads brought to him, of what kind soever, and took great notice how much they took with the people; upon which he would, and certainly might, very well judge of their present dispositions, and the most proper way of applying them according to his own purposes. What passes on the stage, and the reception it meets with from the audience, is a very useful instruction of this kind. According to what you may observe on our stage, you see them often moved so directly against all common sense and humanity, that you would be apt to pronounce us a nation of savages. It cannot be called a mistake of what is pleasant, but the very contrary to it is what most assuredly takes with them. The other night, an old woman carried off with a pain in her side, with all the distortions and anguish of countenance which is natural to one in that condition, was laughed at and clapped off the stage. Terence's comedy,

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Homo sum, et nihil humanum e me alienum puto.
I am a man, and all calamities,

That touch humanity, come home to me.-Colman.

which I am speaking of, is indeed written | whole house at some times in so proper a disposition, that indeed I have trembled for the boxes, and feared the entertain ment would end in a representation of the rape of the Sabines.

as if he hoped to please none but such as had as good a taste as himself. I could not but reflect upon the natural description of the innocent young woman made by the servant to his master. • When I came to the house,' said he, an old woman opened the door, and I followed her in, because I could, by entering upon them unawares, better observe what was your mistress's ordinary manner of spending her time, the only way of judging any one's inclinations and genius. I found her at her needle in a sort of second mourning, which she wore for an aunt she had lately lost. She had nothing on but what showed she dressed only for herself. Her hair hung negligently about her shoulders. She had none of the arts with which others use to set themselves off, but had that negligence of person which is remarkable in those who are careful of their minds. Then she had a maid who was at work near her that was a slattern, because her mistress was careless; which I take to be another argument of your security in her; for the go-betweens of women of intrigue are rewarded too well to be dirty. When you were named, and I told her you desired to see her, she threw down her work for joy, covered her face, and decently hid her tears.' He must be a very good actor, and draw attention rather from his own character than the words of the author, that could gain it among us for this speech, though so full of nature and good sense.

The intolerable folly and confidence of players putting in words of their own, does in a great measure feed the absurd taste of the audience. But however that is, it is ordinary for a cluster of coxcombs to take up the house to themselves, and equally insult both the actors and the company. These savages, who want all manner of regard and deference to the rest of mankind, come only to show themselves to us, without any other purpose than to let us know they despise us.

The gross of an audience is composed of two sorts of people, those who know no pleasure but of the body, and those who improve or command corporeal pleasures, by the addition of fine sentiments of the mind. At present, the intelligent part of the company are wholly subdued by the insurrections of those who know no satisfactions but what they have in common with all other animals.

This is the reason that when a scene tending to procreation is acted, you see the whole pit in such a chuckle, and old letchers, with mouths open, stare at those loose gesticulations on the stage with shameful earnestness: when the justest pictures of human life in its calm dignity, and the properest sentiments for the conduct of it, pass by like mere narration, as conducing only to somewhat much better which is to come after. I have seen the

I would not be understood in this talk to argue that nothing is tolerable on the stage but what has an immediate tendency to the promotion of virtue. On the contrary, can allow, provided there is nothing against the interests of virtue, and is not offensive to good manners, that things of an indiffer ent nature may be represented. For thi reason I have no exception to the well drawn rusticities in the Country Wake and there is something so miraculously pleasant in Dogget's acting the awkward triumph and comic sorrow of Hob in differ ent circumstances, that I shall not be able to stay away whenever it is acted. All tha vexes me is, that the gallantry of taking the cudgels for Gloucestershire, with the pride of heart in tucking himself up, and taking aim at his adversary, as well as the other's protestation in the humanity of low romance, that he could not promise the 'squire to break Hob's head, but he would if he could do it in love; then flourish and begin: I say what vexes me is, that such excellent touches as these, as well as the 'squire's being out of all patience at Hob's success, and venturing himself into the crowd, are circumstances hardly taken no tice of, and the height of the jest is only in the very point that heads are broken. 1 am confident, were there a scene written, wherein Pinkethman should break his leg by wrestling with Bullock, and Dicky come in to set it, without one word said but what should be according to the exact rules of surgery, in making this extension, and binding up his leg, the whole house should be in a roar of applause at the dissembled anguish of the patient, the help given by him who threw him down, and the handy address and arch looks of the surgeon. To enumerate the entrance of ghosts, the embattling of armies, the noise of heroes in love, with a thousand other enormi ties, would be to transgress the bounds of this paper, for which reason it is possi ble they may have hereafter distinct dis courses; not forgetting any of the audience who shall set up for actors, and interrupt the play on the stage; and players who shall prefer the applause of fools to that of the reasonable part of the company. T.

Postscript to the Spectator, No. 502. N. B. There are in the play of the Self Tormentor of Terence, which is allowed a most excellent comedy, several incidents which would draw tears from any man of sense, and not one which would move his laughter.-Spect. in folio, No. 521.

This speculation, No. 502, is controverted in the Guard. No. 59, by a writer under the fictitious name of John Lizard; perhaps Doctor Edw. Young.

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No. 503.] Tuesday, October 7, 1712.

e Deleo omnes dehinc ex animo mulieres.


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Ter. Eun. Act ii. Sc. 3.

From henceforward I blot out of my thoughts all me

Bory of womankind.

ed the churlish dislike and hesitation in approving what is excellent, too frequent among us, to a general attention and entertainment in observing her behaviour. All the while that we were gazing at her, she 'MR. SPECTATOR,-You have often took notice of no object about her, but had mentioned with great vehemence and in- an art of seeming awkwardly attentive, dignation the misbehaviour of people at whatever else her eyes were accidentally church; but I am at present to talk to you thrown upon. One thing indeed was paron that subject, and complain to you of one, ticular, she stood the whole service, and whom at the same time I know not what to never kneeled or sat; I do not question but accuse of, except it be looking too well that it was to show herself with the greater there, and diverting the eyes of the congre- advantage, and set forth to better grace gation to that one object. However, I have her hands and arms, lifted up with the this to say, that she might have staid at her most ardent devotion; and her bosom, the own parish, and not come to perplex those fairest that was ever seen, bare to observawho are otherwise intent upon their duty. tion; while she, you must think, knew no'Last Sunday was seven-night I went thing of the concern she gave others, any into a church not far from London-bridge; other than as an example of devotion, that but I wish I had been contented to go to my threw herself out, without regard to dress own parish, I am sure it had been better or garment, all contrition, and loose of all me; I say I I went to church thither, and worldly regards in ecstacy of devotion. got into a pew very near the pulpit. I had Well; now the organ was to play a volunhardly been accommodated with a seat, tary, and she was so skilful in music, and before there entered into the aisle a young so touched with it, that she kept time not lady in the very bloom of youth and beauty, only with some motion of her head, but and dressed in the most elegant manner also with a different air in her countenance. imaginable. Her form was such that it When the music was strong and bold, she engaged the eyes of the whole congrega- looked exalted, but serious; when lively tion in an instant, and mine among the rest. and airy, she was smiling and gracious; Though we were all thus fixed upon her, when the notes were more soft and lanshe was not in the least out of countenance, guishing, she was kind and full of pity. or under the least disorder, though unat- When she had now made it visible to the tended by any one, and not seeming to whole congregation, by her motion and know particularly where to place herself. ear, that she could dance, and she wanted However, she had not in the least a confi- now only to inform us that she could sing dent aspect, but moved on with the most too; when the psalm was given out, her raceful modesty, every one making way un- voice was distinguished above all the rest, she came to a seat just over-against that or rather people did not exert their own in which I was placed. The deputy of the order to hear her. Never was any heard ard sat in that pew, and she stood oppo- so sweet and so strong. The organist obsite to him, and at a glance into the seat, served it, and he thought fit to play to her though she did not appear the least ac- only, and she swelled every note, when she quainted with the gentleman, was let in, found she had thrown us all out, and had with a confusion that spoke much admira- the last verse to herself in such a manner tion at the novelty of the thing. The ser- as the whole congregation was intent upon rice immediately began, and she composed her, in the same manner as we see in the herself for it with an air of so much good- cathedrals they are on the person who ess and sweetness, that the confession sings alone the anthem. Well; it came which she uttered, so as to be heard where at last to the sermon, and our young lady ve sat, appeared an act of humiliation would not lose her part in that neither: for more than she had occasion for. The truth she fixed her eye upon the preacher, and her beauty had something so innocent, as he said any thing she approved, with and yet so sublime, that we all gazed upon one of Charles Mather's fine tablets she her like a phantom. None of the pictures set down the sentence, at once showing her which we behold of the best Italian paint- fine hand, the gold pen, her readiness in es have any thing like the spirit which writing, and her judgment in choosing appeared in her countenance, at the differ- what to write. To sum up what I intend et sentiments expressed in the several by this long and particular account, I apparts of divine service. That gratitude and peal to you, whether it is reasonable that joy at a thanksgiving, that lowliness and such a creature as this shall come from a Ow at the prayers for the sick and dis- janty part of the town, and give herself ressed, that triumph at the passages which such violent airs, to the disturbance of an gave instances of the divine mercy, which innocent and inoffensive congregation, with ppeared respectively in her aspect, will her sublimities. The fact, I assure you, be in my memory to my last hour. I pro- was as I have related: but I had like to st to you, sir, that she suspended the de- have forgot another very considerable parotion of every one around her; and the ticular. As soon as church was done, she se she did every thing with, soon dispers-immediately stepped out of her pew, and

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fell into the finest pitty-patty air, forsooth, wonderfully out of countenance, tossing her head up and down, as she swam along the body of the church. I, with several others of the inhabitants, followed her out, and saw her hold up her fan to a hackneycoach at a distance, who immediately came up to her, and she whipping into it with great nimbleness, pulled the door with a bowing mien, as if she had been used to a better glass. She said aloud, "You know where to go," and drove off. By this time the best of the congregation was at the church-door, and I could hear some say, "A very fine lady;" others, "I'll warrant you she is no better than she should be:" and one very wise old lady said she ought to have been taken up. Mr. Spectator, I think this matter lies wholly before you: for the offence does not come under any law, though it is apparent this creature came among us only to give herself airs, and enjoy her full swing in being admired. I desire you may print this, that she may be confined to her own parish; for I can assure you there is no attending any thing else in a place where she is a novelty. She has been talked of among us ever since, under the name of "the phantom:" but I would advise her to comne no more: for there is so strong a party made by the women against her, that she must expect they will not be excelled a second time in so outrageous a manner, without doing her some insult. Young women, who assume after this rate, and affect exposing themselves to view in congregations at the other end of the town, are not so mischievous, because they are rivalled by more of the same ambition, who will not let the rest of the company be particular: but in the name of the whole congregation where I was, I desire you to keep these agreeable disturbances out of the city, where sobriety of manners is still preserved, and all glaring and ostentatious behaviour, even in things laudable, discountenanced. I wish you may never see the phantom, and am, sir, your most humble servant, T.


No. 504.] Wednesday, October 8, 1712. Lepus tute es, et pulpamentum quæris.

Ter. Eun. Act iii. Sc. 1.

You are a hare yourself, and want dainties, forsooth. IT is a great convenience to those who want wit to furnish out a conversation, that there is something or other in all companies where it is wanted substituted in its stead, which, according to their taste, does the business as well. Of this nature is the agreeable pastime in country-halls of cross purposes, questions and commands, and the like. A little superior to these are those who can play at crambo, or cap verses. Then above them are such as can make verses, that is, rhyme; and among those

who have the Latin tongue, such as use to make what they call golden verses. Commend me also to those who have not brains enough for any of these exercises, and yet do not give up their pretensions to mirth These can slap you on the back unawares, laugh loud, ask you how you do with a twang on your shoulders, say you are dull to-day, and laugh a voluntary to put you in humour; not to mention the laborious way among the miner poets, of making things come into such and such a shape, as that of an egg, a hand, an axe, or any thing that nobody had ever thought on before for that purpose, or which would have cost them a great deal of pains to accomplish if they did. But all these methods, though they are mechanical, and may be arrived at with the smallest capacity, do not serve an honest gentleman who wants wit for his ordinary occasions; therefore it is absolutely necessary that the poor in imagination should save something which may be serviceable to them at all hours, upon all common occurrences. That which we call punning is therefore greatly affected by men of small intellects. These men need not be concerned with you for the whole sentence; but if they can say a quaint thing, or bring in a word which sounds like any one word you have spoken to them, they can turn the discourse, or distract you so that you cannot go on, and by consequence, if they cannot be as witty as you are, they can hinder your being any wittier than they are. Thus if you talk of a candle, he can deal' with you; and if you ask him to help you to some bread, a punster should think himself very 'ill-bred' if he did not; and if he is not as well-bred' as yourself, he hopes for 'grains' of allowance. If you do not understand that last fancy, you must recollect that bread is made of grain; and so they go on for ever, without possibility of being exhausted.

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There are another kind of people of smal faculties, who supply want of wit with wan of breeding; and because women are both by nature and education more offended a any thing which is immodest than we mer are, these are ever harping upon things they ought not to allude to, and deal mightily i double meanings. Every one's own ob servation will suggest instances enough of this kind, without my mentioning any; for down through all parts of the town or city your double meaners are dispersed up and where there are any to offend, in order to set off themselves. These men are mighty loud laughers, and held very pretty gentle men with the sillier and unbred part of womankind. But above all already men tioned, or any who ever were, or ever can be in the world, the happiest and surest to be pleasant, are a sort of people whom we have not indeed lately heard much of, and those are your 'biters.'

A biter is one who tells you a thing you have no reason to disbelieve in itself, and



perhaps has given you, before he bit you, | for the future will ever be able to equal, no reason to disbelieve it for his saying it; though I heartily wish him the same occamd, if you give him credit, laughs in your sion. It is a superstition with some surface, and triumphs that he has deceived geons who beg the bodies of condemned In a word, a biter is one who thinks malefactors, to go to the gaol, and bargain you a fool, because you do not think him a for the carcase with the criminal himself. knave. This description of him one may A good honest fellow did so last sessions, insist upon to be a just one; for what else and was admitted to the condemned men but a degree of knavery. is it, to depend on the morning wherein they died. The проп deceit for what you gain of another, surgeon communicated his business, and be it in point of wit, or interest, or any fell into discourse with a little fellow, who thing else? refused twelve shillings, and insisted upon This way of wit is called 'biting,' by a fifteen for his body. The fellow, who killed metaphor taken from beasts of prey, which the officer of Newgate, very forwardly, and devour harmless and unarmed animals, and like a man who was willing to deal, told them as their food wherever they him, Look you, Mr. Surgeon, that little meet them. The sharpers about town very dry fellow, who has been half starved all his ingeniously understood themselves to be to life, and is now half dead with fear, cannot the undesigning part of mankind what foxes answer your purpose. I have ever lived are to lambs, and therefore used the word highly and freely, my veins are full, I have biting, to express any exploit wherein they not pined in imprisonment; you see my had over-reached any innocent and inad-crest swells to your knife; and after Jack vertent man of his purse. These rascals of late years have been the gallants of the town, and carried it with a fashionable haughty air, to the discouragement of modesty, and all honest arts. Shallow fops, who are governed by the eye, and admire every thing that struts in vogue, took up from the sharpers the phrase of biting, and used it upon all occasions, either to disown


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Catch has done, upon my honour you will find me as sound as ever a bullock in any of the markets. Come, for twenty shillings I am your man.' Says the surgeon, Done, there is a guinea.' This witty rogue took the money, and as soon as he had it in his fist, cries, Bite; I am to be hung in chains.'

No. 505.] Thursday, October 9, 1712.


De divitiis deducant drachmam, reddant cætera.

Augurs and soothsayers, astrologers,
Diviners, and interpreters of dreams,
I ne'er consult, and heartily despise:
Vain their pretence to more than human skill:
For gain, imaginary schemes they draw;
Wand'rers themselves, they guide another's steps;
And for poor sixpence promise countless wealth:
Let them, if they expect to be believed,
Deduct the sixpence, and bestow the rest.

any nonsensical stuff they should talk themselves, or evade the force of what was reasonably said by others. Thus, when one of these cunning creatures was entered into a debate with you, whether it was practicable Non habeo denique nauci marsum augurem, Non vicanos aruspices, non de circo astrologos. in the present state of affairs to accomplish Non Isiacos conjectores, non interpretes somnium; such a proposition, and you thought he had Non enim sunt ii, aut scientia, aut arte divina, let fall what destroyed his side of the ques-Aut inertes, aut insani, aut quibus egestas imperat: Sed superstitiosi vates, impudentesque harioli, tion, as soon as you looked with an earnest-Qui sui questus causa fictas suscitant sententias, ness ready to lay hold of it, he immediately Qui sibi semitam non sapiunt, alteri monstrant viam, cried, Bite,' and you were immediately to Quibus divitias pollicentur, ab iis drachmam petunt: acknowledge all that part was in jest. They carry this to all the extravagance imaginable; and if one of these witlings knows any particulars which may give authority to what he says, he is still the more ingenious if he imposes upon your credulity. I remember a remarkable instance of this kind. There came up a shrewd young fellow to aplain young man, his countryman, and taking him aside with a grave concerned countenance, goes on at this rate: I see you here, and have you heard nothing out of Yorkshire? You look so surprised, you could not have heard of it-and yet the particulars are such that it cannot be false: am sorry I am got into it so far that I must tell you; but I know not but it may be for your service to know. On Tuesday last, just after dinner-you know his manner is to smoke-opening his box, your father fell down dead in an apoplexy.' The youth showed the filial sorrow which he oughtUpon which the witty man cried, Bite, there was nothing in all this.'

To put an end to this silly, pernicious, frivolous way at once, I will give the reader e late instance of a bite, which no biter



THOSE Who have maintained that men would be more miserable than beasts, were their hopes confined to this life only, among other considerations take notice that the latter are only afflicted with the anguish of the present evil, whereas the former are very often pained by the reflection on what is passed, and the fear of what is to come. This fear of any future difficulties or misfortunes is so natural to the mind, that were a man's sorrows and disquietudes summed up at the end of his life, it would generally be found that he had suffered more from the apprehension of such evils as never happened to him, than from those evils which had really befallen him. To this we may add, that among those evils which befall us, there are many which have

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